Akhir2 ini postinganku selalu seputar pasutri. So here we go again.. Aku adalah wanita yg cukup independen, jujur, straightforward, berani, dan senang bertualang. Hanya saja mungkin sejak menikah dan punya anak I'm somehow tied up.
I can't shake the feeling that some of my freedom have been robbed away from me. Some would say that is the price you gotta pay when you settle down. I can't come back late so often, I can't meet up with friends at sudden times etc. I can't say what I want as free as I used to be.
I know I've always said I don't care what people say, but it does get into my nerves. You know, all the things those people who thought they know what's best for you opinions aka parents, in laws, etc.
Islam does touch up on household as well. Relationship between husband and wife etc. Wife as it says should not cross husband's law. Lower our voice when we talk to them, ask permission for anything, not making any decision without husband's consent etc.
True enough, because honestly as a woman, I like to feel wanted, needed, caressed, defended, and given orders to at times. Being tough and independent all the time can be tiring, so please rob my independence occasionally.
But I think my husband doesn't get this. Knowing that I am so thickheaded and strong willed. He lets me make my own decisions and let me do as I please. Which I do appreciate at times. But I do want my privileged of being someone's property at times. I get sick of playing the owner evrytime.
How do you say these kind of things? O dear husband, please be mean to me and order me around this time??? Worse off, when I can't make decisions and he still throws it back to me to decide. I'm left hanging.
He can just say yes or no convincingly then I'll obey. I don't like it when he says yes reluctantly and conditionally. Or when he says no but very unsure of things. It doesn't seem he's in control of his life then how can I give him mine? Does this kind of thing you'll learn thru life?
I on the other hand if it's up to myself can make my own decisions. But so I guess it's the same with everyone.
So now I don't say anything becos I don't know what to say. Then maybe crap and hell with all those "ideal wife" they're talking about. I won't get anywhere acting like them *sigh*.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Being A Wife
Being a wife is hard, being a good wife takes more effort, being a "perfect" flawless wife is utterly impossible. Being a wife (not even a mom) for almost two years and I've had my own insecurities.
I am a wife, but I am still me, that's the thing. I can't throw away the 26year old me within just 2 years. I still need to be myself. I have my own considerations, I have my own opinions, I have my own desires, needs, etc. Sometimes if I compare myself to other wives out there I really feel insecure. What does it take to be a good wife? Bear children ASAP? Stay home wait for your husbands and kids? Cook for them? What? It's been bothering me for quite some time.
Islam does have guidelines on how to be a good wife. Honestly, when I read through I just feel like I would just throw the whole side of me. Some I can still manage and bear to try, but some I feel I would just be faking it. Besides.. Allah created us differently, so why must we behave and think the same way? Not to mention all those pressures from the old time successful wives (read: moms, aunts, etc).
As a wife, I still talked casually with my husband, I rarely cook, even preparing breakfast and meals my maid take care of. If my mother in law knows I think she'd freak out and scared her son would divorce me someday. Hahahaha. Not saying I never worry for such things.. Worrying that I'm not good of a wife to him and he might seek another companion. I do worry occasionally. Not that I don't want to cook. It's just that I don't want to be someone trying so hard to be a super person I'd ruin everything.
It's easier to love a simple honest human being rather than a super person. These super person comes with ego. I've got nothing to brag... I got my pay, but I put it all for savings. Really, I'm on the same level with my husband no more no less. I think a good wife is measured by your own husband. Other people got no right to judge. I understand they want the best for us, but I think I can just leave it at "advice" not "orders". We who go through it knows best.
Just my two cents, if a guy cheated, don't blame the wife. So many guys in this world have good wives but they still cheat anyway. If you think they've gone bad, do tell them hubbies, instead of running around the globe for new wives. If your wife says no to having a kid or adding a family members, please appreciate their thoughts, because after all.. they will be the one bearing your kid for 9months and nursing them until they grow up and don't say things that it is in our nature to bear kids. Being a good husband is I think as important as being a good wife. They always talk about how to be a good wive period, then what should husband do to be considered good? Give money every month? Play with your kid? It's not enough! It's not even as tough as staying home guys...
In the end.... I want to be a good wife with my own personal touch. I think Allah created us differently for reasons, and even thought we have guideline but Allah never told us that being different is bad. As they say, a good wife for a good husband. That is, if you are lucky and you fill your life with ikhlas.....
I am a wife, but I am still me, that's the thing. I can't throw away the 26year old me within just 2 years. I still need to be myself. I have my own considerations, I have my own opinions, I have my own desires, needs, etc. Sometimes if I compare myself to other wives out there I really feel insecure. What does it take to be a good wife? Bear children ASAP? Stay home wait for your husbands and kids? Cook for them? What? It's been bothering me for quite some time.
Islam does have guidelines on how to be a good wife. Honestly, when I read through I just feel like I would just throw the whole side of me. Some I can still manage and bear to try, but some I feel I would just be faking it. Besides.. Allah created us differently, so why must we behave and think the same way? Not to mention all those pressures from the old time successful wives (read: moms, aunts, etc).
As a wife, I still talked casually with my husband, I rarely cook, even preparing breakfast and meals my maid take care of. If my mother in law knows I think she'd freak out and scared her son would divorce me someday. Hahahaha. Not saying I never worry for such things.. Worrying that I'm not good of a wife to him and he might seek another companion. I do worry occasionally. Not that I don't want to cook. It's just that I don't want to be someone trying so hard to be a super person I'd ruin everything.
It's easier to love a simple honest human being rather than a super person. These super person comes with ego. I've got nothing to brag... I got my pay, but I put it all for savings. Really, I'm on the same level with my husband no more no less. I think a good wife is measured by your own husband. Other people got no right to judge. I understand they want the best for us, but I think I can just leave it at "advice" not "orders". We who go through it knows best.
Just my two cents, if a guy cheated, don't blame the wife. So many guys in this world have good wives but they still cheat anyway. If you think they've gone bad, do tell them hubbies, instead of running around the globe for new wives. If your wife says no to having a kid or adding a family members, please appreciate their thoughts, because after all.. they will be the one bearing your kid for 9months and nursing them until they grow up and don't say things that it is in our nature to bear kids. Being a good husband is I think as important as being a good wife. They always talk about how to be a good wive period, then what should husband do to be considered good? Give money every month? Play with your kid? It's not enough! It's not even as tough as staying home guys...
In the end.... I want to be a good wife with my own personal touch. I think Allah created us differently for reasons, and even thought we have guideline but Allah never told us that being different is bad. As they say, a good wife for a good husband. That is, if you are lucky and you fill your life with ikhlas.....
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