Being Independent

I think lots of women will envy me so much. I am married and I still get to decide my own life. I am still in control of my life. Because my husband give me literally the freedom to decide things. He would not fuss over the smallest things. I get to control the finances, my spending, household spending, even the smallest details like cutting my hair, going out suddenly to meet up with friends. How I want to dress up, how I raise my daughter, etc. He basically give me so much freedom. The big things.. well.. sometimes so many small things become big. This is why I am trying my best not to deny this blessing of mine.

Even so, I as a woman is still a woman. I need guidance, I need instruction at times. There are times that I couldn't think straight and couldn't make my own decision due to some confusing facts. At these times... my husband still leave it all to me. Maybe he overestimated me. He thought I was independent enough, cold headed enough to handle everything by myself, strong enough to handle anything that comes before me.

Sometimes I envy those women who live under their husband's armpit. The husband will decide everything, the husband will take care of everything. You only need to obey and live, and do as they say. Not much thinking and responsibility don't you think? Even though sometimes you feel suppressed, but you don't need to make decisions. I've lived in that kind of family for years. I don't know how I turn out this way. Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that. To listen and obey without much position to spare in a household, where the husband will control and take care of everything. But I can tell that my father has a hard time doing it all the time as well. Maybe my mother relied on him so much to the point that she has forgotten how to make her own decisions and somehow become a burden at times.

Husband-Wife roles nowadays have adapted to the new situation. Where both parties work. Therefore the house is not only the wife's burden but the husband's as well. IT is a bit difficult to insert this to the Indonesian mindset where husband has got to share his role in a household itself. Wives are simply provider and husbands are simply managers. That's what creates strong women in this society.

But no matter how strong we are, we have limitations, we have needs. Sometimes this society ignores this fact by pressing all those obligations to us without simply see us as a human being. Then again all those old time housewives will say they could do it last time, why couldn't we? I'm intrigued to say, you guys are aliens! hahahah. It is partially true. It's just that we all got to admit, as time goes by, all those things that they thought they could live without, we the present humans couldn't live without.


I don't mind being independent, but I want those times where I could just hang my hopes and decisions to someone without having to think what to do. Sometimes, I just want to be.. dependent :)