Being A Mother, A Wife, and A Woman

These past weeks since the baby comes out I think the baby blues have hit me and I've been thinking of unnecessary things, tiring over things, and despair over nothing.

Until I watched Sex and The City 2. Well it was a re-run. Back then I watched it as a continuum of my favorite show, just now I watched it like watching my life.
Carrie with her mid-wife crisis with Big, and Charlotte with her 2 girls, with one being in a terrible two phase.

My mid-wife crisis is that I find marriage life after two kids is boring and different. My husband seems to help less with this second one and left me running around here and there. While one of my friend who just birth her first child, the husband seemed very caring, helpful, they even stayed up late together! Me and husband fought over who needs to change diaper yada yada. I felt that he seems like happy with his own time alone, doing whatever it was, watching TV, playing computer. If I don't ask him to help he'd never help. I fought over my conscience that I ought to just let him alone, that it was my obligation as a good wife to take care of the kids and home, that he was tired from work etc.
I don't want to burden him with things that he doesn't want to do, and sometimes I wished he was someone else, someone more caring.

My revelation after this movie is... MEN ARE LIKE THAT! They like to stay home, laze around, watch TV, etc. WOMEN ARE LIKE ME! We question small things, we worry that we're doing something wrong, we worry that we disappoint the men. I find that I'm normal. So then I find that, I only need to ask if I want help. Despite his reluctant reaction he would still do it, and when they do it it's because they love us. Like what my husband said each and every time I complained that he frowned when I asked him to do things, "Well, I complained, but I got it done." I always thought it was such lame and unacceptable excuse. But I think he just couldn't rephrase it into something I want to hear.
So I guess from now on, whenever I feel like I need a helping hand, unless he looked pretty worn out it wouldn't hurt to ask.

My mid-mom crisis is that I just lost my temper every now and then. I feel like failing everytime. I fail to control my anger, I fail to control my kids, and God forbids I am dying for a me time. I sometimes wish I could be a loving dedicated mother. You know, the type who thinks "my kids are everything? Never despair for a me time, never wishes they would leave me alone for a while, unhappy when they are away at times, never yell at them, accept all their mistakes and not being mad at them, ready to make all necessary sacrifices for them. All of the above, are my list of ideal mom things I have failed to do in my point of view. After I watched Sex and The City, I found that it is normal. I am an adult human being, I need to sometimes be in an adult environment where I can discuss and talk over normal things which does not always concern kids. I need to have some meaningful conversation, laugh over trivial matters, watch movies which is NOT WALL E!!!

Over my role as a wife and a mother I need to be a woman. As much as I love my daughters and husband, I too love myself. And myself says I need a time off at times, I need help and I need breaks. As much as I want to be able to be a supermom, I want to be a normal woman even more. So I guess it's safe to say, before I was a mother and a wife, I had and always will be a woman next door.