I think everyone must have some points or events that they really regret or wish to change. Those moments sometimes left a deep scar or pain or even hatred that is hard to mend. I do have it. I was brokenhearted, very. Even sometimes I still hate the person who broke my heart, hate the one he's with and hate everything that's got to do with him.
I prayed to God to mend my burns, but it never seemed to go away. It was always there and I didn't know how to make it go away. I was hoping time would help me mend it, but it seemed to keep coming back again. I could never forget.
Until one day I read a hadist that tells of a story of Rasulullah SAW and Fatimah his daughter. I forgot what it said exactly. In it was told that Fatimah was very tired of all her duties as a wife and ask Rasulullah SAW to give her some help for her duties. Rasulullah SAW told her he would think about it. Then when he came back to her he said, "You can read Subhanallah 33x, Hamdalah 33x, and Takbir 33x every time after prayers and if you still feel the burden you let me know". A few days later Fatimah came back and said, "Ya Rasulullah, I don't need a helper anymore, I feel all my tasks are easier to do and I feel happier doing them". That is what I remember. I couldn't exactly say word per word in a beautiful manner and please forgive me if I say it wrongly.
It is the key to open your heart to be ikhlas. Dzikr. Very simple words, won't take you more than 2 minutes. There was also some events that made read Qur'an more often, at least once a day 1-2pages at home. I have been doing it for almost 2 months now. I feel more at peace compared to last time.
After those 2months I searched within my self and I found my hatred distinguished itself. No more I find the burns, jealousy and pain towards him. I still avoid him I do, but at least I have my peace. His name doesn't bother me as much as last time. I think, I finally found my ikhlas in my world. Regarding him, me, and everything else.
They said to heal a broken heart you must find someone else to love. I found someone else to love and I still couldn't heal it. I didn't know that the someone is not "a person" but Allah. Humans can't replace each other, but Allah completes everything. Do your dzikr, read your Qur'an and surrender to Allah. InsyaAllah throughout your worst time, you can always find your peace.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
My Kindle Review
I've had this Kindle for a few months now. I love it sooooooooooo much.
Mine is the latest generation of Kindle with keyboard WIFI. This was the last Kindle with keyboard that they released. I bought the one with advertisements. It did not bother me at all! It only shows when I'm not reading, e.g. when I put my Kindle to sleep, when I browse thru the books menu. When I'm reading it totally shun away.
The harddisk space is only 4GB, but then again you can fit so many books inside it. The batteries can last up to 2months.
My friend bought the newest one, the Kindle without keyboard. It is lighter and smaller. I have tried it as well. Comparatively:
1. New Kindle is smaller and lighter.
2. New Kindle doesn't have the MP3 player, so it is purely for reading. While mine has an MP3 player.
3. New Kindle e-ink is more contrast so the ink looks darker compared to the old one.
4. I prefer my old Kindle buttons to advance the pages compared to the new Kindle. The old Kindle buttons page buttons are pressed inwards, the new ones are pressed downwards.
5. Appearance wise, the old Kindle somehow looks more classic and elegant. The new one is light but somehow looks fragile.
6. The new Kindle batteries can only last for 1month.
I think that's about it. So far I still like my Kindle best and wouldn't trade it for anything :D
My friend bought the newest one, the Kindle without keyboard. It is lighter and smaller. I have tried it as well. Comparatively:
1. New Kindle is smaller and lighter.
2. New Kindle doesn't have the MP3 player, so it is purely for reading. While mine has an MP3 player.
3. New Kindle e-ink is more contrast so the ink looks darker compared to the old one.
4. I prefer my old Kindle buttons to advance the pages compared to the new Kindle. The old Kindle buttons page buttons are pressed inwards, the new ones are pressed downwards.
5. Appearance wise, the old Kindle somehow looks more classic and elegant. The new one is light but somehow looks fragile.
6. The new Kindle batteries can only last for 1month.
I think that's about it. So far I still like my Kindle best and wouldn't trade it for anything :D
Friday, November 25, 2011
Old Man Who Sells Tissues
Here in Singapore, it's very common to find old, crippled, disabled people selling tissues. It has just become an everyday sight so I never really paid attention to it. Yes, they sell small packets of tissue, mostly 4 small packets for 2$. Which is more like a donation. And YeS, they have to be licensed to do that.
So yesterday I was sitting inside the bus and this old man with one trolley of tissues came into the bus. He is old, thin and weary. His trolley kept on going back and forth following the bus movement and he doesn't have the strength to hold it still.
I felt sad, it felt so wrong for a man so old to be working so hard. Why does he have to travel far just to sell tissues? Can't he just go downstairs his block to a coffeshop nearby and sell it there? At that moment I started counting my blessings, I felt ashamed of myself.
This old man sells tissue because he needs money, and he'll do anything just to survive. While I at times, sitting comfortably in front of my computer and I still complain. I am sure I earn more than him, and I still complain it's not enough. I am young and healthy and sometimes I've got no passion to work. I only need to sit in front of my computer, do my task and go home. No hard labor, nothing.
I understood why Sporeans are such complainers. They always to compare to better countries better people better times. They never look down and compare, they despised when they look down and they always demand better things. They are people who are crippled by their own comfort. At that moment I prayed,
Ya Allah, make me always your humble servant who's always thankful, never make me a person who always look up instead of looking down, stop me from complaining, if I were to rise higher always remind me where my feet are and help me to always strive to do my best in everything.
I'll feel ashamed if I account lesser than this old man. I'll feel ashamed if I had all the possibility in life and I do nothing but complain. No more will I complain of my tight budgeting, how much I need to save, how much I need to give up. I'll do my best to manage. No more will I complain of my boring work, and envy those with better work, better salary. Everything has its own blessings. This one is the one I choose for the moment.
So yesterday I was sitting inside the bus and this old man with one trolley of tissues came into the bus. He is old, thin and weary. His trolley kept on going back and forth following the bus movement and he doesn't have the strength to hold it still.
I felt sad, it felt so wrong for a man so old to be working so hard. Why does he have to travel far just to sell tissues? Can't he just go downstairs his block to a coffeshop nearby and sell it there? At that moment I started counting my blessings, I felt ashamed of myself.
This old man sells tissue because he needs money, and he'll do anything just to survive. While I at times, sitting comfortably in front of my computer and I still complain. I am sure I earn more than him, and I still complain it's not enough. I am young and healthy and sometimes I've got no passion to work. I only need to sit in front of my computer, do my task and go home. No hard labor, nothing.
I understood why Sporeans are such complainers. They always to compare to better countries better people better times. They never look down and compare, they despised when they look down and they always demand better things. They are people who are crippled by their own comfort. At that moment I prayed,
Ya Allah, make me always your humble servant who's always thankful, never make me a person who always look up instead of looking down, stop me from complaining, if I were to rise higher always remind me where my feet are and help me to always strive to do my best in everything.
I'll feel ashamed if I account lesser than this old man. I'll feel ashamed if I had all the possibility in life and I do nothing but complain. No more will I complain of my tight budgeting, how much I need to save, how much I need to give up. I'll do my best to manage. No more will I complain of my boring work, and envy those with better work, better salary. Everything has its own blessings. This one is the one I choose for the moment.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Paket-Paket yang Kesasar
Gw adalah orang yang seneng belanja online. Soalnya ga perlu cape muter-muter tinggal klak klik klak klik tiba2 udah sampe rumah aja itu barang. Tapi memang ada beberapa resiko berbelanja online, seperti: ukuran tidak pas, barang nyasar dll.
Nah sudah 2x terjadi drama "paket". Agak menyebalkan sih pas ngalamin, tapi lucu kalo udah berlalu.
Kasus ke 1
Drama "paket" pertama terjadi sekitar 1 thn lalu. Gw beli barang dari OLS. Berhubung tinggalnya di Singapur jd nitip ke temen yg mau ksini, otomatis dikirimnya ke rumah dia dong. OLS ini bisa dibilang langganan lah. Udah beberapa kali beli sama dia biasanya dikirim ke apartemen Ibu di Jakarta. Jadi bisa dibilang dia udah punya alamat dan kontak tetapnya. Gw blg sm si OLS ownernya yg sekali ini aja dikirim ke Bandung, ke alamat yg berbeda. Setelah transfer, dia kirim barangnya, katanya sampai dalam 3 hari kira-kira. Selang 3 hari tanya ke teman di Bandung katanya dia belum terima. Terus gw cek di website tracking nya tulisannya "3 times unsuccessful delivery attempt". Pas tanya ke teman dia bilang selalu ada orang di rumah dan ga ada tuh yang nganter barang. Berikutnya telpon ke kurir servisnya eh malah dimarahin sm mbak2nya, "Mbak, kita udah 3 kali nyoba nganter gagal terus ga ada orang di rumah, kalo gagal lagi kita kembalikan mbak ke pengirimnya". Lah wong ga ada yg dateng nganter barang, gimana bisa bilang ga ada orang di rumah?
Anyway, 2 hari berlalu kata teman gw tetep ga ada yg nganter paket, jadinya gw cek lagi ke websitenya. Disitu ditulis, "package delivered". Loh, nyasar ke mana itu paket? Kembali gw telepon si kurir servis, dan dia mengkonfirm kalo itu paket udh diterima sama orang yg bernama Mahdi. Ih itu orang tega banget sih, ngambil barang yg bukan haknya dia (pikiran gw waktu itu). Terus gw hubungi si OLS owner nya, komplen itu barang nyasar. Terus gw tanya alamat yg waktu itu dia kasih sama no telpon yg bisa dihubungi bener ga? Dia bilang dia kasih alamat yg gw kasih kok tapi ternyata nomer telpon yg dia kasih ke kurir servis adalah... nomer telepon nyokap :|.
Gw telepon nyokap, terus nyokap bilang, "Oiya, waktu itu ada yang nelepon nanya alamat kamu di Bandung, ibu kasih aja alamatnya ibu kos yg lama (sekarang kosan adek gw)". Setelah gw pikir-pikir lagi, nama Bapak Kos gw kan MAHDI hahahahaahaha. Setelah itu telepon ex kostan, kata ibu kos emang ada waktu itu paket dateng atas nama gw, trus dikasih ke adek gw. Nah si adek gw yg dodol kagak konfirm ke gw, disimpen aja itu paket. Pas gw tanya ke dia dia cm menjawab dengan lempeng, "Iya ada paket noh buat lo, gw bingung kenapa dikirim kesini". *sigh*.
Kesimpulan cerita pertama: Paket nyasar ke rumah ibu kos karena SALAH nomer telepon, dan orang yg nerima (adek gw) ga konfirmasi.
Kasus ke 2
Kasus yang kedua baru aja kejadian. Nah, kali ini adalah pembelian pertama dari si OLS. Setelah transfer gw sms orangnya konfirm pembayaran. Ga dibales. 3 hari kemudian gw tanya lagi, ga dibales.. Wiken gw kan sakit, jd hari Senen gw tanya lagi via FB dan dia bilang udah dikirim tgl seminggu sebelumnya dengan nomer resi XXXXXXXXXXXX. Wat? Seminggu masa ga nyampe2??? Bandung Jakarta gitu lowh. Gw tracking dong dari websitenya gagal, "invalid number". Kali ini gw agak grogi soalnya akhir-akhir ini lg marak penipuan OLS owner bilang udah dikirim tapi barang belum dikirim. Mana ini kali pertama gw purchase pula. Tapi gw sih insyaAllah yakin toko ini ga akan nipu. Jadi pasti terjadi miss di ujung penghantaran atau penerimaan.
Gw telepon si suami minta tolong teleponin ke kurir service buat ngecek status barang. Setelah dia ngecek, kata suami itu barang udah sampai dengan selamat di rumah diterima sm Nur (yang mana adalah Lek nya). Terus dia telepon rumah, katanya ada paket dateng tapi buat ipar gw. Suami gw dengan pede bilang ah paling salah naro, itu harusnya paket kamu. Gw konfirm ke ipar gw, dia bilang, "Bukan Ji, itu emang paket gw. Justru orang rumah ngira itu paket lo tapi namanya kan nama gw." Bingung dong gw...
Gw telepon lagi suami:
Gw: "Yah, itu bukan paket gw, kata Kiki itu beneran punya dia, jadi paket gw mana?
Suami: (ngotot) "Gw konfirm ke kurir service pake nomer yang kamu kasih itu udah sampe. Jadi harusnya itu paket kamu"
Gw: "Beda yah, dia itu kurirnya beda, jadi ga mungkin mixed up"
(suami terdiam)
Suami: "Eh, apa jangan-jangan paket kamu udah sampe dari minggu lalu dan kucemplungin ke koper ya"
(yang bener ajeeeeeee)
Gw: "AH!!! Cek gih! Jangan gw udah ribut ke seantero dunia tapi paketnya ternyata selama ini nongkrong di kamar lo!!"
(Beberapa menit kemudian)
Suami: "Hehe ibu, ternyata ada di koperku. Aku samar2 ingat suatu malam aku pulang cape banget ada paket buat kamu. Jd kucemplungin aja langsung ke koper buat dibawa ke Singapur"
Kesimpulan: Paket kedua ga nyasar, cuma gara2 orang yg APATIS jadinya itu paket seakan kesasar.
Nah sudah 2x terjadi drama "paket". Agak menyebalkan sih pas ngalamin, tapi lucu kalo udah berlalu.
Kasus ke 1
Drama "paket" pertama terjadi sekitar 1 thn lalu. Gw beli barang dari OLS. Berhubung tinggalnya di Singapur jd nitip ke temen yg mau ksini, otomatis dikirimnya ke rumah dia dong. OLS ini bisa dibilang langganan lah. Udah beberapa kali beli sama dia biasanya dikirim ke apartemen Ibu di Jakarta. Jadi bisa dibilang dia udah punya alamat dan kontak tetapnya. Gw blg sm si OLS ownernya yg sekali ini aja dikirim ke Bandung, ke alamat yg berbeda. Setelah transfer, dia kirim barangnya, katanya sampai dalam 3 hari kira-kira. Selang 3 hari tanya ke teman di Bandung katanya dia belum terima. Terus gw cek di website tracking nya tulisannya "3 times unsuccessful delivery attempt". Pas tanya ke teman dia bilang selalu ada orang di rumah dan ga ada tuh yang nganter barang. Berikutnya telpon ke kurir servisnya eh malah dimarahin sm mbak2nya, "Mbak, kita udah 3 kali nyoba nganter gagal terus ga ada orang di rumah, kalo gagal lagi kita kembalikan mbak ke pengirimnya". Lah wong ga ada yg dateng nganter barang, gimana bisa bilang ga ada orang di rumah?
Anyway, 2 hari berlalu kata teman gw tetep ga ada yg nganter paket, jadinya gw cek lagi ke websitenya. Disitu ditulis, "package delivered". Loh, nyasar ke mana itu paket? Kembali gw telepon si kurir servis, dan dia mengkonfirm kalo itu paket udh diterima sama orang yg bernama Mahdi. Ih itu orang tega banget sih, ngambil barang yg bukan haknya dia (pikiran gw waktu itu). Terus gw hubungi si OLS owner nya, komplen itu barang nyasar. Terus gw tanya alamat yg waktu itu dia kasih sama no telpon yg bisa dihubungi bener ga? Dia bilang dia kasih alamat yg gw kasih kok tapi ternyata nomer telpon yg dia kasih ke kurir servis adalah... nomer telepon nyokap :|.
Gw telepon nyokap, terus nyokap bilang, "Oiya, waktu itu ada yang nelepon nanya alamat kamu di Bandung, ibu kasih aja alamatnya ibu kos yg lama (sekarang kosan adek gw)". Setelah gw pikir-pikir lagi, nama Bapak Kos gw kan MAHDI hahahahaahaha. Setelah itu telepon ex kostan, kata ibu kos emang ada waktu itu paket dateng atas nama gw, trus dikasih ke adek gw. Nah si adek gw yg dodol kagak konfirm ke gw, disimpen aja itu paket. Pas gw tanya ke dia dia cm menjawab dengan lempeng, "Iya ada paket noh buat lo, gw bingung kenapa dikirim kesini". *sigh*.
Kesimpulan cerita pertama: Paket nyasar ke rumah ibu kos karena SALAH nomer telepon, dan orang yg nerima (adek gw) ga konfirmasi.
Kasus ke 2
Kasus yang kedua baru aja kejadian. Nah, kali ini adalah pembelian pertama dari si OLS. Setelah transfer gw sms orangnya konfirm pembayaran. Ga dibales. 3 hari kemudian gw tanya lagi, ga dibales.. Wiken gw kan sakit, jd hari Senen gw tanya lagi via FB dan dia bilang udah dikirim tgl seminggu sebelumnya dengan nomer resi XXXXXXXXXXXX. Wat? Seminggu masa ga nyampe2??? Bandung Jakarta gitu lowh. Gw tracking dong dari websitenya gagal, "invalid number". Kali ini gw agak grogi soalnya akhir-akhir ini lg marak penipuan OLS owner bilang udah dikirim tapi barang belum dikirim. Mana ini kali pertama gw purchase pula. Tapi gw sih insyaAllah yakin toko ini ga akan nipu. Jadi pasti terjadi miss di ujung penghantaran atau penerimaan.
Gw telepon si suami minta tolong teleponin ke kurir service buat ngecek status barang. Setelah dia ngecek, kata suami itu barang udah sampai dengan selamat di rumah diterima sm Nur (yang mana adalah Lek nya). Terus dia telepon rumah, katanya ada paket dateng tapi buat ipar gw. Suami gw dengan pede bilang ah paling salah naro, itu harusnya paket kamu. Gw konfirm ke ipar gw, dia bilang, "Bukan Ji, itu emang paket gw. Justru orang rumah ngira itu paket lo tapi namanya kan nama gw." Bingung dong gw...
Gw telepon lagi suami:
Gw: "Yah, itu bukan paket gw, kata Kiki itu beneran punya dia, jadi paket gw mana?
Suami: (ngotot) "Gw konfirm ke kurir service pake nomer yang kamu kasih itu udah sampe. Jadi harusnya itu paket kamu"
Gw: "Beda yah, dia itu kurirnya beda, jadi ga mungkin mixed up"
(suami terdiam)
Suami: "Eh, apa jangan-jangan paket kamu udah sampe dari minggu lalu dan kucemplungin ke koper ya"
(yang bener ajeeeeeee)
Gw: "AH!!! Cek gih! Jangan gw udah ribut ke seantero dunia tapi paketnya ternyata selama ini nongkrong di kamar lo!!"
(Beberapa menit kemudian)
Suami: "Hehe ibu, ternyata ada di koperku. Aku samar2 ingat suatu malam aku pulang cape banget ada paket buat kamu. Jd kucemplungin aja langsung ke koper buat dibawa ke Singapur"
Kesimpulan: Paket kedua ga nyasar, cuma gara2 orang yg APATIS jadinya itu paket seakan kesasar.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Cholesterol
Last Saturday I did my medical check up. Of course hoping that everything turns out normal. I received my blood test yesterday and I didn't expect the results. My LDL cholesterol is already on the middle borderline high. Total cholesterol level is 222, while normal level is 200. High is when it's more than 239. Lucky I did my ecg, which turns out normal. Which means so far I got no problem with my heart yet but it will become a problem if I don't change my lifestyle. I suspect it's more of an hereditary thing. Some People with my type of lifestyle might be having normal cholesterol levels because genetically they are able to process it well.
It's quite of a shock for me which means I got to change all my eating habits, my snacks, everything I use, everything I eat.
All the web said it's not so hard. I only need to limit my type of carbo intake, e.g. Change rice to wheat oatmeal brown rice etc or eat very small amount of rice.
Drink low fat milk, or soy milk. Change my oil to olive oil or canola oil, change my margarines to the ones without trans fats. Change my santan to low fat milk. But I can still use all other ingredients.
But I barely can eat things like ready to cook nuggets, meatballs I gotta choose carefully, etc. Lots and lots and lots of fruits and veggies. And I guess no more unhealthy snack for me for at least a few months ahead. My most unhealthy snack can only be oven roasted peanuts :|.
Oh well, it seems my carefree youth day is over for me. A hint for me to do more exercise and lose weight.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
It's quite of a shock for me which means I got to change all my eating habits, my snacks, everything I use, everything I eat.
All the web said it's not so hard. I only need to limit my type of carbo intake, e.g. Change rice to wheat oatmeal brown rice etc or eat very small amount of rice.
Drink low fat milk, or soy milk. Change my oil to olive oil or canola oil, change my margarines to the ones without trans fats. Change my santan to low fat milk. But I can still use all other ingredients.
But I barely can eat things like ready to cook nuggets, meatballs I gotta choose carefully, etc. Lots and lots and lots of fruits and veggies. And I guess no more unhealthy snack for me for at least a few months ahead. My most unhealthy snack can only be oven roasted peanuts :|.
Oh well, it seems my carefree youth day is over for me. A hint for me to do more exercise and lose weight.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, June 27, 2011
Religious Tolerance
I happen to spend my childhood in Aceh. Where the majorities are moslem, we practiced Islamic law tightly and where they call nonMoslem as infidels. It also happens that I have one very best friend at that time which is a Christian and he was a very good Christian indeed. When we were kids, his dream was to become a pastor. He said to serve his God. I always associated pastors with unmarried, and poor, which is not the case apparently. At that time, I asked him is that the only way you can serve your God, you know, becoming a pastor. By becoming an engineer or scientist, you can also still serve your God, can't you? At that time, he insisted on becoming a pastor.
It is not very common for a young Moslem girl to have a young Christian boy as her best friend at that time. Because in school we were all taught that Christians and Jews will forever be our enemies, and that they will use all tricks to make you fall. We were told of the horrible things they do to convert us to become them.
I maybe am one of the careless people in the world. If I see it's not dangerous I would just go through with it despite what everyone says. Then we became best friends, until we grow up. I dated one of his other best friend, and if there is anything I can't tell anyone, I tell him and vice versa. He holds my darkest secret, and I hold his. Some things he can boldly do which I could not. There are things I admire about him and which makes me so calm whenever I'm around him. No people, it's not love, it's compassion. Even after I moved to Jakarta, Bandung, Singapore, and he roams Jogjakarta, Manila and Jakarta we still kept in touch. Sometimes I wonder why I could never have such relationship with a fellow Muslim. We respect each other and kept religious issues at bay. I pray, and he sings. Rasulullah never taught us to hate nonbelievers, but to stood our ground firm whenever anyone disturb our beliefs.
Now I'm married and he's married. I'm quite close with the wife. Guess what, he didn't become a pastor in the end. He married one! hahahaha. Apparently in Christian, girls can also become some sort of a pastor, who dedicated their life to religion and work in the church. He took my advice and become a chemical engineer in the end, and work in an oil company. After we got married and he got busy then things started to change. But strangely I don't hate him for it... because I know.. he'll always be my friend.
And from him, I've learned the lesson of religious tolerance that everyone is fighting for. Through friendship.
It is not very common for a young Moslem girl to have a young Christian boy as her best friend at that time. Because in school we were all taught that Christians and Jews will forever be our enemies, and that they will use all tricks to make you fall. We were told of the horrible things they do to convert us to become them.
I maybe am one of the careless people in the world. If I see it's not dangerous I would just go through with it despite what everyone says. Then we became best friends, until we grow up. I dated one of his other best friend, and if there is anything I can't tell anyone, I tell him and vice versa. He holds my darkest secret, and I hold his. Some things he can boldly do which I could not. There are things I admire about him and which makes me so calm whenever I'm around him. No people, it's not love, it's compassion. Even after I moved to Jakarta, Bandung, Singapore, and he roams Jogjakarta, Manila and Jakarta we still kept in touch. Sometimes I wonder why I could never have such relationship with a fellow Muslim. We respect each other and kept religious issues at bay. I pray, and he sings. Rasulullah never taught us to hate nonbelievers, but to stood our ground firm whenever anyone disturb our beliefs.
Now I'm married and he's married. I'm quite close with the wife. Guess what, he didn't become a pastor in the end. He married one! hahahaha. Apparently in Christian, girls can also become some sort of a pastor, who dedicated their life to religion and work in the church. He took my advice and become a chemical engineer in the end, and work in an oil company. After we got married and he got busy then things started to change. But strangely I don't hate him for it... because I know.. he'll always be my friend.
And from him, I've learned the lesson of religious tolerance that everyone is fighting for. Through friendship.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tantrum
It's really frustrating to see my 1.5yr old throwing tantrums. Whenever she wants something but she couldn't say it. Whenever she wants something that I couldn't wouldn't give. She would scream, kick, cry for as long as she can.
But I too throw tantrums. I get angry whenever I couldn't have what i want. I put on silence mode as long as I can, I can stand not talking for days months even years. I can cry in my sleep cursing. I can hate for no reason at all. Those are adult's tantrums. Like boys will always be boys, us girls will always be girls.
Whenever she throws tantrum I would just leave her be. Within minutes, hours, she'll be fine. Whenever I throw tantrum, only time will heal. Can be days, months, years.
Us humans will never be satisfied. It's like satisfaction is on the brink of extinction. Just like kids who can't have everything they want. We adults can't have everything we want either. Just like them we get angry.. We cry and we hate even.
I hate some people who seems to have everything I want. They have my dream life, they married with the person that I loved, they seemed happy! Then I hate them for being so!
They do nothing wrong, it's just me being a child who got angry because they have it and I don't. If this was my daughter, she would sleep on it and she'll forget about it the next day. Girl, how I wish I was you.. Crying over something and got over it the next day.
I believe this is a process she needs to go thru. That she just can't have everything. Hopefully she can become a better person.
Now I feel that I am as childish as she is. It's true, being a parent makes u see yourself in a different way. I see myself in her, and promise that I will grow with her each day so we both be a better person in this life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
But I too throw tantrums. I get angry whenever I couldn't have what i want. I put on silence mode as long as I can, I can stand not talking for days months even years. I can cry in my sleep cursing. I can hate for no reason at all. Those are adult's tantrums. Like boys will always be boys, us girls will always be girls.
Whenever she throws tantrum I would just leave her be. Within minutes, hours, she'll be fine. Whenever I throw tantrum, only time will heal. Can be days, months, years.
Us humans will never be satisfied. It's like satisfaction is on the brink of extinction. Just like kids who can't have everything they want. We adults can't have everything we want either. Just like them we get angry.. We cry and we hate even.
I hate some people who seems to have everything I want. They have my dream life, they married with the person that I loved, they seemed happy! Then I hate them for being so!
They do nothing wrong, it's just me being a child who got angry because they have it and I don't. If this was my daughter, she would sleep on it and she'll forget about it the next day. Girl, how I wish I was you.. Crying over something and got over it the next day.
I believe this is a process she needs to go thru. That she just can't have everything. Hopefully she can become a better person.
Now I feel that I am as childish as she is. It's true, being a parent makes u see yourself in a different way. I see myself in her, and promise that I will grow with her each day so we both be a better person in this life.
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Sunday, May 8, 2011
Singapore GE for a Foreigner
The GE have just gone by, the casting votes was yesterday. Considered the hottest and biggest in decades I think. Because since the GE in 2006 alot of dramatic changes take place. I've lived here since then so I too felt it. Raise in GST, rapid rise in housing, rapid demands in housing, PUB keeps on increasing, inflation etc. So I guess this is the Singaporean time to demand a better life in the future for them.
Now as a foreigner, I know what I think doesn't matter. Who am I anyway. I'm even included in those things they complained about. Too many foreigners. Donno which one they're talking about, but since they generalize I assumed I'm included in what they meant.
But really, do YOU think living here as a middle income foreigner is easy on us? I'm no PR and trust me, I got lesser privileges than what you think. Some of Sporeans complain abt the hiking properties' prices. Well, I complain of my little salary increase and how fast everything else hikes. Housing rentals, PUB, etc. We got no subsidies no medisave, nothing, we just pay lower tax, but the rest we bear it ourselves. Childcare, no subsidies. I got to choose, $1500 childcare centres or hire a maid plus the $265 per month tax. The list is still long but you calculate people, I guess the amount of tax you pay every year is more than what I got to live with every year. And guess what, I bet you and I got the same salary, or maybe yours is more. I see so many of yous carrying KS, Coach, LV, while I got to think to save up in case my housing rent goes up. Maybe you think it's hard for you to save, but what I save is just nice for rainy days. Even so I'm still grateful which might not exist in your dictionary.
We fill in for those positions you don't like. Read: engineers, architects. Those that makes average bucks and takes years to get slightly rich. Maybe your govt takes advantage that they can pay us lower. But mostly because less and lesser of you are interested in our field.
During the rally, I really feel sad that some parties talk about this foreigners issue. You talk about us like we're aliens who invaded your country. I know you blame the government of importing so many of us in. But please don't speak of us in such manners. Without us no one will live in your HDB and help you pay your installment while earning extra bucks.
Whoever wins this election, I hope they can make living better for all Singaporeans and us aliens. But whoever wins, stop staring at us in the MRT if we fell asleep cause we were tired and did not notice you who needed seats and stamped us as "must be foreigners". I bet you all do the same too, even pretended to sleep.
Even though you see us as aliens but if you take a closer look, you'll know we're human too.
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Now as a foreigner, I know what I think doesn't matter. Who am I anyway. I'm even included in those things they complained about. Too many foreigners. Donno which one they're talking about, but since they generalize I assumed I'm included in what they meant.
But really, do YOU think living here as a middle income foreigner is easy on us? I'm no PR and trust me, I got lesser privileges than what you think. Some of Sporeans complain abt the hiking properties' prices. Well, I complain of my little salary increase and how fast everything else hikes. Housing rentals, PUB, etc. We got no subsidies no medisave, nothing, we just pay lower tax, but the rest we bear it ourselves. Childcare, no subsidies. I got to choose, $1500 childcare centres or hire a maid plus the $265 per month tax. The list is still long but you calculate people, I guess the amount of tax you pay every year is more than what I got to live with every year. And guess what, I bet you and I got the same salary, or maybe yours is more. I see so many of yous carrying KS, Coach, LV, while I got to think to save up in case my housing rent goes up. Maybe you think it's hard for you to save, but what I save is just nice for rainy days. Even so I'm still grateful which might not exist in your dictionary.
We fill in for those positions you don't like. Read: engineers, architects. Those that makes average bucks and takes years to get slightly rich. Maybe your govt takes advantage that they can pay us lower. But mostly because less and lesser of you are interested in our field.
During the rally, I really feel sad that some parties talk about this foreigners issue. You talk about us like we're aliens who invaded your country. I know you blame the government of importing so many of us in. But please don't speak of us in such manners. Without us no one will live in your HDB and help you pay your installment while earning extra bucks.
Whoever wins this election, I hope they can make living better for all Singaporeans and us aliens. But whoever wins, stop staring at us in the MRT if we fell asleep cause we were tired and did not notice you who needed seats and stamped us as "must be foreigners". I bet you all do the same too, even pretended to sleep.
Even though you see us as aliens but if you take a closer look, you'll know we're human too.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
InsyaAllah
Ketika kita mengucapkan InsyaAllah berarti kita sudah menyerahkan semua urusan kepada Allah. Segala faktor tak terduga, segala hasil akhir, segala keputusan. Dan jika di ujung jalan itu benar2 Allah yg menentukan diluar dugaan kita maka kita harus terus lillahi ta'ala. Karena sesungguhnya segala yg ada di langit dan bumi sampai bagian2 dan sifat2 terkecil adalah milik Allah semata.
Buat kita para muslim panduan ini sudah sangat jelas dan sangat mudah. Sebenernya tinggal dijalani saja. Tapi bagi kita para manusia yg pny ego dan rasa kepemilikan yg tinggi konsep ini sulit dijalankan.
Saya salut pada orang2 Jepang yg baru2 ini dilanda bencana luar biasa. Memakan korban nyaris 10000 jiwa dan kerugian harta benda yg tdk sedikit. Namun ketika para survivor diwawancara, mereka tampak tegar. Tidak sedikitpun mereka melolong2, meratapi nasib. Mereka masih bersikap tertib teratur dan patuh. Mereka tidak percaya Allah, namun sikap mereka amat lillahi ta'ala.
Ketika Nabi berkata tuntutlah ilmu hingga negeri Cina, saya rasa maksudnya adalah dalam hal ilmu ambillah dari mana saja. Bukan berarti dgn menjadi muslim kita sudah menjadi manusia terbaik. Justru semakin banyak yg harus kita pelajari untuk menjadi semakin baik.
Trip saya ke Jepang pun terancam gagal. Awalnya saya sempat panik dan kecewa. Namun setelah satu persatu saya selesaikan dgn seksama insyaAllah saya ikhlas jika saya tidak jadi berangkat. Karena sesungguhnya dari awalpun saya sudah berkata insyaAllah. Saya sudah menyerahkan semua pada Allah.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Buat kita para muslim panduan ini sudah sangat jelas dan sangat mudah. Sebenernya tinggal dijalani saja. Tapi bagi kita para manusia yg pny ego dan rasa kepemilikan yg tinggi konsep ini sulit dijalankan.
Saya salut pada orang2 Jepang yg baru2 ini dilanda bencana luar biasa. Memakan korban nyaris 10000 jiwa dan kerugian harta benda yg tdk sedikit. Namun ketika para survivor diwawancara, mereka tampak tegar. Tidak sedikitpun mereka melolong2, meratapi nasib. Mereka masih bersikap tertib teratur dan patuh. Mereka tidak percaya Allah, namun sikap mereka amat lillahi ta'ala.
Ketika Nabi berkata tuntutlah ilmu hingga negeri Cina, saya rasa maksudnya adalah dalam hal ilmu ambillah dari mana saja. Bukan berarti dgn menjadi muslim kita sudah menjadi manusia terbaik. Justru semakin banyak yg harus kita pelajari untuk menjadi semakin baik.
Trip saya ke Jepang pun terancam gagal. Awalnya saya sempat panik dan kecewa. Namun setelah satu persatu saya selesaikan dgn seksama insyaAllah saya ikhlas jika saya tidak jadi berangkat. Karena sesungguhnya dari awalpun saya sudah berkata insyaAllah. Saya sudah menyerahkan semua pada Allah.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Sweetest Thing
You never know what you've got until it's gone is truly applicable for me. My husband is posted in Batam for 1 month and I feel very lonely suddenly. The first few days I was so happy running around here and there. But after a few days it's just boring without him.
On these days I've always thought of some of our happy moments. Some things that he just did without thinking.
It was during the world cup event 2010. I am a football fan, since I was 12 years old. I've never missed a single world cup final until.. 2010. Last year I was so tired I slept late but did remind him to wake me up to watch the final.
When I woke up it was morning time 6 am. I browsed online, the results were out. He was still sleeping.
I woke him and told him sadly that we missed the match. But he joyfully said, "No we did not. I watched half time last night. It was awesome". I froze. "You looked tired so I didn't wake u up". I can still forgive him for waking up late not seeing the match. But I couldn't forgive him for not waking me up that night! I was furious. i've never missed a single match! Then he said, "You could always watch the re-run". I looked at him and said, "It's world cup for God's sake. I need to wait 4 more years for another live final!"
You can say I'm being unreasonable so be it. It's enough reason for me. He kept on apologizing but I stood firm. I was really really really mad. I felt like I was being cheated (to the point of exaggeration).
It happened on a normal regular working day. Normally I would always bother him at work. But not this day. When he called I even hung up. Lunch time was the worst, evryone in office were talking about the final and I was just left out. Hate the feeling!
And thus half day had passed.
While I was working on something a guy walked in.
"you got flowers"
(open jaw)
"Are you Wijiarni?"
"yes"
"these flowers are for you"
(open jaw + wrinkles on my face)
"I think you got the wrong person"
"It says it's for u leh, please sign here"
(open jaw + wrinkles + eyes popping out)
"sorry but I can't think of anyone who would do this so I still think you got the wrong name"
"but it says here it's for u, and you got a card as well"
(well, the name was definitely mine)
The card reads:
Sorry for not waking you up to watch last night final match. I promise I would wake u up for 2014 WC final. Bram.
Really, it was just the sweetest thing.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
On these days I've always thought of some of our happy moments. Some things that he just did without thinking.
It was during the world cup event 2010. I am a football fan, since I was 12 years old. I've never missed a single world cup final until.. 2010. Last year I was so tired I slept late but did remind him to wake me up to watch the final.
When I woke up it was morning time 6 am. I browsed online, the results were out. He was still sleeping.
I woke him and told him sadly that we missed the match. But he joyfully said, "No we did not. I watched half time last night. It was awesome". I froze. "You looked tired so I didn't wake u up". I can still forgive him for waking up late not seeing the match. But I couldn't forgive him for not waking me up that night! I was furious. i've never missed a single match! Then he said, "You could always watch the re-run". I looked at him and said, "It's world cup for God's sake. I need to wait 4 more years for another live final!"
You can say I'm being unreasonable so be it. It's enough reason for me. He kept on apologizing but I stood firm. I was really really really mad. I felt like I was being cheated (to the point of exaggeration).
It happened on a normal regular working day. Normally I would always bother him at work. But not this day. When he called I even hung up. Lunch time was the worst, evryone in office were talking about the final and I was just left out. Hate the feeling!
And thus half day had passed.
While I was working on something a guy walked in.
"you got flowers"
(open jaw)
"Are you Wijiarni?"
"yes"
"these flowers are for you"
(open jaw + wrinkles on my face)
"I think you got the wrong person"
"It says it's for u leh, please sign here"
(open jaw + wrinkles + eyes popping out)
"sorry but I can't think of anyone who would do this so I still think you got the wrong name"
"but it says here it's for u, and you got a card as well"
(well, the name was definitely mine)
The card reads:
Sorry for not waking you up to watch last night final match. I promise I would wake u up for 2014 WC final. Bram.
Really, it was just the sweetest thing.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Being Independent
I think lots of women will envy me so much. I am married and I still get to decide my own life. I am still in control of my life. Because my husband give me literally the freedom to decide things. He would not fuss over the smallest things. I get to control the finances, my spending, household spending, even the smallest details like cutting my hair, going out suddenly to meet up with friends. How I want to dress up, how I raise my daughter, etc. He basically give me so much freedom. The big things.. well.. sometimes so many small things become big. This is why I am trying my best not to deny this blessing of mine.
Even so, I as a woman is still a woman. I need guidance, I need instruction at times. There are times that I couldn't think straight and couldn't make my own decision due to some confusing facts. At these times... my husband still leave it all to me. Maybe he overestimated me. He thought I was independent enough, cold headed enough to handle everything by myself, strong enough to handle anything that comes before me.
Sometimes I envy those women who live under their husband's armpit. The husband will decide everything, the husband will take care of everything. You only need to obey and live, and do as they say. Not much thinking and responsibility don't you think? Even though sometimes you feel suppressed, but you don't need to make decisions. I've lived in that kind of family for years. I don't know how I turn out this way. Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that. To listen and obey without much position to spare in a household, where the husband will control and take care of everything. But I can tell that my father has a hard time doing it all the time as well. Maybe my mother relied on him so much to the point that she has forgotten how to make her own decisions and somehow become a burden at times.
Husband-Wife roles nowadays have adapted to the new situation. Where both parties work. Therefore the house is not only the wife's burden but the husband's as well. IT is a bit difficult to insert this to the Indonesian mindset where husband has got to share his role in a household itself. Wives are simply provider and husbands are simply managers. That's what creates strong women in this society.
But no matter how strong we are, we have limitations, we have needs. Sometimes this society ignores this fact by pressing all those obligations to us without simply see us as a human being. Then again all those old time housewives will say they could do it last time, why couldn't we? I'm intrigued to say, you guys are aliens! hahahah. It is partially true. It's just that we all got to admit, as time goes by, all those things that they thought they could live without, we the present humans couldn't live without.
I don't mind being independent, but I want those times where I could just hang my hopes and decisions to someone without having to think what to do. Sometimes, I just want to be.. dependent :)
Even so, I as a woman is still a woman. I need guidance, I need instruction at times. There are times that I couldn't think straight and couldn't make my own decision due to some confusing facts. At these times... my husband still leave it all to me. Maybe he overestimated me. He thought I was independent enough, cold headed enough to handle everything by myself, strong enough to handle anything that comes before me.
Sometimes I envy those women who live under their husband's armpit. The husband will decide everything, the husband will take care of everything. You only need to obey and live, and do as they say. Not much thinking and responsibility don't you think? Even though sometimes you feel suppressed, but you don't need to make decisions. I've lived in that kind of family for years. I don't know how I turn out this way. Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that. To listen and obey without much position to spare in a household, where the husband will control and take care of everything. But I can tell that my father has a hard time doing it all the time as well. Maybe my mother relied on him so much to the point that she has forgotten how to make her own decisions and somehow become a burden at times.
Husband-Wife roles nowadays have adapted to the new situation. Where both parties work. Therefore the house is not only the wife's burden but the husband's as well. IT is a bit difficult to insert this to the Indonesian mindset where husband has got to share his role in a household itself. Wives are simply provider and husbands are simply managers. That's what creates strong women in this society.
But no matter how strong we are, we have limitations, we have needs. Sometimes this society ignores this fact by pressing all those obligations to us without simply see us as a human being. Then again all those old time housewives will say they could do it last time, why couldn't we? I'm intrigued to say, you guys are aliens! hahahah. It is partially true. It's just that we all got to admit, as time goes by, all those things that they thought they could live without, we the present humans couldn't live without.
I don't mind being independent, but I want those times where I could just hang my hopes and decisions to someone without having to think what to do. Sometimes, I just want to be.. dependent :)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Renungan on 2nd March 2011
I envy people who are naturally perfect. As in they are so perfect you couldn't come to hate them. If you do, you'll just be the bad guy. I too at times try hard to be perfect. But in the end I just get frustrated and blaming myself for failing.
I guess so some people are born and have a gift to be perfect. There are some people who wants to be recognized as perfect and superwoman. They thrived to be the perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect employee. Wew, what a tiring life it will be.. I can imagine how exhausted you must be trying so hard to be perfect.
But lately I've come to realize that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.
Lately one of my married friend told me that he sometimes still wants other women too. I asked him why, he's got a perfect wife! Pretty, tall, decent, religious, cheerful, obedient, good family P-E-R-F-E-C-T. She's everything that I wish I had. He says it's not the wife, it's just him. He's used to having so many girls in the past it's hard to let go.
That really brought me thinking. I know it's just one person, but really, by being perfect, doesn't mean you'll lead a perfect life.
The imperfection is what makes you be loved. Really, loving a perfect person is not easy, you feel like you must keep up to their standard. You must be a good person, respectful, etc, etc. It's a good thing, but isn't it better to be a flawed person, living with another flawed person? So you know that each of you got something to work on and you feel it's okay to be yourself, since he is flawed anyway.
Perfection belongs to Allah. We can circle around it but will never hit the jackpot. Once you feel you are the better ones among others, then you will never even get close to perfect.
So today
I woke up next to my daughter without my husband by my side and thought, it's good to have this kind of moment once in a while, so I can treasure her more and pay more attention to her.
I walked out and took my stroll to the MRT station, and thought to myself, I'm happy we don't have a car. If not, I wouldn't appreciate this fresh air and the temperature difference every morning haha.
I got to my office and thought, thank God I'm not smart, so I feel like I've got lots to learn and will always thrive my best.
I called my parents and thought, Thank God it is not a perfect family, otherwise I wouldn't appreciate the bitterness in life.
I called my husband and thought, Thank God I married him, because we are both so imperfect in many ways and we will always have something to work on every year.
I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, I've got freckles, pimples, big pores, I'm short and I'm not skinny. Thank God I am what I am now for a very simple reason. This small me has gone a loooong way to be here and I'm not throwing it all away for a perfection.
I guess so some people are born and have a gift to be perfect. There are some people who wants to be recognized as perfect and superwoman. They thrived to be the perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect employee. Wew, what a tiring life it will be.. I can imagine how exhausted you must be trying so hard to be perfect.
But lately I've come to realize that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.
Lately one of my married friend told me that he sometimes still wants other women too. I asked him why, he's got a perfect wife! Pretty, tall, decent, religious, cheerful, obedient, good family P-E-R-F-E-C-T. She's everything that I wish I had. He says it's not the wife, it's just him. He's used to having so many girls in the past it's hard to let go.
That really brought me thinking. I know it's just one person, but really, by being perfect, doesn't mean you'll lead a perfect life.
The imperfection is what makes you be loved. Really, loving a perfect person is not easy, you feel like you must keep up to their standard. You must be a good person, respectful, etc, etc. It's a good thing, but isn't it better to be a flawed person, living with another flawed person? So you know that each of you got something to work on and you feel it's okay to be yourself, since he is flawed anyway.
Perfection belongs to Allah. We can circle around it but will never hit the jackpot. Once you feel you are the better ones among others, then you will never even get close to perfect.
So today
I woke up next to my daughter without my husband by my side and thought, it's good to have this kind of moment once in a while, so I can treasure her more and pay more attention to her.
I walked out and took my stroll to the MRT station, and thought to myself, I'm happy we don't have a car. If not, I wouldn't appreciate this fresh air and the temperature difference every morning haha.
I got to my office and thought, thank God I'm not smart, so I feel like I've got lots to learn and will always thrive my best.
I called my parents and thought, Thank God it is not a perfect family, otherwise I wouldn't appreciate the bitterness in life.
I called my husband and thought, Thank God I married him, because we are both so imperfect in many ways and we will always have something to work on every year.
I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, I've got freckles, pimples, big pores, I'm short and I'm not skinny. Thank God I am what I am now for a very simple reason. This small me has gone a loooong way to be here and I'm not throwing it all away for a perfection.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
When It is Unsaid
Akhir2 ini postinganku selalu seputar pasutri. So here we go again.. Aku adalah wanita yg cukup independen, jujur, straightforward, berani, dan senang bertualang. Hanya saja mungkin sejak menikah dan punya anak I'm somehow tied up.
I can't shake the feeling that some of my freedom have been robbed away from me. Some would say that is the price you gotta pay when you settle down. I can't come back late so often, I can't meet up with friends at sudden times etc. I can't say what I want as free as I used to be.
I know I've always said I don't care what people say, but it does get into my nerves. You know, all the things those people who thought they know what's best for you opinions aka parents, in laws, etc.
Islam does touch up on household as well. Relationship between husband and wife etc. Wife as it says should not cross husband's law. Lower our voice when we talk to them, ask permission for anything, not making any decision without husband's consent etc.
True enough, because honestly as a woman, I like to feel wanted, needed, caressed, defended, and given orders to at times. Being tough and independent all the time can be tiring, so please rob my independence occasionally.
But I think my husband doesn't get this. Knowing that I am so thickheaded and strong willed. He lets me make my own decisions and let me do as I please. Which I do appreciate at times. But I do want my privileged of being someone's property at times. I get sick of playing the owner evrytime.
How do you say these kind of things? O dear husband, please be mean to me and order me around this time??? Worse off, when I can't make decisions and he still throws it back to me to decide. I'm left hanging.
He can just say yes or no convincingly then I'll obey. I don't like it when he says yes reluctantly and conditionally. Or when he says no but very unsure of things. It doesn't seem he's in control of his life then how can I give him mine? Does this kind of thing you'll learn thru life?
I on the other hand if it's up to myself can make my own decisions. But so I guess it's the same with everyone.
So now I don't say anything becos I don't know what to say. Then maybe crap and hell with all those "ideal wife" they're talking about. I won't get anywhere acting like them *sigh*.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I can't shake the feeling that some of my freedom have been robbed away from me. Some would say that is the price you gotta pay when you settle down. I can't come back late so often, I can't meet up with friends at sudden times etc. I can't say what I want as free as I used to be.
I know I've always said I don't care what people say, but it does get into my nerves. You know, all the things those people who thought they know what's best for you opinions aka parents, in laws, etc.
Islam does touch up on household as well. Relationship between husband and wife etc. Wife as it says should not cross husband's law. Lower our voice when we talk to them, ask permission for anything, not making any decision without husband's consent etc.
True enough, because honestly as a woman, I like to feel wanted, needed, caressed, defended, and given orders to at times. Being tough and independent all the time can be tiring, so please rob my independence occasionally.
But I think my husband doesn't get this. Knowing that I am so thickheaded and strong willed. He lets me make my own decisions and let me do as I please. Which I do appreciate at times. But I do want my privileged of being someone's property at times. I get sick of playing the owner evrytime.
How do you say these kind of things? O dear husband, please be mean to me and order me around this time??? Worse off, when I can't make decisions and he still throws it back to me to decide. I'm left hanging.
He can just say yes or no convincingly then I'll obey. I don't like it when he says yes reluctantly and conditionally. Or when he says no but very unsure of things. It doesn't seem he's in control of his life then how can I give him mine? Does this kind of thing you'll learn thru life?
I on the other hand if it's up to myself can make my own decisions. But so I guess it's the same with everyone.
So now I don't say anything becos I don't know what to say. Then maybe crap and hell with all those "ideal wife" they're talking about. I won't get anywhere acting like them *sigh*.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, February 18, 2011
Being A Wife
Being a wife is hard, being a good wife takes more effort, being a "perfect" flawless wife is utterly impossible. Being a wife (not even a mom) for almost two years and I've had my own insecurities.
I am a wife, but I am still me, that's the thing. I can't throw away the 26year old me within just 2 years. I still need to be myself. I have my own considerations, I have my own opinions, I have my own desires, needs, etc. Sometimes if I compare myself to other wives out there I really feel insecure. What does it take to be a good wife? Bear children ASAP? Stay home wait for your husbands and kids? Cook for them? What? It's been bothering me for quite some time.
Islam does have guidelines on how to be a good wife. Honestly, when I read through I just feel like I would just throw the whole side of me. Some I can still manage and bear to try, but some I feel I would just be faking it. Besides.. Allah created us differently, so why must we behave and think the same way? Not to mention all those pressures from the old time successful wives (read: moms, aunts, etc).
As a wife, I still talked casually with my husband, I rarely cook, even preparing breakfast and meals my maid take care of. If my mother in law knows I think she'd freak out and scared her son would divorce me someday. Hahahaha. Not saying I never worry for such things.. Worrying that I'm not good of a wife to him and he might seek another companion. I do worry occasionally. Not that I don't want to cook. It's just that I don't want to be someone trying so hard to be a super person I'd ruin everything.
It's easier to love a simple honest human being rather than a super person. These super person comes with ego. I've got nothing to brag... I got my pay, but I put it all for savings. Really, I'm on the same level with my husband no more no less. I think a good wife is measured by your own husband. Other people got no right to judge. I understand they want the best for us, but I think I can just leave it at "advice" not "orders". We who go through it knows best.
Just my two cents, if a guy cheated, don't blame the wife. So many guys in this world have good wives but they still cheat anyway. If you think they've gone bad, do tell them hubbies, instead of running around the globe for new wives. If your wife says no to having a kid or adding a family members, please appreciate their thoughts, because after all.. they will be the one bearing your kid for 9months and nursing them until they grow up and don't say things that it is in our nature to bear kids. Being a good husband is I think as important as being a good wife. They always talk about how to be a good wive period, then what should husband do to be considered good? Give money every month? Play with your kid? It's not enough! It's not even as tough as staying home guys...
In the end.... I want to be a good wife with my own personal touch. I think Allah created us differently for reasons, and even thought we have guideline but Allah never told us that being different is bad. As they say, a good wife for a good husband. That is, if you are lucky and you fill your life with ikhlas.....
I am a wife, but I am still me, that's the thing. I can't throw away the 26year old me within just 2 years. I still need to be myself. I have my own considerations, I have my own opinions, I have my own desires, needs, etc. Sometimes if I compare myself to other wives out there I really feel insecure. What does it take to be a good wife? Bear children ASAP? Stay home wait for your husbands and kids? Cook for them? What? It's been bothering me for quite some time.
Islam does have guidelines on how to be a good wife. Honestly, when I read through I just feel like I would just throw the whole side of me. Some I can still manage and bear to try, but some I feel I would just be faking it. Besides.. Allah created us differently, so why must we behave and think the same way? Not to mention all those pressures from the old time successful wives (read: moms, aunts, etc).
As a wife, I still talked casually with my husband, I rarely cook, even preparing breakfast and meals my maid take care of. If my mother in law knows I think she'd freak out and scared her son would divorce me someday. Hahahaha. Not saying I never worry for such things.. Worrying that I'm not good of a wife to him and he might seek another companion. I do worry occasionally. Not that I don't want to cook. It's just that I don't want to be someone trying so hard to be a super person I'd ruin everything.
It's easier to love a simple honest human being rather than a super person. These super person comes with ego. I've got nothing to brag... I got my pay, but I put it all for savings. Really, I'm on the same level with my husband no more no less. I think a good wife is measured by your own husband. Other people got no right to judge. I understand they want the best for us, but I think I can just leave it at "advice" not "orders". We who go through it knows best.
Just my two cents, if a guy cheated, don't blame the wife. So many guys in this world have good wives but they still cheat anyway. If you think they've gone bad, do tell them hubbies, instead of running around the globe for new wives. If your wife says no to having a kid or adding a family members, please appreciate their thoughts, because after all.. they will be the one bearing your kid for 9months and nursing them until they grow up and don't say things that it is in our nature to bear kids. Being a good husband is I think as important as being a good wife. They always talk about how to be a good wive period, then what should husband do to be considered good? Give money every month? Play with your kid? It's not enough! It's not even as tough as staying home guys...
In the end.... I want to be a good wife with my own personal touch. I think Allah created us differently for reasons, and even thought we have guideline but Allah never told us that being different is bad. As they say, a good wife for a good husband. That is, if you are lucky and you fill your life with ikhlas.....
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