Sounds "lebay" but that's truly how I feel. Last time he was posted in Jakarta he managed to come back every 2 weeks for 1 whole year. That was hard at that time too.
This time it is 4 whole weeks alone, with two kids! The first time he left I thought, it's just a month. How bad could it be? 1 week went by, I was stressed. 2 weeks went by, I was stressed to the max! 3 weeks went by, anti climax. This is the last week, hopefully no bad surprises. I hate it.
The first week it was really tough for me and the kids. We are used to the routine of me handling Rana and Bram handling Asha. She is used to being tucked into sleep. So the first week was full of battle with me and Asha when I'm nursing and she wants to sleep as well. This battle only subsides by the end of second week. By the third week she can sleep by herself without me tucking her in.
The last 3 weeks I needed to wake up early to fetch Asha to school. No time for bfast, pumping, etc. Not just that, I needed to wash her face brush her teeth and shower her. So I needed to finish all my business first, so after all that all I needed to do is prepare for work. So every morning is a rush! Plus I don't know the bus schedule yet, so sometimes I waited so long for the bus to come.
Not to mention that Asha really demands my attention now that the dad is not around. I spent the first and second week taking her for a stroll on the neighborhood before bedtime. I was so exhausted.
Maybe I was more exhausted mentally, not sure why. Oh plus my interview that sucked big time! With no one to share it with. Now that all has gone to pass I don't even know what I was stressing about.
The point is the whole family is adapting to the situation. I went back to my old routine of taking her to school. Walk to MRT station everyday from work, and strangely I feel tired in a way, but I feel great too!
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A great turn over point, on Saturday hubby said he might come back earlier. He did! He arrived yesterday. Turns out it was just 3 weeks of lonesome parenting. And Asha is still as demanding as ever.... hahahaha
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
The Strongest Friend I Know
I believe that no matter how popular your blog is, how popular you are, how good you are in front of your friends, it doesn't make you a good person. I believe that the stronger you are when trouble hits you, makes you loved by God.
I have a friend. No she doesn't blog, she doesn't nag, she keeps quiet and smiles through it all. No matter how many times wave hit her she stood her ground. I envy her yet I'm not sure if I can be that strong if I was given the same circumstances. I admire her and she has always been my inspiration.
Whenever I feel like whining or felt like I have such a big problem I try to remember her. She did not complain throuhout years of her pain and agony. She always kept herself positive through everything. Looking for solutions, and when there seems to be none, she still smiled and kept going.
Sometimes I wonder, when your life is easy does it mean Allah loves you more? Or Allah loves you more when you've got it tough? When I look at her, I can see how Allah loves her. Allah tried her with everything and she's still there with her long hijab, her smile, and being tawakkal.
All those seems-to-be-strong people, all those popular bloggers, couldn't measure up to her. She is just one of the strongest friend I know.
I have a friend. No she doesn't blog, she doesn't nag, she keeps quiet and smiles through it all. No matter how many times wave hit her she stood her ground. I envy her yet I'm not sure if I can be that strong if I was given the same circumstances. I admire her and she has always been my inspiration.
Whenever I feel like whining or felt like I have such a big problem I try to remember her. She did not complain throuhout years of her pain and agony. She always kept herself positive through everything. Looking for solutions, and when there seems to be none, she still smiled and kept going.
Sometimes I wonder, when your life is easy does it mean Allah loves you more? Or Allah loves you more when you've got it tough? When I look at her, I can see how Allah loves her. Allah tried her with everything and she's still there with her long hijab, her smile, and being tawakkal.
All those seems-to-be-strong people, all those popular bloggers, couldn't measure up to her. She is just one of the strongest friend I know.
Mother of Seven
No, this story is definitely NOT about me.
There was once that I went to the mall with Rana. I went to my favorite bag shop to buy something for my friend. The cashier was a thin young woman.
"Your baby is so cute, how old is she?" she was saying.
"3 months old," me smiling.
"Really? Same as my baby, " she continued
(pause) (I looked at her closely)
"But you look so thin, doesn't look like you just had a baby!" me envying.
"Oh, this is my 7th baby, from my second marriage" she said.
"Seven?? You've seven kids??? How old are you?" me being perplexed.
"I'm 31. How old are you?" she smiled
(pause) (trying to decide should I lie?)
"I'm 30 (I am STILL 30 okay?) and I only have TWO kids!" me laughing.
"How old is your first one?"
"Eleven,"she said.
Counting back means she had her first when she was about 20yo and she has kids almost every year!!! My goodness!!!
Total respect mommy!
I really can't imagine me being pregnant and give birth 7 times in my life.
Moral of the story, be a mother of seven to retain your figure? Hahahaha. Really. She doesn't look like it.
There was once that I went to the mall with Rana. I went to my favorite bag shop to buy something for my friend. The cashier was a thin young woman.
"Your baby is so cute, how old is she?" she was saying.
"3 months old," me smiling.
"Really? Same as my baby, " she continued
(pause) (I looked at her closely)
"But you look so thin, doesn't look like you just had a baby!" me envying.
"Oh, this is my 7th baby, from my second marriage" she said.
"Seven?? You've seven kids??? How old are you?" me being perplexed.
"I'm 31. How old are you?" she smiled
(pause) (trying to decide should I lie?)
"I'm 30 (I am STILL 30 okay?) and I only have TWO kids!" me laughing.
"How old is your first one?"
"Eleven,"she said.
Counting back means she had her first when she was about 20yo and she has kids almost every year!!! My goodness!!!
Total respect mommy!
I really can't imagine me being pregnant and give birth 7 times in my life.
Moral of the story, be a mother of seven to retain your figure? Hahahaha. Really. She doesn't look like it.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Tawakkal
Setelah jadi ibu kok rasanya kekhawatiran makin macam-macam ya. Belum lagi teracuni info dari internet tentang hal-hal yg ideal untuk anak. Seperti makanan. Paling bagus homemade organik. Ya iya aku juga tau makanan paling bagus yang homemade. Tapi kadang udah susah-susah dibuat anaknya ga mau makan juga. Kadang terpaksa nugget instan ato sosis to the rescue, ato abon. Terus idealnya gak dikasih gula garam. Haduh.. daripada dia diluaran sana ketemu orang-orang ngasih permen terus dia malah menggila lebih baik aku kasih aja dulu dengan jumlah terbatas.
Apalagi aku ibu bekerja yang tergolong (agak) pemalas. Salah satu resolusi tahun ini adalah jadi ibu yang lebih rajin. Setidaknya agak rajin bikin stok makanan buat anaknya yang amat picky eater. Lebih rajin nemenin anaknya main, lebih rajin nemenin anaknya belajar.
Ada satu yang lebih mengkhawatirkan sebagai ibu bekerja. Aku harus rela meninggalkan anak-anakku sama pembantu di rumah. Satu pembantu urus anak dua. Tidak ideal sangat! Tapi apa mau dikata, disini pembantu gajinya mahal, childcare apalagi. Banyak cerita-cerita horor beredar diluaran, ya yang anak disiksa pembantu, dipukul pembantu, diajak pas pembantu pacaran. Belum lagi pola pikir dan pola hidup pembantu yang pasti akan meninggalkan jejak di si anak. Penting memang mencari pembantu yang baik berpendidikan dan beragama. Namun kita terkadang kan tidak bisa memilih. Disini aku percaya, Allah yang pilihkan. Sebagaimana Allah memilihkan segalanya bagi kita.
Kadang memang sering terlintas pikiran-pikiran buruk. Takut ini itu, khawatir ini itu. Tapi aku berusaha tawakkal. Tidak semua hal bisa kukontrol dan ini salah satunya. Saat ini aku hanya berusaha percaya pada si mbak, memperlakukan dia dengan baik, agar dia pun memperlakukan anak-anakku dengan baik. Selebihnya aku tawakkal pada Allah. Hanya Allah yang bisa mencegah orang berbuat buruk dan hanya Allah yang bisa menyelamatkan kita dengan cara apapun. Selama kita sudah berusaha yang terbaik, berniat yang benar dan berbuat yang benar.
Tanpa tawakkal bener deh, hidup ini pasti menyetreskan. Bisa-bisa anak kita dikekep mulu di rumah ga boleh kemana-mana ga boleh ngapa-ngapain. Gak baik juga buat si anak gak baik juga buat kita. Memang tugas kita untuk mendidik anak, mempersiapkan anak sebaik-baiknya untuk nanti dilepas ke dunia luar. Selebihnya serahkan pada Allah. Banyak-banyak berdoa untuk menyertai si anak. InsyaAllah doa ibu adalah doa yang didengar Allah.
Indah sekali jadi wanita ya...
Apalagi aku ibu bekerja yang tergolong (agak) pemalas. Salah satu resolusi tahun ini adalah jadi ibu yang lebih rajin. Setidaknya agak rajin bikin stok makanan buat anaknya yang amat picky eater. Lebih rajin nemenin anaknya main, lebih rajin nemenin anaknya belajar.
Ada satu yang lebih mengkhawatirkan sebagai ibu bekerja. Aku harus rela meninggalkan anak-anakku sama pembantu di rumah. Satu pembantu urus anak dua. Tidak ideal sangat! Tapi apa mau dikata, disini pembantu gajinya mahal, childcare apalagi. Banyak cerita-cerita horor beredar diluaran, ya yang anak disiksa pembantu, dipukul pembantu, diajak pas pembantu pacaran. Belum lagi pola pikir dan pola hidup pembantu yang pasti akan meninggalkan jejak di si anak. Penting memang mencari pembantu yang baik berpendidikan dan beragama. Namun kita terkadang kan tidak bisa memilih. Disini aku percaya, Allah yang pilihkan. Sebagaimana Allah memilihkan segalanya bagi kita.
Kadang memang sering terlintas pikiran-pikiran buruk. Takut ini itu, khawatir ini itu. Tapi aku berusaha tawakkal. Tidak semua hal bisa kukontrol dan ini salah satunya. Saat ini aku hanya berusaha percaya pada si mbak, memperlakukan dia dengan baik, agar dia pun memperlakukan anak-anakku dengan baik. Selebihnya aku tawakkal pada Allah. Hanya Allah yang bisa mencegah orang berbuat buruk dan hanya Allah yang bisa menyelamatkan kita dengan cara apapun. Selama kita sudah berusaha yang terbaik, berniat yang benar dan berbuat yang benar.
Tanpa tawakkal bener deh, hidup ini pasti menyetreskan. Bisa-bisa anak kita dikekep mulu di rumah ga boleh kemana-mana ga boleh ngapa-ngapain. Gak baik juga buat si anak gak baik juga buat kita. Memang tugas kita untuk mendidik anak, mempersiapkan anak sebaik-baiknya untuk nanti dilepas ke dunia luar. Selebihnya serahkan pada Allah. Banyak-banyak berdoa untuk menyertai si anak. InsyaAllah doa ibu adalah doa yang didengar Allah.
Indah sekali jadi wanita ya...
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
God's Will
I used to love someone in my past. Occasionally he still comes to my dreams for no reason at all. Sometimes I think, there's no use wondering what will happen if we end up together because God has a plan for all of us.
If we're still meant to be, we will be, sometimes later. If we're doomed not to cross paths again, here and afterlife, then God will erase his traces in me.
So life will go on, have our own kids and we'll be happy in our own separate ways. So I guess, till we meet again, if God wills.
If we're still meant to be, we will be, sometimes later. If we're doomed not to cross paths again, here and afterlife, then God will erase his traces in me.
So life will go on, have our own kids and we'll be happy in our own separate ways. So I guess, till we meet again, if God wills.
Being A Mother, A Wife, and A Woman
These past weeks since the baby comes out I think the baby blues have hit me and I've been thinking of unnecessary things, tiring over things, and despair over nothing.
Until I watched Sex and The City 2. Well it was a re-run. Back then I watched it as a continuum of my favorite show, just now I watched it like watching my life.
Carrie with her mid-wife crisis with Big, and Charlotte with her 2 girls, with one being in a terrible two phase.
My mid-wife crisis is that I find marriage life after two kids is boring and different. My husband seems to help less with this second one and left me running around here and there. While one of my friend who just birth her first child, the husband seemed very caring, helpful, they even stayed up late together! Me and husband fought over who needs to change diaper yada yada. I felt that he seems like happy with his own time alone, doing whatever it was, watching TV, playing computer. If I don't ask him to help he'd never help. I fought over my conscience that I ought to just let him alone, that it was my obligation as a good wife to take care of the kids and home, that he was tired from work etc.
I don't want to burden him with things that he doesn't want to do, and sometimes I wished he was someone else, someone more caring.
My revelation after this movie is... MEN ARE LIKE THAT! They like to stay home, laze around, watch TV, etc. WOMEN ARE LIKE ME! We question small things, we worry that we're doing something wrong, we worry that we disappoint the men. I find that I'm normal. So then I find that, I only need to ask if I want help. Despite his reluctant reaction he would still do it, and when they do it it's because they love us. Like what my husband said each and every time I complained that he frowned when I asked him to do things, "Well, I complained, but I got it done." I always thought it was such lame and unacceptable excuse. But I think he just couldn't rephrase it into something I want to hear.
So I guess from now on, whenever I feel like I need a helping hand, unless he looked pretty worn out it wouldn't hurt to ask.
My mid-mom crisis is that I just lost my temper every now and then. I feel like failing everytime. I fail to control my anger, I fail to control my kids, and God forbids I am dying for a me time. I sometimes wish I could be a loving dedicated mother. You know, the type who thinks "my kids are everything? Never despair for a me time, never wishes they would leave me alone for a while, unhappy when they are away at times, never yell at them, accept all their mistakes and not being mad at them, ready to make all necessary sacrifices for them. All of the above, are my list of ideal mom things I have failed to do in my point of view. After I watched Sex and The City, I found that it is normal. I am an adult human being, I need to sometimes be in an adult environment where I can discuss and talk over normal things which does not always concern kids. I need to have some meaningful conversation, laugh over trivial matters, watch movies which is NOT WALL E!!!
Over my role as a wife and a mother I need to be a woman. As much as I love my daughters and husband, I too love myself. And myself says I need a time off at times, I need help and I need breaks. As much as I want to be able to be a supermom, I want to be a normal woman even more. So I guess it's safe to say, before I was a mother and a wife, I had and always will be a woman next door.
Until I watched Sex and The City 2. Well it was a re-run. Back then I watched it as a continuum of my favorite show, just now I watched it like watching my life.
Carrie with her mid-wife crisis with Big, and Charlotte with her 2 girls, with one being in a terrible two phase.
My mid-wife crisis is that I find marriage life after two kids is boring and different. My husband seems to help less with this second one and left me running around here and there. While one of my friend who just birth her first child, the husband seemed very caring, helpful, they even stayed up late together! Me and husband fought over who needs to change diaper yada yada. I felt that he seems like happy with his own time alone, doing whatever it was, watching TV, playing computer. If I don't ask him to help he'd never help. I fought over my conscience that I ought to just let him alone, that it was my obligation as a good wife to take care of the kids and home, that he was tired from work etc.
I don't want to burden him with things that he doesn't want to do, and sometimes I wished he was someone else, someone more caring.
My revelation after this movie is... MEN ARE LIKE THAT! They like to stay home, laze around, watch TV, etc. WOMEN ARE LIKE ME! We question small things, we worry that we're doing something wrong, we worry that we disappoint the men. I find that I'm normal. So then I find that, I only need to ask if I want help. Despite his reluctant reaction he would still do it, and when they do it it's because they love us. Like what my husband said each and every time I complained that he frowned when I asked him to do things, "Well, I complained, but I got it done." I always thought it was such lame and unacceptable excuse. But I think he just couldn't rephrase it into something I want to hear.
So I guess from now on, whenever I feel like I need a helping hand, unless he looked pretty worn out it wouldn't hurt to ask.
My mid-mom crisis is that I just lost my temper every now and then. I feel like failing everytime. I fail to control my anger, I fail to control my kids, and God forbids I am dying for a me time. I sometimes wish I could be a loving dedicated mother. You know, the type who thinks "my kids are everything? Never despair for a me time, never wishes they would leave me alone for a while, unhappy when they are away at times, never yell at them, accept all their mistakes and not being mad at them, ready to make all necessary sacrifices for them. All of the above, are my list of ideal mom things I have failed to do in my point of view. After I watched Sex and The City, I found that it is normal. I am an adult human being, I need to sometimes be in an adult environment where I can discuss and talk over normal things which does not always concern kids. I need to have some meaningful conversation, laugh over trivial matters, watch movies which is NOT WALL E!!!
Over my role as a wife and a mother I need to be a woman. As much as I love my daughters and husband, I too love myself. And myself says I need a time off at times, I need help and I need breaks. As much as I want to be able to be a supermom, I want to be a normal woman even more. So I guess it's safe to say, before I was a mother and a wife, I had and always will be a woman next door.
2 Months with 2 Kids
I haven't touched this computer in such a loooong time. I do have some free time to sit in front of it, but it's usually very short while. To pay my bills mostly, and then after that.... "Ibu, ibu, I want to play a game" and there goes my computer session.
It is 1 am and I am surprisingly still awake. Hubby and 2 kids are sleeping. So no one is using the comp, YAY.
My two months have been busy, busy with adapting with new addition, new things, new school, new everything. SUddenly my maternity leave gone, just like that people!
First month I was sooo busy with the little one, with breastfeeding, engorgement, jaundice, etc. Second month I was busy with the big one, with new school, and illness.
I find myself stressed out at times, to a point where I am so frustrated and confused over what to do. I just feel lucky that I don't get lost in the way. I lost my nap, lost my me time, lost my sanity at times etc. I know I've got help at home, but sometimes these kids just want everything with me. They just kept pestering me that I've got to do it and no one else.
I will never again write in my CV, "able to perform tasks under stressing condition" because it turns out I am stressed out over 2 kids!
Today stress session 2 is finally releasing itself. The big one just broke her fever this morning after 6 consecutive days of fever. Fever is good I know, but it comes in a package with fussiness, blocked nose, cough, lost of appetite, lack of sleep, etc. So once it breaks, the big one will be running around and won't bother me so much for some time.
I am now enjoying my me time which only last for maybe 2 hours before my sleep and got to be ready for tomorrow's challenge. Geez God, don't they come with an instruction manual? hahahahaha
It is 1 am and I am surprisingly still awake. Hubby and 2 kids are sleeping. So no one is using the comp, YAY.
My two months have been busy, busy with adapting with new addition, new things, new school, new everything. SUddenly my maternity leave gone, just like that people!
First month I was sooo busy with the little one, with breastfeeding, engorgement, jaundice, etc. Second month I was busy with the big one, with new school, and illness.
I find myself stressed out at times, to a point where I am so frustrated and confused over what to do. I just feel lucky that I don't get lost in the way. I lost my nap, lost my me time, lost my sanity at times etc. I know I've got help at home, but sometimes these kids just want everything with me. They just kept pestering me that I've got to do it and no one else.
I will never again write in my CV, "able to perform tasks under stressing condition" because it turns out I am stressed out over 2 kids!
Today stress session 2 is finally releasing itself. The big one just broke her fever this morning after 6 consecutive days of fever. Fever is good I know, but it comes in a package with fussiness, blocked nose, cough, lost of appetite, lack of sleep, etc. So once it breaks, the big one will be running around and won't bother me so much for some time.
I am now enjoying my me time which only last for maybe 2 hours before my sleep and got to be ready for tomorrow's challenge. Geez God, don't they come with an instruction manual? hahahahaha
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