We humans are very vulnerable, yet we don't want to admit that. We are scared of getting old, getting sick, where we might need help. We always want to be strong, healthy, compare ourselves to others, therefore we reject all signs of weaknesses. Then we reject help, because help=weakness. Maybe this is not just for the old, but for everyone in our society which shuns weaknesses.
I don't mind receiving help when I ask for it. But not when I don't ask for it. This is human I guess. Human ego. We are always ok, when in fact we are not. We put up front to satisfy others expectation of us. Often times I just want to scream on top of my lungs, I AM NOT OK BUT IT IS NONE OF YOUR F*CKING BUSINESS. Let me sort it out myself.
I want to be mean and say what I want but it would hurt people. How I always think about others and not myself. I better get points for this oh God cos this sure ain't easy. And I know humans are selfish, I don't know why I can't be one. I put up with people, I entertain them but I guess I haven't given myself a chance to allow myself just to be me. Just to be annoyed, I mean I know they meant well but I don't care. I don't even give myself this privilege, to feel my emotions without having to justify them.
I don't even give myself a chance to be weak and sick. I don't allow myself to say I'm not ok so shut the f*ck up. I know I wouldn't say that, so I always find ways to say it nicely.
I am still in the process of not giving a f*ck of what people say. SO I can deal with my weaknesses MY way.
