Few days ago...
I can feel that it's getting worse. My mood is at an all time low and I don't have confidence to do anything. I am scared of everything and everyone. I am functioning but it's just to occupy my mind. Nothing I do is enjoyable anymore. I have constant worry and it is so debilitating. I feel like crying and the whole day my muscle always tensed up.
I also don't know what I am unconsciously running away from. It is so scary because i don't know the cause, i don't know what's happening. I just want to go back to the way I was before, happy and content.
Now...
I downloaded DARE app in my phone. I am trying to embrace my anxiety. Allowing it to come in and at the same time bravely challenging it. I am scared of a lot of things but I'm not going to let it control me. I am mostly scared of disappointing other people and what they might think of me. I am today working from home because I have a psychologist appointment. I lied to my boss saying I need to go to my son's school. I feel so heavily guilty about it and it triggered my anxiety. I am scared he will scold me or fire me and he might think I'm lazy.
But then, so what? What if he doesn't even think that way about me? It's my life and I'm doing this for myself. I am more important than what people think of me. I accept that I have this anxiety, this worry. So bring it on. How bad could it be? Muscle tension, unable to move, shaking, panic,sweating, bring it on.
And now I am writing at present.. yeah, no one is harming me, I am safe. I am just thinking about things that has not happened.
I am safe
I am enough
I am important
I don't have to be perfect
