I happen to spend my childhood in Aceh. Where the majorities are moslem, we practiced Islamic law tightly and where they call nonMoslem as infidels. It also happens that I have one very best friend at that time which is a Christian and he was a very good Christian indeed. When we were kids, his dream was to become a pastor. He said to serve his God. I always associated pastors with unmarried, and poor, which is not the case apparently. At that time, I asked him is that the only way you can serve your God, you know, becoming a pastor. By becoming an engineer or scientist, you can also still serve your God, can't you? At that time, he insisted on becoming a pastor.
It is not very common for a young Moslem girl to have a young Christian boy as her best friend at that time. Because in school we were all taught that Christians and Jews will forever be our enemies, and that they will use all tricks to make you fall. We were told of the horrible things they do to convert us to become them.
I maybe am one of the careless people in the world. If I see it's not dangerous I would just go through with it despite what everyone says. Then we became best friends, until we grow up. I dated one of his other best friend, and if there is anything I can't tell anyone, I tell him and vice versa. He holds my darkest secret, and I hold his. Some things he can boldly do which I could not. There are things I admire about him and which makes me so calm whenever I'm around him. No people, it's not love, it's compassion. Even after I moved to Jakarta, Bandung, Singapore, and he roams Jogjakarta, Manila and Jakarta we still kept in touch. Sometimes I wonder why I could never have such relationship with a fellow Muslim. We respect each other and kept religious issues at bay. I pray, and he sings. Rasulullah never taught us to hate nonbelievers, but to stood our ground firm whenever anyone disturb our beliefs.
Now I'm married and he's married. I'm quite close with the wife. Guess what, he didn't become a pastor in the end. He married one! hahahaha. Apparently in Christian, girls can also become some sort of a pastor, who dedicated their life to religion and work in the church. He took my advice and become a chemical engineer in the end, and work in an oil company. After we got married and he got busy then things started to change. But strangely I don't hate him for it... because I know.. he'll always be my friend.
And from him, I've learned the lesson of religious tolerance that everyone is fighting for. Through friendship.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tantrum
It's really frustrating to see my 1.5yr old throwing tantrums. Whenever she wants something but she couldn't say it. Whenever she wants something that I couldn't wouldn't give. She would scream, kick, cry for as long as she can.
But I too throw tantrums. I get angry whenever I couldn't have what i want. I put on silence mode as long as I can, I can stand not talking for days months even years. I can cry in my sleep cursing. I can hate for no reason at all. Those are adult's tantrums. Like boys will always be boys, us girls will always be girls.
Whenever she throws tantrum I would just leave her be. Within minutes, hours, she'll be fine. Whenever I throw tantrum, only time will heal. Can be days, months, years.
Us humans will never be satisfied. It's like satisfaction is on the brink of extinction. Just like kids who can't have everything they want. We adults can't have everything we want either. Just like them we get angry.. We cry and we hate even.
I hate some people who seems to have everything I want. They have my dream life, they married with the person that I loved, they seemed happy! Then I hate them for being so!
They do nothing wrong, it's just me being a child who got angry because they have it and I don't. If this was my daughter, she would sleep on it and she'll forget about it the next day. Girl, how I wish I was you.. Crying over something and got over it the next day.
I believe this is a process she needs to go thru. That she just can't have everything. Hopefully she can become a better person.
Now I feel that I am as childish as she is. It's true, being a parent makes u see yourself in a different way. I see myself in her, and promise that I will grow with her each day so we both be a better person in this life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
But I too throw tantrums. I get angry whenever I couldn't have what i want. I put on silence mode as long as I can, I can stand not talking for days months even years. I can cry in my sleep cursing. I can hate for no reason at all. Those are adult's tantrums. Like boys will always be boys, us girls will always be girls.
Whenever she throws tantrum I would just leave her be. Within minutes, hours, she'll be fine. Whenever I throw tantrum, only time will heal. Can be days, months, years.
Us humans will never be satisfied. It's like satisfaction is on the brink of extinction. Just like kids who can't have everything they want. We adults can't have everything we want either. Just like them we get angry.. We cry and we hate even.
I hate some people who seems to have everything I want. They have my dream life, they married with the person that I loved, they seemed happy! Then I hate them for being so!
They do nothing wrong, it's just me being a child who got angry because they have it and I don't. If this was my daughter, she would sleep on it and she'll forget about it the next day. Girl, how I wish I was you.. Crying over something and got over it the next day.
I believe this is a process she needs to go thru. That she just can't have everything. Hopefully she can become a better person.
Now I feel that I am as childish as she is. It's true, being a parent makes u see yourself in a different way. I see myself in her, and promise that I will grow with her each day so we both be a better person in this life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Singapore GE for a Foreigner
The GE have just gone by, the casting votes was yesterday. Considered the hottest and biggest in decades I think. Because since the GE in 2006 alot of dramatic changes take place. I've lived here since then so I too felt it. Raise in GST, rapid rise in housing, rapid demands in housing, PUB keeps on increasing, inflation etc. So I guess this is the Singaporean time to demand a better life in the future for them.
Now as a foreigner, I know what I think doesn't matter. Who am I anyway. I'm even included in those things they complained about. Too many foreigners. Donno which one they're talking about, but since they generalize I assumed I'm included in what they meant.
But really, do YOU think living here as a middle income foreigner is easy on us? I'm no PR and trust me, I got lesser privileges than what you think. Some of Sporeans complain abt the hiking properties' prices. Well, I complain of my little salary increase and how fast everything else hikes. Housing rentals, PUB, etc. We got no subsidies no medisave, nothing, we just pay lower tax, but the rest we bear it ourselves. Childcare, no subsidies. I got to choose, $1500 childcare centres or hire a maid plus the $265 per month tax. The list is still long but you calculate people, I guess the amount of tax you pay every year is more than what I got to live with every year. And guess what, I bet you and I got the same salary, or maybe yours is more. I see so many of yous carrying KS, Coach, LV, while I got to think to save up in case my housing rent goes up. Maybe you think it's hard for you to save, but what I save is just nice for rainy days. Even so I'm still grateful which might not exist in your dictionary.
We fill in for those positions you don't like. Read: engineers, architects. Those that makes average bucks and takes years to get slightly rich. Maybe your govt takes advantage that they can pay us lower. But mostly because less and lesser of you are interested in our field.
During the rally, I really feel sad that some parties talk about this foreigners issue. You talk about us like we're aliens who invaded your country. I know you blame the government of importing so many of us in. But please don't speak of us in such manners. Without us no one will live in your HDB and help you pay your installment while earning extra bucks.
Whoever wins this election, I hope they can make living better for all Singaporeans and us aliens. But whoever wins, stop staring at us in the MRT if we fell asleep cause we were tired and did not notice you who needed seats and stamped us as "must be foreigners". I bet you all do the same too, even pretended to sleep.
Even though you see us as aliens but if you take a closer look, you'll know we're human too.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Now as a foreigner, I know what I think doesn't matter. Who am I anyway. I'm even included in those things they complained about. Too many foreigners. Donno which one they're talking about, but since they generalize I assumed I'm included in what they meant.
But really, do YOU think living here as a middle income foreigner is easy on us? I'm no PR and trust me, I got lesser privileges than what you think. Some of Sporeans complain abt the hiking properties' prices. Well, I complain of my little salary increase and how fast everything else hikes. Housing rentals, PUB, etc. We got no subsidies no medisave, nothing, we just pay lower tax, but the rest we bear it ourselves. Childcare, no subsidies. I got to choose, $1500 childcare centres or hire a maid plus the $265 per month tax. The list is still long but you calculate people, I guess the amount of tax you pay every year is more than what I got to live with every year. And guess what, I bet you and I got the same salary, or maybe yours is more. I see so many of yous carrying KS, Coach, LV, while I got to think to save up in case my housing rent goes up. Maybe you think it's hard for you to save, but what I save is just nice for rainy days. Even so I'm still grateful which might not exist in your dictionary.
We fill in for those positions you don't like. Read: engineers, architects. Those that makes average bucks and takes years to get slightly rich. Maybe your govt takes advantage that they can pay us lower. But mostly because less and lesser of you are interested in our field.
During the rally, I really feel sad that some parties talk about this foreigners issue. You talk about us like we're aliens who invaded your country. I know you blame the government of importing so many of us in. But please don't speak of us in such manners. Without us no one will live in your HDB and help you pay your installment while earning extra bucks.
Whoever wins this election, I hope they can make living better for all Singaporeans and us aliens. But whoever wins, stop staring at us in the MRT if we fell asleep cause we were tired and did not notice you who needed seats and stamped us as "must be foreigners". I bet you all do the same too, even pretended to sleep.
Even though you see us as aliens but if you take a closer look, you'll know we're human too.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
InsyaAllah
Ketika kita mengucapkan InsyaAllah berarti kita sudah menyerahkan semua urusan kepada Allah. Segala faktor tak terduga, segala hasil akhir, segala keputusan. Dan jika di ujung jalan itu benar2 Allah yg menentukan diluar dugaan kita maka kita harus terus lillahi ta'ala. Karena sesungguhnya segala yg ada di langit dan bumi sampai bagian2 dan sifat2 terkecil adalah milik Allah semata.
Buat kita para muslim panduan ini sudah sangat jelas dan sangat mudah. Sebenernya tinggal dijalani saja. Tapi bagi kita para manusia yg pny ego dan rasa kepemilikan yg tinggi konsep ini sulit dijalankan.
Saya salut pada orang2 Jepang yg baru2 ini dilanda bencana luar biasa. Memakan korban nyaris 10000 jiwa dan kerugian harta benda yg tdk sedikit. Namun ketika para survivor diwawancara, mereka tampak tegar. Tidak sedikitpun mereka melolong2, meratapi nasib. Mereka masih bersikap tertib teratur dan patuh. Mereka tidak percaya Allah, namun sikap mereka amat lillahi ta'ala.
Ketika Nabi berkata tuntutlah ilmu hingga negeri Cina, saya rasa maksudnya adalah dalam hal ilmu ambillah dari mana saja. Bukan berarti dgn menjadi muslim kita sudah menjadi manusia terbaik. Justru semakin banyak yg harus kita pelajari untuk menjadi semakin baik.
Trip saya ke Jepang pun terancam gagal. Awalnya saya sempat panik dan kecewa. Namun setelah satu persatu saya selesaikan dgn seksama insyaAllah saya ikhlas jika saya tidak jadi berangkat. Karena sesungguhnya dari awalpun saya sudah berkata insyaAllah. Saya sudah menyerahkan semua pada Allah.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Buat kita para muslim panduan ini sudah sangat jelas dan sangat mudah. Sebenernya tinggal dijalani saja. Tapi bagi kita para manusia yg pny ego dan rasa kepemilikan yg tinggi konsep ini sulit dijalankan.
Saya salut pada orang2 Jepang yg baru2 ini dilanda bencana luar biasa. Memakan korban nyaris 10000 jiwa dan kerugian harta benda yg tdk sedikit. Namun ketika para survivor diwawancara, mereka tampak tegar. Tidak sedikitpun mereka melolong2, meratapi nasib. Mereka masih bersikap tertib teratur dan patuh. Mereka tidak percaya Allah, namun sikap mereka amat lillahi ta'ala.
Ketika Nabi berkata tuntutlah ilmu hingga negeri Cina, saya rasa maksudnya adalah dalam hal ilmu ambillah dari mana saja. Bukan berarti dgn menjadi muslim kita sudah menjadi manusia terbaik. Justru semakin banyak yg harus kita pelajari untuk menjadi semakin baik.
Trip saya ke Jepang pun terancam gagal. Awalnya saya sempat panik dan kecewa. Namun setelah satu persatu saya selesaikan dgn seksama insyaAllah saya ikhlas jika saya tidak jadi berangkat. Karena sesungguhnya dari awalpun saya sudah berkata insyaAllah. Saya sudah menyerahkan semua pada Allah.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Sweetest Thing
You never know what you've got until it's gone is truly applicable for me. My husband is posted in Batam for 1 month and I feel very lonely suddenly. The first few days I was so happy running around here and there. But after a few days it's just boring without him.
On these days I've always thought of some of our happy moments. Some things that he just did without thinking.
It was during the world cup event 2010. I am a football fan, since I was 12 years old. I've never missed a single world cup final until.. 2010. Last year I was so tired I slept late but did remind him to wake me up to watch the final.
When I woke up it was morning time 6 am. I browsed online, the results were out. He was still sleeping.
I woke him and told him sadly that we missed the match. But he joyfully said, "No we did not. I watched half time last night. It was awesome". I froze. "You looked tired so I didn't wake u up". I can still forgive him for waking up late not seeing the match. But I couldn't forgive him for not waking me up that night! I was furious. i've never missed a single match! Then he said, "You could always watch the re-run". I looked at him and said, "It's world cup for God's sake. I need to wait 4 more years for another live final!"
You can say I'm being unreasonable so be it. It's enough reason for me. He kept on apologizing but I stood firm. I was really really really mad. I felt like I was being cheated (to the point of exaggeration).
It happened on a normal regular working day. Normally I would always bother him at work. But not this day. When he called I even hung up. Lunch time was the worst, evryone in office were talking about the final and I was just left out. Hate the feeling!
And thus half day had passed.
While I was working on something a guy walked in.
"you got flowers"
(open jaw)
"Are you Wijiarni?"
"yes"
"these flowers are for you"
(open jaw + wrinkles on my face)
"I think you got the wrong person"
"It says it's for u leh, please sign here"
(open jaw + wrinkles + eyes popping out)
"sorry but I can't think of anyone who would do this so I still think you got the wrong name"
"but it says here it's for u, and you got a card as well"
(well, the name was definitely mine)
The card reads:
Sorry for not waking you up to watch last night final match. I promise I would wake u up for 2014 WC final. Bram.
Really, it was just the sweetest thing.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
On these days I've always thought of some of our happy moments. Some things that he just did without thinking.
It was during the world cup event 2010. I am a football fan, since I was 12 years old. I've never missed a single world cup final until.. 2010. Last year I was so tired I slept late but did remind him to wake me up to watch the final.
When I woke up it was morning time 6 am. I browsed online, the results were out. He was still sleeping.
I woke him and told him sadly that we missed the match. But he joyfully said, "No we did not. I watched half time last night. It was awesome". I froze. "You looked tired so I didn't wake u up". I can still forgive him for waking up late not seeing the match. But I couldn't forgive him for not waking me up that night! I was furious. i've never missed a single match! Then he said, "You could always watch the re-run". I looked at him and said, "It's world cup for God's sake. I need to wait 4 more years for another live final!"
You can say I'm being unreasonable so be it. It's enough reason for me. He kept on apologizing but I stood firm. I was really really really mad. I felt like I was being cheated (to the point of exaggeration).
It happened on a normal regular working day. Normally I would always bother him at work. But not this day. When he called I even hung up. Lunch time was the worst, evryone in office were talking about the final and I was just left out. Hate the feeling!
And thus half day had passed.
While I was working on something a guy walked in.
"you got flowers"
(open jaw)
"Are you Wijiarni?"
"yes"
"these flowers are for you"
(open jaw + wrinkles on my face)
"I think you got the wrong person"
"It says it's for u leh, please sign here"
(open jaw + wrinkles + eyes popping out)
"sorry but I can't think of anyone who would do this so I still think you got the wrong name"
"but it says here it's for u, and you got a card as well"
(well, the name was definitely mine)
The card reads:
Sorry for not waking you up to watch last night final match. I promise I would wake u up for 2014 WC final. Bram.
Really, it was just the sweetest thing.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Being Independent
I think lots of women will envy me so much. I am married and I still get to decide my own life. I am still in control of my life. Because my husband give me literally the freedom to decide things. He would not fuss over the smallest things. I get to control the finances, my spending, household spending, even the smallest details like cutting my hair, going out suddenly to meet up with friends. How I want to dress up, how I raise my daughter, etc. He basically give me so much freedom. The big things.. well.. sometimes so many small things become big. This is why I am trying my best not to deny this blessing of mine.
Even so, I as a woman is still a woman. I need guidance, I need instruction at times. There are times that I couldn't think straight and couldn't make my own decision due to some confusing facts. At these times... my husband still leave it all to me. Maybe he overestimated me. He thought I was independent enough, cold headed enough to handle everything by myself, strong enough to handle anything that comes before me.
Sometimes I envy those women who live under their husband's armpit. The husband will decide everything, the husband will take care of everything. You only need to obey and live, and do as they say. Not much thinking and responsibility don't you think? Even though sometimes you feel suppressed, but you don't need to make decisions. I've lived in that kind of family for years. I don't know how I turn out this way. Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that. To listen and obey without much position to spare in a household, where the husband will control and take care of everything. But I can tell that my father has a hard time doing it all the time as well. Maybe my mother relied on him so much to the point that she has forgotten how to make her own decisions and somehow become a burden at times.
Husband-Wife roles nowadays have adapted to the new situation. Where both parties work. Therefore the house is not only the wife's burden but the husband's as well. IT is a bit difficult to insert this to the Indonesian mindset where husband has got to share his role in a household itself. Wives are simply provider and husbands are simply managers. That's what creates strong women in this society.
But no matter how strong we are, we have limitations, we have needs. Sometimes this society ignores this fact by pressing all those obligations to us without simply see us as a human being. Then again all those old time housewives will say they could do it last time, why couldn't we? I'm intrigued to say, you guys are aliens! hahahah. It is partially true. It's just that we all got to admit, as time goes by, all those things that they thought they could live without, we the present humans couldn't live without.
I don't mind being independent, but I want those times where I could just hang my hopes and decisions to someone without having to think what to do. Sometimes, I just want to be.. dependent :)
Even so, I as a woman is still a woman. I need guidance, I need instruction at times. There are times that I couldn't think straight and couldn't make my own decision due to some confusing facts. At these times... my husband still leave it all to me. Maybe he overestimated me. He thought I was independent enough, cold headed enough to handle everything by myself, strong enough to handle anything that comes before me.
Sometimes I envy those women who live under their husband's armpit. The husband will decide everything, the husband will take care of everything. You only need to obey and live, and do as they say. Not much thinking and responsibility don't you think? Even though sometimes you feel suppressed, but you don't need to make decisions. I've lived in that kind of family for years. I don't know how I turn out this way. Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that. To listen and obey without much position to spare in a household, where the husband will control and take care of everything. But I can tell that my father has a hard time doing it all the time as well. Maybe my mother relied on him so much to the point that she has forgotten how to make her own decisions and somehow become a burden at times.
Husband-Wife roles nowadays have adapted to the new situation. Where both parties work. Therefore the house is not only the wife's burden but the husband's as well. IT is a bit difficult to insert this to the Indonesian mindset where husband has got to share his role in a household itself. Wives are simply provider and husbands are simply managers. That's what creates strong women in this society.
But no matter how strong we are, we have limitations, we have needs. Sometimes this society ignores this fact by pressing all those obligations to us without simply see us as a human being. Then again all those old time housewives will say they could do it last time, why couldn't we? I'm intrigued to say, you guys are aliens! hahahah. It is partially true. It's just that we all got to admit, as time goes by, all those things that they thought they could live without, we the present humans couldn't live without.
I don't mind being independent, but I want those times where I could just hang my hopes and decisions to someone without having to think what to do. Sometimes, I just want to be.. dependent :)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Renungan on 2nd March 2011
I envy people who are naturally perfect. As in they are so perfect you couldn't come to hate them. If you do, you'll just be the bad guy. I too at times try hard to be perfect. But in the end I just get frustrated and blaming myself for failing.
I guess so some people are born and have a gift to be perfect. There are some people who wants to be recognized as perfect and superwoman. They thrived to be the perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect employee. Wew, what a tiring life it will be.. I can imagine how exhausted you must be trying so hard to be perfect.
But lately I've come to realize that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.
Lately one of my married friend told me that he sometimes still wants other women too. I asked him why, he's got a perfect wife! Pretty, tall, decent, religious, cheerful, obedient, good family P-E-R-F-E-C-T. She's everything that I wish I had. He says it's not the wife, it's just him. He's used to having so many girls in the past it's hard to let go.
That really brought me thinking. I know it's just one person, but really, by being perfect, doesn't mean you'll lead a perfect life.
The imperfection is what makes you be loved. Really, loving a perfect person is not easy, you feel like you must keep up to their standard. You must be a good person, respectful, etc, etc. It's a good thing, but isn't it better to be a flawed person, living with another flawed person? So you know that each of you got something to work on and you feel it's okay to be yourself, since he is flawed anyway.
Perfection belongs to Allah. We can circle around it but will never hit the jackpot. Once you feel you are the better ones among others, then you will never even get close to perfect.
So today
I woke up next to my daughter without my husband by my side and thought, it's good to have this kind of moment once in a while, so I can treasure her more and pay more attention to her.
I walked out and took my stroll to the MRT station, and thought to myself, I'm happy we don't have a car. If not, I wouldn't appreciate this fresh air and the temperature difference every morning haha.
I got to my office and thought, thank God I'm not smart, so I feel like I've got lots to learn and will always thrive my best.
I called my parents and thought, Thank God it is not a perfect family, otherwise I wouldn't appreciate the bitterness in life.
I called my husband and thought, Thank God I married him, because we are both so imperfect in many ways and we will always have something to work on every year.
I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, I've got freckles, pimples, big pores, I'm short and I'm not skinny. Thank God I am what I am now for a very simple reason. This small me has gone a loooong way to be here and I'm not throwing it all away for a perfection.
I guess so some people are born and have a gift to be perfect. There are some people who wants to be recognized as perfect and superwoman. They thrived to be the perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect employee. Wew, what a tiring life it will be.. I can imagine how exhausted you must be trying so hard to be perfect.
But lately I've come to realize that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.
Lately one of my married friend told me that he sometimes still wants other women too. I asked him why, he's got a perfect wife! Pretty, tall, decent, religious, cheerful, obedient, good family P-E-R-F-E-C-T. She's everything that I wish I had. He says it's not the wife, it's just him. He's used to having so many girls in the past it's hard to let go.
That really brought me thinking. I know it's just one person, but really, by being perfect, doesn't mean you'll lead a perfect life.
The imperfection is what makes you be loved. Really, loving a perfect person is not easy, you feel like you must keep up to their standard. You must be a good person, respectful, etc, etc. It's a good thing, but isn't it better to be a flawed person, living with another flawed person? So you know that each of you got something to work on and you feel it's okay to be yourself, since he is flawed anyway.
Perfection belongs to Allah. We can circle around it but will never hit the jackpot. Once you feel you are the better ones among others, then you will never even get close to perfect.
So today
I woke up next to my daughter without my husband by my side and thought, it's good to have this kind of moment once in a while, so I can treasure her more and pay more attention to her.
I walked out and took my stroll to the MRT station, and thought to myself, I'm happy we don't have a car. If not, I wouldn't appreciate this fresh air and the temperature difference every morning haha.
I got to my office and thought, thank God I'm not smart, so I feel like I've got lots to learn and will always thrive my best.
I called my parents and thought, Thank God it is not a perfect family, otherwise I wouldn't appreciate the bitterness in life.
I called my husband and thought, Thank God I married him, because we are both so imperfect in many ways and we will always have something to work on every year.
I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, I've got freckles, pimples, big pores, I'm short and I'm not skinny. Thank God I am what I am now for a very simple reason. This small me has gone a loooong way to be here and I'm not throwing it all away for a perfection.
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