Daily Talks

Asha Goes to Pre-school aka Playgroup.

2012-02-06T15:03:00.000+08:00

Asha is 2 years old now. I was planning to put her to school when she's 2.5 years old. No particular reason really.. I just want her to make friends, learn new things, other than the TV can teach. I am not particular about the school also. My main concerns so far are only distance, and monthly fee. It's gotta be nearby, within walking distance or by bus, and not so expensive.

Now we are a bit in a lot of uncertainties. My maid may leave us in May. So we will have new adjustments to do.Then I started researching on schools nearby.

1. PCF kindergarten.
They have a few centres around my areas. But only 2 centre have the prenursery classes. Unfortunately when I asked they have different pricing for foreigners and locals, which so unfair (expected of PAP). Foreigners fee will be double of the locals fee. So all those are so not worth it.

2. Zulfa kindergarten.
It is an Islamic kindergarten. I went on Saturday morning to register Asha. But maybe not my luck, it was closed for Maulid Rasul. I think maybe Allah had arranged it so because I wasn't sure about sending her there. It was far and hot!! 1km of walk just for a 3hrs class and there is no direct bus. They have transport bus but Asha is still too small to go alone on it. If later I change maid then I am not sure whether the new maid can manage her chores while waiting for Asha 3 hours outside the class. To walk back and forth is a bit time consuming I find.
Zulfa playgroup class is 3 days a week, each session is 3 hours. Their fee is reasonable, $140 a month.

3. Star tots Playgroup
It is just next to my block. I didn't expect much of it at first because it looked a bit expensive from the banners. I opened their website and it was expensive. But, it turned out I looked at the wrong page XD. They have a lot of programmes, not just for playgroups. They have various courses and programmes, so I was lost on their website. I called them up and managed to get into the right page.
Their class is 5 days a week each session is 2 hours. It is slightly more expensive, $175 a month EVEN for foreigners (huh, take that, PAP). After hearing about the fee and read through the curriculum, insyaAllah I am no more in doubt. I think I have found a good school that suits my needs.

Later when she's in kindergarten I will send her to Zulfa. But for now I just want her to learn while having fun with lots of friends. In that case, I need to introduce her to Islam at home. So I signed her up for Star Tots Bismillah.
I didn't go searching high and low for the BEST school, cause I don't need the best, I only want that suits my needs. So it took me 1-2weeks to search. Alhamdulillah and InsyaAllah it is the best for Asha and me.

-wiji- :)

The Power of Dzikir, Qur'an and Prayer

2011-12-21T18:37:00.000+08:00

I think everyone must have some points or events that they really regret or wish to change. Those moments sometimes left a deep scar or pain or even hatred that is hard to mend. I do have it. I was brokenhearted, very. Even sometimes I still hate the person who broke my heart, hate the one he's with and hate everything that's got to do with him.

I prayed to God to mend my burns, but it never seemed to go away. It was always there and I didn't know how to make it go away. I was hoping time would help me mend it, but it seemed to keep coming back again. I could never forget.

Until one day I read a hadist that tells of a story of Rasulullah SAW and Fatimah his daughter. I forgot what it said exactly. In it was told that Fatimah was very tired of all her duties as a wife and ask Rasulullah SAW to give her some help for her duties. Rasulullah SAW told her he would think about it. Then when he came back to her he said, "You can read Subhanallah 33x, Hamdalah 33x, and Takbir 33x every time after prayers and if you still feel the burden you let me know". A few days later Fatimah came back and said, "Ya Rasulullah, I don't need a helper anymore, I feel all my tasks are easier to do and I feel happier doing them". That is what I remember. I couldn't exactly say word per word in a beautiful manner and please forgive me if I say it wrongly.

It is the key to open your heart to be ikhlas. Dzikr. Very simple words, won't take you more than 2 minutes. There was also some events that made read Qur'an more often, at least once a day 1-2pages at home. I have been doing it for almost 2 months now. I feel more at peace compared to last time.

After those 2months I searched within my self and I found my hatred distinguished itself. No more I find the burns, jealousy and pain towards him. I still avoid him I do, but at least I have my peace. His name doesn't bother me as much as last time. I think, I finally found my ikhlas in my world. Regarding him, me, and everything else.

They said to heal a broken heart you must find someone else to love. I found someone else to love and I still couldn't heal it. I didn't know that the someone is not "a person" but Allah. Humans can't replace each other, but Allah completes everything. Do your dzikr, read your Qur'an and surrender to Allah. InsyaAllah throughout your worst time, you can always find your peace.

My Kindle Review

2011-12-06T17:33:00.000+08:00

I've had this Kindle for a few months now. I love it sooooooooooo much.

Mine is the latest generation of Kindle with keyboard WIFI. This was the last Kindle with keyboard that they released. I bought the one with advertisements. It did not bother me at all! It only shows when I'm not reading, e.g. when I put my Kindle to sleep, when I browse thru the books menu. When I'm reading it totally shun away.

The harddisk space is only 4GB, but then again you can fit so many books inside it. The batteries can last up to 2months.
My friend bought the newest one, the Kindle without keyboard. It is lighter and smaller. I have tried it as well. Comparatively:
1. New Kindle is smaller and lighter.
2. New Kindle doesn't have the MP3 player, so it is purely for reading. While mine has an MP3 player.
3. New Kindle e-ink is more contrast so the ink looks darker compared to the old one.
4. I prefer my old Kindle buttons to advance the pages compared to the new Kindle. The old Kindle buttons page buttons are pressed inwards, the new ones are pressed downwards.
5. Appearance wise, the old Kindle somehow looks more classic and elegant. The new one is light but somehow looks fragile.
6. The new Kindle batteries can only last for 1month.

I think that's about it. So far I still like my Kindle best and wouldn't trade it for anything :D

Old Man Who Sells Tissues

2011-11-25T11:20:00.000+08:00

Here in Singapore, it's very common to find old, crippled, disabled people selling tissues. It has just become an everyday sight so I never really paid attention to it. Yes, they sell small packets of tissue, mostly 4 small packets for 2$. Which is more like a donation. And YeS, they have to be licensed to do that.
So yesterday I was sitting inside the bus and this old man with one trolley of tissues came into the bus. He is old, thin and weary. His trolley kept on going back and forth following the bus movement and he doesn't have the strength to hold it still.

I felt sad, it felt so wrong for a man so old to be working so hard. Why does he have to travel far just to sell tissues? Can't he just go downstairs his block to a coffeshop nearby and sell it there? At that moment I started counting my blessings, I felt ashamed of myself.

This old man sells tissue because he needs money, and he'll do anything just to survive. While I at times, sitting comfortably in front of my computer and I still complain. I am sure I earn more than him, and I still complain it's not enough. I am young and healthy and sometimes I've got no passion to work. I only need to sit in front of my computer, do my task and go home. No hard labor, nothing.

I understood why Sporeans are such complainers. They always to compare to better countries better people better times. They never look down and compare, they despised when they look down and they always demand better things. They are people who are crippled by their own comfort. At that moment I prayed,
Ya Allah, make me always your humble servant who's always thankful, never make me a person who always look up instead of looking down, stop me from complaining, if I were to rise higher always remind me where my feet are and help me to always strive to do my best in everything.

I'll feel ashamed if I account lesser than this old man. I'll feel ashamed if I had all the possibility in life and I do nothing but complain. No more will I complain of my tight budgeting, how much I need to save, how much I need to give up. I'll do my best to manage. No more will I complain of my boring work, and envy those with better work, better salary. Everything has its own blessings. This one is the one I choose for the moment.

Paket-Paket yang Kesasar

2011-10-19T14:01:00.000+08:00

Gw adalah orang yang seneng belanja online. Soalnya ga perlu cape muter-muter tinggal klak klik klak klik tiba2 udah sampe rumah aja itu barang. Tapi memang ada beberapa resiko berbelanja online, seperti: ukuran tidak pas, barang nyasar dll.

Nah sudah 2x terjadi drama "paket". Agak menyebalkan sih pas ngalamin, tapi lucu kalo udah berlalu.

Kasus ke 1
Drama "paket" pertama terjadi sekitar 1 thn lalu. Gw beli barang dari OLS. Berhubung tinggalnya di Singapur jd nitip ke temen yg mau ksini, otomatis dikirimnya ke rumah dia dong. OLS ini bisa dibilang langganan lah. Udah beberapa kali beli sama dia biasanya dikirim ke apartemen Ibu di Jakarta. Jadi bisa dibilang dia udah punya alamat dan kontak tetapnya. Gw blg sm si OLS ownernya yg sekali ini aja dikirim ke Bandung, ke alamat yg berbeda. Setelah transfer, dia kirim barangnya, katanya sampai dalam 3 hari kira-kira. Selang 3 hari tanya ke teman di Bandung katanya dia belum terima. Terus gw cek di website tracking nya tulisannya "3 times unsuccessful delivery attempt". Pas tanya ke teman dia bilang selalu ada orang di rumah dan ga ada tuh yang nganter barang. Berikutnya telpon ke kurir servisnya eh malah dimarahin sm mbak2nya, "Mbak, kita udah 3 kali nyoba nganter gagal terus ga ada orang di rumah, kalo gagal lagi kita kembalikan mbak ke pengirimnya". Lah wong ga ada yg dateng nganter barang, gimana bisa bilang ga ada orang di rumah?

Anyway, 2 hari berlalu kata teman gw tetep ga ada yg nganter paket, jadinya gw cek lagi ke websitenya. Disitu ditulis, "package delivered". Loh, nyasar ke mana itu paket? Kembali gw telepon si kurir servis, dan dia mengkonfirm kalo itu paket udh diterima sama orang yg bernama Mahdi. Ih itu orang tega banget sih, ngambil barang yg bukan haknya dia (pikiran gw waktu itu). Terus gw hubungi si OLS owner nya, komplen itu barang nyasar. Terus gw tanya alamat yg waktu itu dia kasih sama no telpon yg bisa dihubungi bener ga? Dia bilang dia kasih alamat yg gw kasih kok tapi ternyata nomer telpon yg dia kasih ke kurir servis adalah... nomer telepon nyokap :|.

Gw telepon nyokap, terus nyokap bilang, "Oiya, waktu itu ada yang nelepon nanya alamat kamu di Bandung, ibu kasih aja alamatnya ibu kos yg lama (sekarang kosan adek gw)". Setelah gw pikir-pikir lagi, nama Bapak Kos gw kan MAHDI hahahahaahaha. Setelah itu telepon ex kostan, kata ibu kos emang ada waktu itu paket dateng atas nama gw, trus dikasih ke adek gw. Nah si adek gw yg dodol kagak konfirm ke gw, disimpen aja itu paket. Pas gw tanya ke dia dia cm menjawab dengan lempeng, "Iya ada paket noh buat lo, gw bingung kenapa dikirim kesini". *sigh*.

Kesimpulan cerita pertama: Paket nyasar ke rumah ibu kos karena SALAH nomer telepon, dan orang yg nerima (adek gw) ga konfirmasi.

Kasus ke 2
Kasus yang kedua baru aja kejadian. Nah, kali ini adalah pembelian pertama dari si OLS. Setelah transfer gw sms orangnya konfirm pembayaran. Ga dibales. 3 hari kemudian gw tanya lagi, ga dibales.. Wiken gw kan sakit, jd hari Senen gw tanya lagi via FB dan dia bilang udah dikirim tgl seminggu sebelumnya dengan nomer resi XXXXXXXXXXXX. Wat? Seminggu masa ga nyampe2??? Bandung Jakarta gitu lowh. Gw tracking dong dari websitenya gagal, "invalid number". Kali ini gw agak grogi soalnya akhir-akhir ini lg marak penipuan OLS owner bilang udah dikirim tapi barang belum dikirim. Mana ini kali pertama gw purchase pula. Tapi gw sih insyaAllah yakin toko ini ga akan nipu. Jadi pasti terjadi miss di ujung penghantaran atau penerimaan.

Gw telepon si suami minta tolong teleponin ke kurir service buat ngecek status barang. Setelah dia ngecek, kata suami itu barang udah sampai dengan selamat di rumah diterima sm Nur (yang mana adalah Lek nya). Terus dia telepon rumah, katanya ada paket dateng tapi buat ipar gw. Suami gw dengan pede bilang ah paling salah naro, itu harusnya paket kamu. Gw konfirm ke ipar gw, dia bilang, "Bukan Ji, itu emang paket gw. Justru orang rumah ngira itu paket lo tapi namanya kan nama gw." Bingung dong gw...

Gw telepon lagi suami:
Gw: "Yah, itu bukan paket gw, kata Kiki itu beneran punya dia, jadi paket gw mana?
Suami: (ngotot) "Gw konfirm ke kurir service pake nomer yang kamu kasih itu udah sampe. Jadi harusnya itu paket kamu"
Gw: "Beda yah, dia itu kurirnya beda, jadi ga mungkin mixed up"
(suami terdiam)
Suami: "Eh, apa jangan-jangan paket kamu udah sampe dari minggu lalu dan kucemplungin ke koper ya"
(yang bener ajeeeeeee)
Gw: "AH!!! Cek gih! Jangan gw udah ribut ke seantero dunia tapi paketnya ternyata selama ini nongkrong di kamar lo!!"
(Beberapa menit kemudian)
Suami: "Hehe ibu, ternyata ada di koperku. Aku samar2 ingat suatu malam aku pulang cape banget ada paket buat kamu. Jd kucemplungin aja langsung ke koper buat dibawa ke Singapur"

Kesimpulan: Paket kedua ga nyasar, cuma gara2 orang yg APATIS jadinya itu paket seakan kesasar.

Cholesterol

2011-07-23T10:24:00.001+08:00

Last Saturday I did my medical check up. Of course hoping that everything turns out normal. I received my blood test yesterday and I didn't expect the results. My LDL cholesterol is already on the middle borderline high. Total cholesterol level is 222, while normal level is 200. High is when it's more than 239. Lucky I did my ecg, which turns out normal. Which means so far I got no problem with my heart yet but it will become a problem if I don't change my lifestyle. I suspect it's more of an hereditary thing. Some People with my type of lifestyle might be having normal cholesterol levels because genetically they are able to process it well.

It's quite of a shock for me which means I got to change all my eating habits, my snacks, everything I use, everything I eat.

All the web said it's not so hard. I only need to limit my type of carbo intake, e.g. Change rice to wheat oatmeal brown rice etc or eat very small amount of rice.

Drink low fat milk, or soy milk. Change my oil to olive oil or canola oil, change my margarines to the ones without trans fats. Change my santan to low fat milk. But I can still use all other ingredients.

But I barely can eat things like ready to cook nuggets, meatballs I gotta choose carefully, etc. Lots and lots and lots of fruits and veggies. And I guess no more unhealthy snack for me for at least a few months ahead. My most unhealthy snack can only be oven roasted peanuts :|.

Oh well, it seems my carefree youth day is over for me. A hint for me to do more exercise and lose weight.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Religious Tolerance

2011-06-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

I happen to spend my childhood in Aceh. Where the majorities are moslem, we practiced Islamic law tightly and where they call nonMoslem as infidels. It also happens that I have one very best friend at that time which is a Christian and he was a very good Christian indeed. When we were kids, his dream was to become a pastor. He said to serve his God. I always associated pastors with unmarried, and poor, which is not the case apparently. At that time, I asked him is that the only way you can serve your God, you know, becoming a pastor. By becoming an engineer or scientist, you can also still serve your God, can't you? At that time, he insisted on becoming a pastor.

It is not very common for a young Moslem girl to have a young Christian boy as her best friend at that time. Because in school we were all taught that Christians and Jews will forever be our enemies, and that they will use all tricks to make you fall. We were told of the horrible things they do to convert us to become them.

I maybe am one of the careless people in the world. If I see it's not dangerous I would just go through with it despite what everyone says. Then we became best friends, until we grow up. I dated one of his other best friend, and if there is anything I can't tell anyone, I tell him and vice versa. He holds my darkest secret, and I hold his. Some things he can boldly do which I could not. There are things I admire about him and which makes me so calm whenever I'm around him. No people, it's not love, it's compassion. Even after I moved to Jakarta, Bandung, Singapore, and he roams Jogjakarta, Manila and Jakarta we still kept in touch. Sometimes I wonder why I could never have such relationship with a fellow Muslim. We respect each other and kept religious issues at bay. I pray, and he sings. Rasulullah never taught us to hate nonbelievers, but to stood our ground firm whenever anyone disturb our beliefs.

Now I'm married and he's married. I'm quite close with the wife. Guess what, he didn't become a pastor in the end. He married one! hahahaha. Apparently in Christian, girls can also become some sort of a pastor, who dedicated their life to religion and work in the church. He took my advice and become a chemical engineer in the end, and work in an oil company. After we got married and he got busy then things started to change. But strangely I don't hate him for it... because I know.. he'll always be my friend.

And from him, I've learned the lesson of religious tolerance that everyone is fighting for. Through friendship.

Tantrum

2011-06-14T21:59:00.001+08:00

It's really frustrating to see my 1.5yr old throwing tantrums. Whenever she wants something but she couldn't say it. Whenever she wants something that I couldn't wouldn't give. She would scream, kick, cry for as long as she can.

But I too throw tantrums. I get angry whenever I couldn't have what i want. I put on silence mode as long as I can, I can stand not talking for days months even years. I can cry in my sleep cursing. I can hate for no reason at all. Those are adult's tantrums. Like boys will always be boys, us girls will always be girls.

Whenever she throws tantrum I would just leave her be. Within minutes, hours, she'll be fine. Whenever I throw tantrum, only time will heal. Can be days, months, years.

Us humans will never be satisfied. It's like satisfaction is on the brink of extinction. Just like kids who can't have everything they want. We adults can't have everything we want either. Just like them we get angry.. We cry and we hate even.

I hate some people who seems to have everything I want. They have my dream life, they married with the person that I loved, they seemed happy! Then I hate them for being so!

They do nothing wrong, it's just me being a child who got angry because they have it and I don't. If this was my daughter, she would sleep on it and she'll forget about it the next day. Girl, how I wish I was you.. Crying over something and got over it the next day.

I believe this is a process she needs to go thru. That she just can't have everything. Hopefully she can become a better person.
Now I feel that I am as childish as she is. It's true, being a parent makes u see yourself in a different way. I see myself in her, and promise that I will grow with her each day so we both be a better person in this life.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Singapore GE for a Foreigner

2011-05-08T04:05:00.001+08:00

The GE have just gone by, the casting votes was yesterday. Considered the hottest and biggest in decades I think. Because since the GE in 2006 alot of dramatic changes take place. I've lived here since then so I too felt it. Raise in GST, rapid rise in housing, rapid demands in housing, PUB keeps on increasing, inflation etc. So I guess this is the Singaporean time to demand a better life in the future for them.

Now as a foreigner, I know what I think doesn't matter. Who am I anyway. I'm even included in those things they complained about. Too many foreigners. Donno which one they're talking about, but since they generalize I assumed I'm included in what they meant.

But really, do YOU think living here as a middle income foreigner is easy on us? I'm no PR and trust me, I got lesser privileges than what you think. Some of Sporeans complain abt the hiking properties' prices. Well, I complain of my little salary increase and how fast everything else hikes. Housing rentals, PUB, etc. We got no subsidies no medisave, nothing, we just pay lower tax, but the rest we bear it ourselves. Childcare, no subsidies. I got to choose, $1500 childcare centres or hire a maid plus the $265 per month tax. The list is still long but you calculate people, I guess the amount of tax you pay every year is more than what I got to live with every year. And guess what, I bet you and I got the same salary, or maybe yours is more. I see so many of yous carrying KS, Coach, LV, while I got to think to save up in case my housing rent goes up. Maybe you think it's hard for you to save, but what I save is just nice for rainy days. Even so I'm still grateful which might not exist in your dictionary.

We fill in for those positions you don't like. Read: engineers, architects. Those that makes average bucks and takes years to get slightly rich. Maybe your govt takes advantage that they can pay us lower. But mostly because less and lesser of you are interested in our field.

During the rally, I really feel sad that some parties talk about this foreigners issue. You talk about us like we're aliens who invaded your country. I know you blame the government of importing so many of us in. But please don't speak of us in such manners. Without us no one will live in your HDB and help you pay your installment while earning extra bucks.

Whoever wins this election, I hope they can make living better for all Singaporeans and us aliens. But whoever wins, stop staring at us in the MRT if we fell asleep cause we were tired and did not notice you who needed seats and stamped us as "must be foreigners". I bet you all do the same too, even pretended to sleep.

Even though you see us as aliens but if you take a closer look, you'll know we're human too.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

InsyaAllah

2011-03-16T07:14:00.001+08:00

Ketika kita mengucapkan InsyaAllah berarti kita sudah menyerahkan semua urusan kepada Allah. Segala faktor tak terduga, segala hasil akhir, segala keputusan. Dan jika di ujung jalan itu benar2 Allah yg menentukan diluar dugaan kita maka kita harus terus lillahi ta'ala. Karena sesungguhnya segala yg ada di langit dan bumi sampai bagian2 dan sifat2 terkecil adalah milik Allah semata.

Buat kita para muslim panduan ini sudah sangat jelas dan sangat mudah. Sebenernya tinggal dijalani saja. Tapi bagi kita para manusia yg pny ego dan rasa kepemilikan yg tinggi konsep ini sulit dijalankan.

Saya salut pada orang2 Jepang yg baru2 ini dilanda bencana luar biasa. Memakan korban nyaris 10000 jiwa dan kerugian harta benda yg tdk sedikit. Namun ketika para survivor diwawancara, mereka tampak tegar. Tidak sedikitpun mereka melolong2, meratapi nasib. Mereka masih bersikap tertib teratur dan patuh. Mereka tidak percaya Allah, namun sikap mereka amat lillahi ta'ala.

Ketika Nabi berkata tuntutlah ilmu hingga negeri Cina, saya rasa maksudnya adalah dalam hal ilmu ambillah dari mana saja. Bukan berarti dgn menjadi muslim kita sudah menjadi manusia terbaik. Justru semakin banyak yg harus kita pelajari untuk menjadi semakin baik.

Trip saya ke Jepang pun terancam gagal. Awalnya saya sempat panik dan kecewa. Namun setelah satu persatu saya selesaikan dgn seksama insyaAllah saya ikhlas jika saya tidak jadi berangkat. Karena sesungguhnya dari awalpun saya sudah berkata insyaAllah. Saya sudah menyerahkan semua pada Allah.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Sweetest Thing

2011-03-10T23:07:00.001+08:00

You never know what you've got until it's gone is truly applicable for me. My husband is posted in Batam for 1 month and I feel very lonely suddenly. The first few days I was so happy running around here and there. But after a few days it's just boring without him.

On these days I've always thought of some of our happy moments. Some things that he just did without thinking.

It was during the world cup event 2010. I am a football fan, since I was 12 years old. I've never missed a single world cup final until.. 2010. Last year I was so tired I slept late but did remind him to wake me up to watch the final.

When I woke up it was morning time 6 am. I browsed online, the results were out. He was still sleeping.

I woke him and told him sadly that we missed the match. But he joyfully said, "No we did not. I watched half time last night. It was awesome". I froze. "You looked tired so I didn't wake u up". I can still forgive him for waking up late not seeing the match. But I couldn't forgive him for not waking me up that night! I was furious. i've never missed a single match! Then he said, "You could always watch the re-run". I looked at him and said, "It's world cup for God's sake. I need to wait 4 more years for another live final!"

You can say I'm being unreasonable so be it. It's enough reason for me. He kept on apologizing but I stood firm. I was really really really mad. I felt like I was being cheated (to the point of exaggeration).

It happened on a normal regular working day. Normally I would always bother him at work. But not this day. When he called I even hung up. Lunch time was the worst, evryone in office were talking about the final and I was just left out. Hate the feeling!

And thus half day had passed.

While I was working on something a guy walked in.
"you got flowers"
(open jaw)
"Are you Wijiarni?"
"yes"
"these flowers are for you"
(open jaw + wrinkles on my face)
"I think you got the wrong person"
"It says it's for u leh, please sign here"
(open jaw + wrinkles + eyes popping out)
"sorry but I can't think of anyone who would do this so I still think you got the wrong name"
"but it says here it's for u, and you got a card as well"
(well, the name was definitely mine)

The card reads:
Sorry for not waking you up to watch last night final match. I promise I would wake u up for 2014 WC final. Bram.

Really, it was just the sweetest thing.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Being Independent

2011-03-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

I think lots of women will envy me so much. I am married and I still get to decide my own life. I am still in control of my life. Because my husband give me literally the freedom to decide things. He would not fuss over the smallest things. I get to control the finances, my spending, household spending, even the smallest details like cutting my hair, going out suddenly to meet up with friends. How I want to dress up, how I raise my daughter, etc. He basically give me so much freedom. The big things.. well.. sometimes so many small things become big. This is why I am trying my best not to deny this blessing of mine.

Even so, I as a woman is still a woman. I need guidance, I need instruction at times. There are times that I couldn't think straight and couldn't make my own decision due to some confusing facts. At these times... my husband still leave it all to me. Maybe he overestimated me. He thought I was independent enough, cold headed enough to handle everything by myself, strong enough to handle anything that comes before me.

Sometimes I envy those women who live under their husband's armpit. The husband will decide everything, the husband will take care of everything. You only need to obey and live, and do as they say. Not much thinking and responsibility don't you think? Even though sometimes you feel suppressed, but you don't need to make decisions. I've lived in that kind of family for years. I don't know how I turn out this way. Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that. To listen and obey without much position to spare in a household, where the husband will control and take care of everything. But I can tell that my father has a hard time doing it all the time as well. Maybe my mother relied on him so much to the point that she has forgotten how to make her own decisions and somehow become a burden at times.

Husband-Wife roles nowadays have adapted to the new situation. Where both parties work. Therefore the house is not only the wife's burden but the husband's as well. IT is a bit difficult to insert this to the Indonesian mindset where husband has got to share his role in a household itself. Wives are simply provider and husbands are simply managers. That's what creates strong women in this society.

But no matter how strong we are, we have limitations, we have needs. Sometimes this society ignores this fact by pressing all those obligations to us without simply see us as a human being. Then again all those old time housewives will say they could do it last time, why couldn't we? I'm intrigued to say, you guys are aliens! hahahah. It is partially true. It's just that we all got to admit, as time goes by, all those things that they thought they could live without, we the present humans couldn't live without.

I don't mind being independent, but I want those times where I could just hang my hopes and decisions to someone without having to think what to do. Sometimes, I just want to be.. dependent :)

Renungan on 2nd March 2011

2011-03-02T13:21:00.000+08:00

I envy people who are naturally perfect. As in they are so perfect you couldn't come to hate them. If you do, you'll just be the bad guy. I too at times try hard to be perfect. But in the end I just get frustrated and blaming myself for failing.

I guess so some people are born and have a gift to be perfect. There are some people who wants to be recognized as perfect and superwoman. They thrived to be the perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect employee. Wew, what a tiring life it will be.. I can imagine how exhausted you must be trying so hard to be perfect.
But lately I've come to realize that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.

Lately one of my married friend told me that he sometimes still wants other women too. I asked him why, he's got a perfect wife! Pretty, tall, decent, religious, cheerful, obedient, good family P-E-R-F-E-C-T. She's everything that I wish I had. He says it's not the wife, it's just him. He's used to having so many girls in the past it's hard to let go.
That really brought me thinking. I know it's just one person, but really, by being perfect, doesn't mean you'll lead a perfect life.

The imperfection is what makes you be loved. Really, loving a perfect person is not easy, you feel like you must keep up to their standard. You must be a good person, respectful, etc, etc. It's a good thing, but isn't it better to be a flawed person, living with another flawed person? So you know that each of you got something to work on and you feel it's okay to be yourself, since he is flawed anyway.

Perfection belongs to Allah. We can circle around it but will never hit the jackpot. Once you feel you are the better ones among others, then you will never even get close to perfect.
So today
I woke up next to my daughter without my husband by my side and thought, it's good to have this kind of moment once in a while, so I can treasure her more and pay more attention to her.
I walked out and took my stroll to the MRT station, and thought to myself, I'm happy we don't have a car. If not, I wouldn't appreciate this fresh air and the temperature difference every morning haha.
I got to my office and thought, thank God I'm not smart, so I feel like I've got lots to learn and will always thrive my best.
I called my parents and thought, Thank God it is not a perfect family, otherwise I wouldn't appreciate the bitterness in life.
I called my husband and thought, Thank God I married him, because we are both so imperfect in many ways and we will always have something to work on every year.

I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, I've got freckles, pimples, big pores, I'm short and I'm not skinny. Thank God I am what I am now for a very simple reason. This small me has gone a loooong way to be here and I'm not throwing it all away for a perfection.

When It is Unsaid

2011-02-24T00:28:00.001+08:00

Akhir2 ini postinganku selalu seputar pasutri. So here we go again.. Aku adalah wanita yg cukup independen, jujur, straightforward, berani, dan senang bertualang. Hanya saja mungkin sejak menikah dan punya anak I'm somehow tied up.

I can't shake the feeling that some of my freedom have been robbed away from me. Some would say that is the price you gotta pay when you settle down. I can't come back late so often, I can't meet up with friends at sudden times etc. I can't say what I want as free as I used to be.

I know I've always said I don't care what people say, but it does get into my nerves. You know, all the things those people who thought they know what's best for you opinions aka parents, in laws, etc.

Islam does touch up on household as well. Relationship between husband and wife etc. Wife as it says should not cross husband's law. Lower our voice when we talk to them, ask permission for anything, not making any decision without husband's consent etc.

True enough, because honestly as a woman, I like to feel wanted, needed, caressed, defended, and given orders to at times. Being tough and independent all the time can be tiring, so please rob my independence occasionally.

But I think my husband doesn't get this. Knowing that I am so thickheaded and strong willed. He lets me make my own decisions and let me do as I please. Which I do appreciate at times. But I do want my privileged of being someone's property at times. I get sick of playing the owner evrytime.

How do you say these kind of things? O dear husband, please be mean to me and order me around this time??? Worse off, when I can't make decisions and he still throws it back to me to decide. I'm left hanging.

He can just say yes or no convincingly then I'll obey. I don't like it when he says yes reluctantly and conditionally. Or when he says no but very unsure of things. It doesn't seem he's in control of his life then how can I give him mine? Does this kind of thing you'll learn thru life?

I on the other hand if it's up to myself can make my own decisions. But so I guess it's the same with everyone.

So now I don't say anything becos I don't know what to say. Then maybe crap and hell with all those "ideal wife" they're talking about. I won't get anywhere acting like them *sigh*.

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Being A Wife

2011-02-18T13:55:00.000+08:00

Being a wife is hard, being a good wife takes more effort, being a "perfect" flawless wife is utterly impossible. Being a wife (not even a mom) for almost two years and I've had my own insecurities.

I am a wife, but I am still me, that's the thing. I can't throw away the 26year old me within just 2 years. I still need to be myself. I have my own considerations, I have my own opinions, I have my own desires, needs, etc. Sometimes if I compare myself to other wives out there I really feel insecure. What does it take to be a good wife? Bear children ASAP? Stay home wait for your husbands and kids? Cook for them? What? It's been bothering me for quite some time.

Islam does have guidelines on how to be a good wife. Honestly, when I read through I just feel like I would just throw the whole side of me. Some I can still manage and bear to try, but some I feel I would just be faking it. Besides.. Allah created us differently, so why must we behave and think the same way? Not to mention all those pressures from the old time successful wives (read: moms, aunts, etc).

As a wife, I still talked casually with my husband, I rarely cook, even preparing breakfast and meals my maid take care of. If my mother in law knows I think she'd freak out and scared her son would divorce me someday. Hahahaha. Not saying I never worry for such things.. Worrying that I'm not good of a wife to him and he might seek another companion. I do worry occasionally. Not that I don't want to cook. It's just that I don't want to be someone trying so hard to be a super person I'd ruin everything.

It's easier to love a simple honest human being rather than a super person. These super person comes with ego. I've got nothing to brag... I got my pay, but I put it all for savings. Really, I'm on the same level with my husband no more no less. I think a good wife is measured by your own husband. Other people got no right to judge. I understand they want the best for us, but I think I can just leave it at "advice" not "orders". We who go through it knows best.

Just my two cents, if a guy cheated, don't blame the wife. So many guys in this world have good wives but they still cheat anyway. If you think they've gone bad, do tell them hubbies, instead of running around the globe for new wives. If your wife says no to having a kid or adding a family members, please appreciate their thoughts, because after all.. they will be the one bearing your kid for 9months and nursing them until they grow up and don't say things that it is in our nature to bear kids. Being a good husband is I think as important as being a good wife. They always talk about how to be a good wive period, then what should husband do to be considered good? Give money every month? Play with your kid? It's not enough! It's not even as tough as staying home guys...

In the end.... I want to be a good wife with my own personal touch. I think Allah created us differently for reasons, and even thought we have guideline but Allah never told us that being different is bad. As they say, a good wife for a good husband. That is, if you are lucky and you fill your life with ikhlas.....

Garuda di Dadaku

2010-12-29T18:47:00.001+08:00

Tanggal 26 Desember lalu, AFF suzuki cup final leg 1 diadakan di Bukit Jalil. Bukan game yang menarik dipicu oleh beberapa faktor, suporter malaysia yg terus mengarahkan laser pointer ke para pemain Indonesia selama 1 babak yg mengakibatkan para pemain jd terganggu.

Permainan ditutup dgn kekalahan Indonesia 3-0. Kami semua para suporter amat sedih karena dibabak ke2 itu mereka main buruk sekali. Timnas kali ini blm pernah kalah sekalipun jd kita merasa yakin kali inipun kita akan menang. Kita mulai mencari2 alasan kenapa kita bisa kalah, antara lain laser ijo yg mengganggu, Politisasi oleh pihak2 tertentu, dll.

Sudah lama aku kecewa pd negeriku. Kami semua tepatnya sudah lama kecewa. Korupsi dmn2, presiden yg tidak pny wibawa, janji2 yg terbengkalai, keputusan2 tdk tepat, UU tdk tepat sasaran dll.
Entah kenapa kurasa Timnas ini sedikit banyak membantu menumbuhkan kembali semangat nasionalisme kami. Bukan kata2 presiden, bukan bencana alam, tapi sepak bola. Semua orang tiba2 serempak meneriakkan Garuda di dadaku. Kebetulan seragam timnas dihiasi lambang garuda di bajunya. Garuda, sebuah lambang yg di"paten"kan oleh Soekarno yg dibawahnya tertulis Bhinneka Tunggal Ika. Kami memang berbeda tapi kami satu Indonesia.

Sebuah stasiun televisi sblm final ini pernah menayangkan suatu sinopsis singkat knp sepak bola sering dijadikan ajang pembuktian harga diri ke masyarakat internasional. Dlm hal ini kedudukan Indonesia yg sering "kalah" oleh Malaysia. Tp aku rasa bukan itu bagi kami. Bukan pembuktian diri keluar yg lbh kita butuhkan. Namun pembuktian kpd kami sendiri bahwa kami bisa.

Kami bisa jd bangsa bermartabat, kami bisa menjalani hidup kami di bawah pimpinan2 yg tidak kompeten ini. Mereka memberi rakyat Indonesia sebuah harapan. Harapan untuk terus maju.

Garuda akan selalu ada di dadaku. Kemanapun aku pergi, seburuk apapun keadaan negeriku. Bagaimanapun aku berusaha utk melupakannya namun tdk dpt dipungkiri, sampai mati Garuda akan selalu ada di dadaku dan darahku akan selalu jd darah Indonesia.

-in a bus stop waiting for 178-

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Hari Ibu 2010

2010-12-23T23:14:00.001+08:00

Ini adalah hari ibu tahun kedua dimana ibuku msh sakit. Ketika ibu sakit, memang perlu kesabaran luar biasa menghadapinya.

Ibu mengidap skizofrenia. Kadang kondisinya naik, kadang turun. Gejala yg plg jelas kelihatan adalah pandangan mata kosong, suka melamun, murung, sering ngomong sendiri, dan jalan pikirannya sulit dimengerti. Seperti dia punya dunia sendiri dan asumsi sendiri yg buat kita tidak terbayangkan.

Mudah bagi kita mengucapkan I love you mom jika ibu memang selalu ada di tiap langkah kita, utk mensupport, membantu, ataupun hny sbg tmn mengobrol. Mudah bagi kalian semua merayakan hari ibu dengan berkata "i love u mom, thanks for being there for me"

Setelah aku jd ibu, aku tahu bgitu bnyk kasih sayang ibu yg terlupakan. Namun meski begitu, kadang aku merasa begitu sedikit yg bisa kuingat. Karena sebagian besar hidupku kuisi dgn perjuangan melawan penyakitnya. Sebagian besar hidupku aku isi tanpa sosok ibu.

Bagi kalian yg hidup normal, pny orang tua normal, bersyukurlah. Karena ada org2 spt aku yg hny bisa merasakannya sesekali saja, tidak setiap waktu. Namun msh tetap lbh baik drpd mereka yg sama sekali tdk pernah merasakannya.

Kadang aku berpikir, betapa beruntungnya aku. Allah memberiku kesempatan lebih utk berbakti dan menyayangi ibuku tanpa pamrih. Karena aku yakin, jika aku yg menderita penyakit ini, cintanya padaku takkan berkurang sedikitpun. Mengurus dan menyayangi orang tua apapun kondisinya adalah kewajiban kita sbg anak. Sebisa mungkin tahanlah segala keluhan di dlm hati.

Aku hanya memohon kekuatan dan kesabaran menjalani semuanya. Jika Allah memberi kesembuhan segala puji syukur ke hadiratNya. Jika tidak mungkin memang itu yg terbaik.

Selamat hari ibu semuanya..

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Motivation

2010-12-21T18:24:00.001+08:00

Sometimes what just happened to friends around you makes you feel like you also can achieve the same thing.

If they can win a quiz then hey you can too.
If they can be pretty and skinny, so can you.
If someone close to you dies you will too someday.
If someone can be happy, you can too.
If someone can be rich, well, that depends haha.

Choose your own motivator and keep on going forward. Cause God created a one way life without a U-turn.

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A note for oneself

2010-12-16T09:25:00.001+08:00

Within a few months, two young moms whom I barely even known passed away. Both died of illness. I barely know them but they are my friend's friend. Which means I could have met them accidentally, or I might have been acquainted but just forgot about it. They are just my age and it truly woke me up to the fact that we really don't live forever.

My basic daily prayers are a mess lately. If God calls for me tomorrow what will I say? What have I done for God lately? I barely donate, zakat, shaum, sunnah prayers, read Quran.
I sometimes take my prayer's duty too easy. How can God take me seriously if I took It easy? My aunt called me from the states and her son has just completed memorizing the juz amma. How ashamed I am to God that my iman does not grow as my age grow nearer to my death.

I really do need this wake up call. May Allah always guide me wherever I go. I promise myself to be a better muslim in the future. Starting now. Singapore time: 9.26am.

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Kos dan Kucing Pt 1

2010-11-23T10:05:00.001+08:00

Kemaren dapet berita duka. Dola meninggal. Dola yang paling disayang sama orang2 sekosan. Dola yg cantik dan montok.
Kalo udah bgini jadi flashback to the good old days.

Di KBBT 12 dulu awalnya cm ada 3 kucing, Tiki, Dolly sm saya lupa satu lg, panggil saja si uno. Uno ini kucing yg gagah pasti mudanya, tuanya aja kliatan. Uno keturunan Angora tp gak murni jd agak buduk jg. Uno mati di thn 2001 krn usia tua dan kita kubur di bawah pohon mangga belakang kosan.

Tiki klo gak salah anknya si uno. Waktu kecil lucuuuu bgt. Yg gak lucu cuman dia kdg suka ke kamar dan numpang buang air disitu. Ini adalah kucing kesayangan si ibu. Dulu bener2 ga boleh keluar rumah takut ilang. Klo mlm2 sampe kluar rmh kita anak2 kos bisa didiemin seharian.

Dolly adalah kucing binal nan subur klo kita blg. Tiap musim kawin pulang pasti hamil. Tp kynya rahimnya bermasalah ato gmn, bayi2nya sering prematur dan mati pas lahir. Klo selamatpun kadang suka dimakan sm dia! Rahasia alam ya, mungkin dia tau anaknya gak akan survive.

Namun bgitu ada 3 anknya yg selamat dan dirawat sampe besar. Tepatnya ibu kos yg berjuang merawat mereka.

Batch pertama si zoro sm si cicil. Kynya ini hasil perkawinan dgn si garong yg suka nongkrong d rmh deh. Soalnya dolly warnanya item sedangkan cicil lorek2 kuning kampung. Mereka berdua jg kecilnya lucu bgt.. Si cicil dipanggil cicil soalnya dulunya keciiil bgt. Padahal gedenya berbadan bongsor dan gagah. Zoro matanya item sebelah XD. Spt kucing2 sebelumnya merekapun melewati fase hobi nebeng buang air dimana2 sampe akhirnya toilet trained (alias boker di kmr mandi).

Pas Tiki mulai akil balik, dia mulai suka brisik pas musim kawin dan selalu gagal mencoba menggagahi Dolly soalnya si Dolly judes bgt, herannya laku aja tuh. Hingga pada suatu hari yg kita gak tau kpn, tampaknya Tiki berhasiiill!! Bbrp lama kemudian Dola lahir dan diapun jd idola baru di KBBT12.

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Location:Bandung

Pompeii Exhibition Part 1

2010-11-16T09:23:00.001+08:00

Yesterday we went to the national museum. They have special exhibition about Pompeii. Maybe out of the Merapi euphoria we became more interested to come.

Vesuvius is a strato volcano which you can see from its cone shape like krakatoa and yes, merapi. It usually emits pyroclastic material which can be rocks, ash, lapili (smaller stones). On its biggest eruption on 79AD it destroyed 3 cities nearby which are pompeii and herculaneum. History notes that the eruption takes 2 days until it finally destroys everything.

The first day was the plinian eruption where gases and volcanic ash burst up to 35km through the atmosphere. Most of the people died on the second day where the pyroclastic surge travels up to hundreds of km/hr which can reach up to 500degC. In the end the city was covered by pyroclastic material 4m deep and for a while the world even forget this town existed.

Most people who died are those who did not flee because they don't want to leave their belongings.

I managed some time to sit down and read a book about daily life in pompeii briefly.

Pompeii was like any other city located on the foot of mountain, has very nice weather. This is where the romans build villas and resorts to rest. This city is bursting with trade activities.

Like any other Roman cities, it worships Gods and Goddesses, mainly the God of wine and fertility.

This town's households are almost the same as modern days. It says the middle class barely cook, they usually dabao from a fast food counter. Because only the rich have slaves. These are some of their so called portable stoves and ovens XD

On yesterday's exhibition i did not see so many statues. Maybe little was saved. These statues represent the hairdo fashion at that time. Well, they did perm their hair on those days..

Most statues I saw was the Gods and Goddesses.
More were shown on frescoes (wall paintings) and mosaics. I bet they spent some time putting these up. It consisted of very tiny fragments.

Location:National Museum Singapore

A Date

2010-11-13T21:13:00.001+08:00

After we got married, say 1 or few years down the bend AND have kids, we often forget the few things we love about our partner. Life has just become routine and responsibilities despite you enjoy it or not.

It's good to have a date once in a while. Despite your reluctancy to leave your kid with someone else, a date is still necessary I find.

After sometime, we went out to catch a movie and dine out. We wanted to make it a weekly routine but sometimes you make plans but God says otherwise.

There we were, (finally) chatting and "dating". Like the old times. It wasn't fancy. We didn't even catch a movie in the mall. We went to iwerks in spore discovery centre which is like 10mins away. It was really a suburban slash industrial area. They fortunately shows 3d box office movies in their imax cheaper!! After that we went to dine in pastamania which is like so nearby hahaha.

Then I realize, we are not the type of people who needs to go to fancy places to rekindle moments. 10mins away from home, or a jog around the park where we chat our heart out is enough. Actually I prefer quiet places slash non-malls. Nothing much to do yes. But you enjoy each other's company more.

So who knows where we might go for our date next time. Maybe just a midnite show at home with indomie will be good enough if we really can't go out often haha.

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My Thought Today

2010-10-16T11:59:00.000+08:00

Terkadang kita merasa iri, cemburu, bahkan tidak terima melihat orang yang menurut kita brengsek mungkin, menerima sesuatu yang sangat bagus.

Misalnya mantan pacar. Brengsek banget, terus putus... Terus tiba2 dapet kabar dia mau kawin sm perempuan cantik, tajir, dan baik. Lalu katanya dia sudah "tobat". Meminta maaf pada kita pun tak pernah. Rasanya tidak adil bukan? Terus jadi cemburu..
Rasa iri dan cemburu itu mungkin bukan karena kita masih cinta ato kita masih benci karena hal-hal di masa lampau. Kita marah karena bukan kita orang yg telah membuat dia bertobat. Bukan karena kita dia tidak brengsek lagi. Kenapa dulu sama kita dia brengsek???

Hidayah diberikan Allah melalui orang2 yang tepat. Orang2 yang tidak punya niat dan pretensi apa-apa sebelumnya. Orang2 yang mungkin dengan ikhlas dan tanpa sadar melakukannya. Lalu kenapa hidayah tidak datang melalui kita? Jika kita mempertanyakan hal inipun, bukankah kita akan termasuk orang2 yang tidak beriman? Karena kita meragukan rukun iman ke6, Beriman kepada Qadha dan Qadar. Memang bukan takdir kitalah utk mendapatkan hidayah itu. Na'udzu billahi min dzalik.

Aku tidak mau jadi orang seperti itu. Dan seperti mantan suami Yelena di buku Bumi Cinta, aku akan berkata, "sungguh Allah memberi hidayahnya kepada orang2 yg Dia kehendaki, dan semoga engkau istiqamah di dalamnya". Karena sesungguhnya Allah menyukai doa yg baik daripada doa yang menghujat dan mengharapkan keburukan.

Dan wahai seseorang yang menikah hari ini, aku ucapkan Selamat dari dasar hatiku yang paling dalam, dan semoga Allah menjagamu dan istrimu dalam kebahagiaan yang kekal. Amin Amin Amin.

A'udzu billahi minasy syaithonirrojiiim

Women and Makeup

2010-10-10T00:25:00.000+08:00

Yup, that is so true.

For a while I've had my doubts over some unimportant (maybe) things that bothers me. It's something about women, wife and how to be one. Let's pick one simple issue, makeup.

I don't like to wear make up. Why? I just don't feel comfortable with it. I find that when you wudhu, you will have to brush off anyway. Even if I do put some on, it's very light and minimum make up. I was raised in Atjeh, where you can say the Islam teachings are quite strict. No make up because it hides your true face and it will attract the opposite sex, and your wudhu will not be accepted. Even until I grow older I don't find it necessary to make over my appearance whatsoever. I don't even shave my eyebrows (cos I learned it's not allowed). It's just my way of life.

Well, you know, time flies, I move about, end up in Jakarta, end up in Singapore. To tell you the truth, Singapore is not so bad. It's no sin not to wear make up here. In fact, alot of people on MRT don't even bother to put on, or if they do, you can hardly see it. Jakarta on the other hand, is very competitive when it comes to appearance. Let's just say, it's peer pressure, everyone dress up, you don't, you feel ugly.

My husband has 2 sisters, both are pretty I find. Like all Jakartans, make up is a must, wherever you go. Depends on where you go though. THe make up will vary. To be honest, I feel ugly whenever I am around them. They dress up, they wear make up, and when I refused to put on very heavy make up on they just commented, "it's just because you're not used to it". Is being not used to make up a bad thing?

I begin to question whether I should put on some just to adapt to the family. Maybe, if I put on some, they will see me as pretty as they are and I won't feel so ugly. I remember their motto, if you want to be pretty you have to prepare yourself for some pain or sacrifices, and I don't do that.

My doubts were answered by a call to USA. My aunt is there. Incidentally, she mentioned the topic above. She said she'd changed, she does not put on make up anymore because she learned that if you put on make up to please others or to show off, it is not allowed. She did that to find Allah's blessing. Well, her reason is somewhat more noble than mine XD. I started off with the same reason (maybe) then it just became my way of life and I began to forgot why I did it.

To tell you the truth, people criticize you because you are different. Why I don't do make up they see it as no effort to look pretty. If I have a strong belief that I do it to find Allah's blessing, then maybe I will hold on to it and walk on with my head held high.

If I do everything with the reason of finding Allah's blessing, InsyaALlah, I will hold my ground on everything I do despite what people say. All I need to do is straightened my intentions Lillahi Ta'ala. InsyaAllah, Allah will bless me. So now, as usual, I won't care what people say unless it's something that Allah would like me to do. :).

Suami dan Istri

2010-10-01T23:01:00.000+08:00

Singkat cerita, saya ditegur oleh mertua saya berdasarkan pengamatan mereka pada perlakuan saya pada suami. Diantaranya: menolak membuatkan indomie di pagi hari, meminta suami memijat kaki saya di depan saudara saudara, dan mengomeli suami karena lupa bawa sepatu pantofel. Kata mertua, saya tampak meremehkan suami saya. Lalu, tiba2 mertua menyinggung2 pendidikan saya yg (kebetulan) sudah S2. Saat itu saya diam saja.... Tapi rasanya ingin sekali membela diri.

Pak,
Apalah artinya S2 saya pak, dalam pekerjaan sayapun S2 saya tidak ada artinya. Gaji saya segitu2 aja, karir saya masih tetap junior engineer. Dlm hal ilmu pun saya masih banyak belajar dari orang lain. Saya S2 bukan demi karir pak, bukan jg supaya gaji saya lebih tinggi, saya S2 karena saya mau ilmu.

Saya menolak membuatkan indomie di pagi hari, karena itu tidak sehat pak. Siang siang ato malam hari bolehlah. Tapi memulai hari dengan indomie saya rasa saya berkewajiban mengingatkan suami bahwa itu tidak baik. Masalah memijat, saya rasa tergantung siapa yg melihat. Buat saya suami memijat istri adalah tanda sayang pada istri. Lagipula kaki saya memang sakit sekali. Masalah sepatu pantofel, mungkin saya salah karena harus mengomel. Itu saya akui.

Kata mertua saya, suami adalah imam. Jadi harus dihormati. Itu saya stuju pak, namun apakah imam selalu benar? Jika saya tahu itu salah, bukankah lebih baik saya menegur agar dia tidak menanggung dosa dari apa yg saya lakukan?
Saya tahu ALlah berfirman bahwa istri2 sudah sepantasnyalah hormat pada suami karena yg demikian itu adalah sebaik2nya bagi istri. Namun sepantasnyalah pula suami2 sayang pada istri2. TOlong pak, jangan dipotong hanya sampai bagian hormat pada suami. Saya jd merasa tugas saya sebagai istri hanya manggut2 dan menurut seperti robot. Allah menciptakan saya dengan akal jg sama seperti lelaki. Istri wajib taat pada suami selama apa yg dianjurkan suami adalah baik. Memang terkadang karena umur kami yg hanya terpaut beberapa bulan saya sering keceplosan berkata yg menyinggung hati. Maklumilah pak, kami baru setahun menikah. Itu saya akui saya sering khilaf.

Namun saya dengan seluruh kerendahan hati meminta bapak untuk tidak menilai saya. Nasihat bapak saya terima dengan lapang dada, tapi semua penilaian bapak membuat saya sedih. Karena saya tidak berkata apa-apa mungkin bapak menganggap semua itu benar. Saya menolak jadi istri yg tidak bisa memberi pendapat dalam rumah tangga dan hanya bisa mengomel di belakang. Rumah tangga kami adalah urusan kami dan ALlah. Biar rahmat Allah yang menuntun kami. Semoga jodoh kami langgeng di dunia dan akhirat.

Sekian

(Masih) Seputar ASI

2010-08-01T00:09:00.000+08:00

Asha sudah 7 bulan sekarang, dan terus terang saja sejak bulan ke 6 sudah saya campur susu formula. Bukan karena apa-apa, tapi karena sejak bulan ke 6 itu saya amat disibukkan pekerjaan. Otomatis jarak memompa jadi lebih panjang. Biasanya 3jam sekali, jadi 4 jam sekali. Karena juga sibuk jadi susunya jg jadi lebih sedikit yang terpompa. Namun saya masih terus memperjuangkan ASI full ketika saya di rumah waktu weekend atau waktu libur.

Kadang memang suka minder kalo baca-baca blog orang yang bunyinya kira-kira begini, "Alhamdulillah saya bisa full ASI sampai 1thn plus dan sampai sekarang anak saya jadi jarang sakit". Terkadang saya juga suka berpikir, apakah saya belum berusaha semaksimal mungkin? Apakah saya belum meletakkan kepentingan anak saya diatas segala kepentingan? Apa sih beda saya dengan mereka?

Terlalu banyak "apakah" yang saya lontarkan yang nadanya menyalahkan diri sendiri. Namun kemudian saya sadar, proses menjadi orang tua untuk memberi yang terbaik bukan hanya pada 2 tahun pertama ini saja. Memang benar ASI diutamakan dan merupakan hak tiap bayi, dalam artian adalah hak bayi untuk mendapatkan nutrisi dan makanan selayaknya yg mereka butuhkan di awal kehidupan. Namun jaman sudah berubah, pada jaman Rasulullah saja ada begitu banyak ibu susu, jaman sekarang sudah semakin maju, sudah ada lebih banyak lagi sumber nutrisi yg bisa memenuhi kebutuhan bayi. Saya tidak mengatakan formula lebih baik, saya hanya mengatakan formula atau mencari ibu susu adalah usaha yang sama baiknya untuk memenuhi hak sang bayi.

Menjadi ibu baru memang penuh tantangan dan pertanyaan. Am I doing the right thing? I guess parenting is not about what's right or wrong. It's about what you think is best for your child. I believe everyone has different situations, backgrounds, even reasons to make a decision. Every mom will always be a hero in their children's eyes no matter what they decided. I, for instance, never hate my mom for giving me formula when I was a baby. I'm sure our babies won't either :)

Ikhlas

2010-07-12T21:51:00.000+08:00

Semua cobaan itu kadang memang datang dari niat yg baik. Contohnya ya, saya berniat jadi orang yang baik, tapi subhanallah.. Ada aja yg terjadi yg menguji niat baik kita. Jadi orang baik bagaimana sih? Ya, jadi orang yang jujur, santun, tidak iri, tidak dengki, bersyukur, dan yg paling penting dan mendasar, ikhlas.

Iya, ikhlas. Kalo dalam segala hal kita ikhlas, insyaAllah jalan menuju orang yg dikasihi Allah semakin dekat. Sejak saya bertekad utk mempertebal tembok keikhlasan saya, semakin saya merasa diuji dengan macam2. Tapi Subhanallah ya, saya berarti manja sekali, baru dikasih quiz2 ringan aja udah merasa diuji. Malu dong ya sama orang2 yg udah pake ujian kenaikan kelas.

Contoh kasus kecil2 nih..
Suami saya cenderung orang yg berlapang dada dalam menghadapi apapun. Namun saya kadang khawatir people will just take him for granted. Saya yg ga rela, dia sih pasrah. Ada seorang teman yg pergi ke Jakarta, pulang jam 11malam minta dijemput naik mobil soalnya ga rela bayar mahal naek taksi dr airport. Saya ga rela sungguh, toh kita jg setiap kali pulang dari airport ga minta dijemput tuh. Bayar taksi juga gpp. Kalo jemputnya sore2 sih gpp, tp malem2 gitu tega bener sih.
Hari ini juga, suami ke Batam, menyusul temannya itu. Bukannya ditungguin ternyata si temannya ini pulang duluan, jadinya suami saya harus pergi ke site menggantikan si temannya itu DAN jadinya si suami saya yg harus menginap. Saya tidak rela sungguh dia dimanfaatkan sedemikian rupa. Karena saya yakin orang itu tidak akan berbuat yang sama seperti suami saya.

Namun setelah saya renungi, saya sadar Allah itu adil. Saya selama ini terlalu terpaku pada apakah orang tersebut bisa berbuat sama seperti yg pernah kami lakukan. Padahal hanya Allah yg mampu membalas kebaikan atau keburukan manusia. Mungkin balasan itu tidak datang dari orang yang sama tapi dari orang yang lain. Agak susah memang rasanya kalau kita bersusah payah demi seseorang yang bahkan tidak peduli pada kita atau melakukan sesuatu yg tidak ada balasannya. Tapi insyaAllah, Allah mampu membalas seadil2nya.

Jika semua yang kita lakukan hanya demi mengharap ridhaNya insyaAllah semua akan berbuah jadi pahala. Katanya sih, ikhlas menerima segala ketentuanNya sama dengan menghormati segala ketentuanNya sama dengan menghormati Allah itu sendiri.

Subhanallah....

3 Months Going 4

2010-04-13T15:31:00.003+08:00

Now, this is baby journal. Was thinking of making a new journal specially for Asha's development, but I am just super lazy.

3rd month milestones:
1. She can grab things now. Even though the hand is still clasped but now she opens it everytime she wants to get something. Mostly the one she can grab now are the small and thin objects like chains, hair, fabrics, etc.
2. She hasn't turned yet :(. I mean by herself. She can turn sideways, but the she can't turn the butt over. Hahahaha..
3. Her neck is very strong. Nowadays she refuses to lay on her back flat. She likes to sit up a bit straight.. and she loves if we put her standing up with the feet flat on the ground. :D
4. She babbles a lot! Haha.. Around strangers she's more on the quiet side, but when we get home she would start babbling again! Very happy during morning time especially, super chatty and super cheerful.. She also laughs and screams sometimes, my maid said she's experimenting with her own voice.
5. She drinks 500ml within 8hours I leave her at home.
6. She likes to play now, leave her with those toys with songs and sounds, I can leave her be for some time (my maid said this doesn't apply on Mondays)
7. She moves actively now, if I leave her on the crib, a few minutes later her position would have changed 90 degrees. The arms and legs are also moving equally.

Every monday she always has to adapt again with the teat. Because on weekends she latches on fully. I think that is a good thing for me, bad thing for my maid. :D.

Every time I see her progress it just amazes me that I too started as a little helpless thing. Every little thing that she does never cease to amaze me. Don't stop being such a wonderful girl okay? :)

ASIX, Kebutuhan atau Prestise?

2010-04-03T07:42:00.002+08:00

Kalau dulu jaman aku kecil orang2 pada pake susu formula, sekarang lagi digalakkan ASIX 6 bulan penuh. Jadi semua orang lagi menggembar gemborkan ASI. Menurutku ini adalah hal yang baik, karena bagaimanapun juga ASI memang makanan bayi yg paling lengkap gizinya dan tidak mengandung zat kimia aneh2 seperti yg mungkin ada di susu formula.

Meskipun aku percaya setiap ibu insyaAllah PASTI ada susunya, namun dr segi jumlah pasti berbeda beda. Ada yang banyak melimpah, ada yg cukup, ada yang lebih sedikit. Banyak ibu2 yang demi menambah ASI menggelonggong air sebanyak2nya, makan daun katuk dsb. Hal ini menurutku bagus... soalnya penting bagi si ibu utk menerapkan pola hidup sehat. Namun begitu, ada ibu2 yg meskipun sudah melakukan segala cara demi menambah ASI namun tetap kurang utk memenuhi kebutuhan anaknya.

Pertanyaan yang menurutku sangat mengganggu adalah, "Gimana, ASI?" Kalo jawabannya iya sih syukur. Kalo engga, suka dituduh macam2.. "Kenapa? Takut sakit ya? TAkut susunya turun ya?". Kok kesannya jadi dosa banget sih ga ngasi ASI? Apapun alasannya setidaknya anaknya masih diberi makan.

Terkadang ibu2 yang susunya kurang itu menyerah karena tahu susunya tidak cukup. Namun menurutku pribadi gak ada salahnya terus diberi ASI. Kalau kurang tambah aja susu formula. Meskipun ASI hanya sedikit terus aja diusahakan utk diberi. Alhamdulillah kalau bertambah, kalau tidak ya setidaknya si anak sempat dapat ASI. Karena ASI itu mengandung probiotik, sedangkan susu formula tidak. Ada beberapa temanku yang "maksa" banget ASIX meski susunya kurang dan menolak sufor sama sekali. Memang ada opsi utk mencari donor ASI. Tp iya kalo ada donor di sekitar. Kalo engga?

Aku sendiri bertekad memberi ASI selama 1 thn insyaAllah jika diijinkan. Bukan apa-apa, tapi mendengar efek2 samping susu formula aku jadi takut. Kasihan si bayi juga. Namun so far tmn2ku yg pake susu formula bilang efek sampingnya tidak seburuk yg dikabarkan. Jadi jika nanti sebelum 1 thn anakku minum semakin banyak dan aku tidak sanggup menyediakan, aku harus campur dengan susu formula. InsyaAllah tidak berefek buruk. Sebenernya sebelum kukasih sufor aku mau cari donor ASI dulu. Tp kalo gak dapat ya sufor lah my last resort.

Oleh karena itu, menurutku, ASI memang penting dan sebaiknya diusahakan utk diberi. Tapi jangan dijadikan suatu prestise bagi kaum ibu. Anjuran utk memberi ASI memang seharusnya disebarkan, namun jgn langsung menjudge ibu2 yg memberi susu formula. Setiap orang punya penilaian dan alasan sendiri2. Kita hanya bisa saling menasihati dalam kebaikan....

Time Heals

2010-04-01T22:34:00.002+08:00

At least once in your lifetime you have that somebody that you truly hate and despise to the roots! Well, at least in MY lifetime. I spent days and nights hating that person, wonder what I should do to get back to him.

In the end, I wonder what would hating him do me? Would it do me good? Can it erase all the things that he's done to me in the past? NO. IT WOULD NOT. Forgiving is another thing though, everytime I remember what he's done to me, I feel like forgiveness is too "soft". I want revenge!! But then I wonder, how do I avenge? Thinking the ways to avenge oneself is too emotion consuming, time consuming and HEART and SOUL consuming.

So now I've learnt to let go. I can't change what happens in the past, but I still don't like him. I can just go the safe way, just stay out of his way. Where it's not so important don't go near him. I find that time heals and prayer helps. Everyday I pray that God would be so kind to cleanse my soul of this hatred. I pray to God to give some space in my heart for forgiveness. One day, I did.

I really don't care what he does anymore, nor do I care whether he still remembers what he's done to me. I've learnt to be happy for myself, if I can't be happy for someone's happiness.
Hatred really isn't something that you should breed, it'll destroy your soul.

Sometimes I wish God doesn't forgive him or make him pay. But now all I care about is whether God will forgive ME for all I've done. So I guess in the end, it is true.. time heals everything. Cause in time you realize, that what happens can not be undone. What's left is to repent and promise yourself not to let it happen again, and pray that God forgives you...

So my friend, now I can say, I forgive you. As I wish that God could forgive me too...

It's Sore Again

2010-01-30T19:24:00.000+08:00

Memasuki bulan kedua ini so far masih direct feeding dan aku kira lecet lecet itu cuma awal2 aja.. Ternyata gesekan berkali2 dari gerakan mengenyot pun masih bikin lecet di kemudian hari.

Aku kira latch on salah.. Tp udh dicek ga salah kok.. Dan yg lecet bkn pentilnya tp daerah skitar aeriolanya yg sering dikenyot. Sakitnya sih masih bearable. Tp suka bikin males nyusuin deh mengingat tetek msh berdenyut2 sakit..

Oiya sekarang asha udh mule kliatn jam2 mimiknya. Rata2 daytime 2 jam sekali, malam 3-4 jam sekali.

Entah kenapa aku kok jadi merasa manja.. Ibu2 jaman dulu tanpa pompa tanpa keluhan sukses2 aja nyusuinnya. Malah sampe 2 thn lbh..

Memang generasi muda dimanjakan teknologi nih :P

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

4 Weeks Old Asha

2010-01-21T20:19:00.002+08:00

Today Asha is 4wks old. Throughout this 4weeks I must say she's truly a blessing. Day by day I learn something new about her. It is really strange how u have developed a personality ever since u can not even see clearly! Such as:
- She is quite a shy baby.. Hearing some stranger's voice she would immediately seek me and ask for the breast. While sucking she is slowly getting to know the person from what she hears and eventually settle down.
- She likes to eavesdrop! hahahahaha
- She always needs time to adapt to something new, so I guess anything new I have to introduce to her slowly bit by bit.
- She always can't sleep at maghrib or just before.. My friend says all babies are like that.
- She doesn't like to be left alone and i think she is those easily bored ppl. Very demanding when it comes to things she wants.

Hopefully she stays healthy and keep on growing strong.. Love u baby..

Menyusui Awal

2010-01-07T21:07:00.000+08:00

Pas hamil rada ga pede, gara2nya ibuku dulu susunya ga keluar, trus ceunah, riwayat adek2nya jg susunya pada dikit semua.. Jd ibuku dan tante2ku udh bikin aku berpikir jgn2 susuku jg ga akan keluar ini.. Tp terimakasih kepada teman2ku yg pada menyemangati menyusui dan banyak jg yg ibunya dulu ga menyusui tapi mereka sukses menyusui.. Di Indonesia lagi digalakkan IMD (inisiasi menyusui dini). Cuma disini praktek itu kayanya ga lazim deh.. Jadi aku baru mencoba menyusui setelah si bayi dibersihin, ditimbang, diukur, dicek dokter anak, dan aku selesai dijahit. Awal2nya menyusui sempet rada ga pede juga, soalnya yg keluar cm kolostrum dan dikiiiit banget kynya. Udah gitu di RS sempet ada suster jaga malam yg galak dan bikin aku merasa kolostrumku ga cukup. Aku sampe bilang sama Bram apa mesti ditambahin sufor ya... Tp si Bram teh keukeuh blg, kalo awal2nya cm perlu kolostrum dan emang ga perlu dlm jumlah bnyk dan si bayi msh oke kenapa mesti ditambahin?? Maklumlah namanya jg ibu baru, rada2 takut bayinya kelaperan. Padahal di antenatal class udh dijelasin kalo 3 hari pertama itu emang yg keluar cuma kolostrum dan jumlahnya ga banyak.. Tapi cukup buat si bayi. Maka dari itulah, kalo ambil antenatal class bawa suami yah.. Setidaknya pada saat kita ibu2 panik dan kehilangan akal sehat mereka masih inget pelajaran di antenatal class hahaha...
Trus putingnya sempet rada-rada lecet. Kayanya latch on nya pas awal2 sempet salah. Sempet bikin agak trauma pas menyusui soalnya tiap kali nyusuin tu sakittt pas awal2nya. Akhirnya tanya2 beberapa ibu senior *halah* dan rata2 bilang memang begituu.. pasti awal2 sakit dan mungkin aja lecet. Tapi kudu semangat dan tabah karena paling dlm beberapa hari jg lecetnya ilang dan kulit puting plus aeriola menebal. Justru harus menyusui terus biar cepet sembuh... Alhamdulillah lecet dan sakitnya ilang dlm tempo kurang dari seminggu. Emang utk menyusui itu dibutuhkan niat dan tekad baja pas awal2..
Karena pas antenatal class aku diajarin cara mijet2 payudara dan menyiapkan payudara sebelum menyusui jadi aku "usahakan" sabar pas awal2 dipijet2 biar payudaranya ga keras. Sampe sekarang juga tiap mandi pake aer anget aku pijet2 bagian2 yg rada nge"lump" ato keras. Alhamdulillah membantu. Trus selama hamil aku kan pijet prenatal, jd kynya kurang lebih mempersiapkan payudaraku buat menyusui. Walhasil susuku dari awal ga engorged membatu ato keras sampe sakit banget.
Awal2 suster galak itu marahin aku gara2 nyusuinnya lebih dari 20 menit, ktnya ga boleh.. Katanya kalo lebih berarti kolostrumku kurang dan ga baik buat puting dan sekitarnya (ini suster pokonya mematahkan semangat bgtlah) Waktu pulang bayiku ditimbang turun sekitar 200 gr. Tp suster baik *yg shift pagi* blg wajar.. Soalnya pas baru lahir kan msh bnyk cadangan mknan dr plasenta, selama nyusuin kolostrum pelan2 kepake.
Begitu pulang pelan2 susunya mulai banyak, cair, dan memutih. Alhamdulillah susunya cukup memenuhi demand sampai hari ini. Eh tp ini baru 10 hari loh hahaha.. InsyaAllah lancar terus sampe bulan2 kedepannya deh. Puting payudara jg udh mulai berasa "kebal" alias kulitnya udh menebal kali ya dan menyusui jadi kegiatan yg menyenangkan (karena pas nyusuin bayinya pasti diem).
Jadi moral of the story:

1. Pas hamil cari tau sebanyak2nya tentang menyusui, caranya latch on, perawatan payudara selama hamil, dsb. Kayanya sih sekitar bln 6-7 gitu lah udh mulai bisa cari2 info.. Kalo ada antenatal class kaya disini ikutan deh, membantu banget.. oh, dan bawa suami :D.

2. Jangan patah semangat dan harus punya tekad baja. Temen2ku banyak yg nyerah di tahap lecet itu dan mereka bnyk yg nyesel ga ngelatih anaknya "direct feed" karena anaknya jd tergantung sama botol dan kt mereka repot di masa dpnnya, jln2 kudu bawa stok botol bnyk kan berat bok..

3. Mesti pede pas menyusui, soalnya aku ngerasa bayi tu pasti tau klo ibunya ga ikhlas gara2 takut menyusui lantaran sakit, jdnya mereka jg jadi ga nyaman kannn...

4. Nyetok baju menyusui beberapa (ini pesan sponsor hahaha) buat pergi2 dan daster2 buat nyusuin. Biar ga ush buka baju pas nyusuin, cm buka kancing ato retsleting dpn.
Jadi ibu emang kudu cerdas yah biar enak di ibu, enak di bayi :)

Labour Experience

2010-01-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

Tiap ibu pasti pengalaman bersalinnya beda beda. Ada yg cepet, ada yg lama, ada yg mudah, ada yg lbh sulit, tp insyaAllah semua terbayar di saat si kecil keluar. :). Jadi aku mau sharing pengalaman bersalinku yang menurutku sangat sistematis dan by the book.. hihihihi.

Sebenernya, sekitar beberapa hari sblm duedate (duedate tgl 21 des) sebenernya udah mulai bloody show. Tp kontraksinya belum kuat, jadi blm ke RS. Baca2 di internet bloody show yg bentuknya lendir dengan sedikit bercak coklat ato pink bisa jadi pertanda labour udh mau mulai, ataui bisa jadi masih berhari2 kemudian karena banyak wanita yg meski udh mulai bloody show tp persalinan msh jauh sekali. Pada duedate dicek sama dokter masih bukaan 2. Nah, untuk anak pertama pun, bukaan 2 bisa berlangsung berhari2, bisa mencapai 7 hari sebelum akhirnya persalinan sebenarnya berlangsung. Begitu diusg, ternyata ketuban masih bagus, masih cukup, di CTG jg keliatan kontraksinya masih blm kuat jadi diputuskan untuk menunggu selama seminggu ke depan.

Tanggal 22 des, aku nunggu aja gitu di rumah, tp kontraksi tak kunjung datang juga. Akhirnya tgl 23 des, aku memutuskan jalan2 ke IMM dengan tujuan kontraksinya cpt dateng gituuu... Katanya sih ada beberapa cara yg bisa dicoba utk menjumpstart labour, salah satunya ya jalan2 ituuu...
Kira2 tgl 24 des pagi2 buta kebelet pipis, begitu di kmr mandi udh mulai ada darah campur lendir. Nah tapi darahnya ini jauh lbh dominan dibanding lendirnya, pas aku baca2 katanya ini bloody show yg bener2 menandakan labour akan dimulai. Gak lama setelah itu udh mulai berasa kontraksi yg lebih sakit. Selama ini aku kontraksinya cm perasaan kenceng di perut. Nah itu blm diitung kontraksi yg menandakan labour dimulai. Setelah nelp 24hr delivery hotline, mereka suruh lihat dulu selama sejam dan disuruh ke RS setelah kontraksi dtg setiap 5menit sekali. Dalam sejam ternyata rasa sakitnya makin kentara, jadi meskipun kontraksi msh angot2an alias blm regular timingnya akirnya diputuskan ke RS. Plus, si bloody show nya teruuus aja keluar.

Sampe RS langsung dianter ke delivery suite, itu sekitar jam... 4 pagi. Setelah dicek, masih bukaan 3 dong -___-. Trus dokter jaga langsung telp dokterku. Mau disuruh tunggu di ruang lain apa ditahan di labour ward utk dipantau buat persiapan bersalin. Pas ini kontraksi udh mule sakit tp msh bearable lah. Ternyata si dokter blg ditahan aja di labour ward. Mulai deh dipasang alat mcm2... Disuruh poop dulu, pasang infus, sejak itu soalnya udh ga blh mkn lg, dipasang CTG. Karena di vaginaku ada bakteri gitu jadi harus disuntikin antibiotik min 3jam sebelum kelahiran. Jadi tiap 3jam disuntik terus.

Skitar jam 8 pagi dicek lagi daaann... msh bukaan 3.5. Ah cape deeeh.. akirnya dipecahin ketubannya dan karena kontraksi masih irregular si dokter memutuskan utk ngedrip aku dengan penguat kontraksi buat merangsang bukaan. Sekitar jam 9 pagi, rasa sakitnya mulai makin sakiiiittt... Dan tiap jam makin sakit aja. Awal2nya pake gas, tp masyaAllah ga ngaruuuuuhh... emang sih setelah menghirup gas jd berasa rada ngantuk dan melayang2 tapi masih sakiiit. Tp masih bertahan ga mau pake epidural soalnya takut :P. Abis itu dicobain bius lokal yg disuntik di paha. Itu juga GA NGARUH. SAKIIIIIITTT BGT!!!

Akirnya sekitar bukaan 4 gitu aku mule memohon2 minta epidural. Si dokter anesthesinya waktu itu blm mau ngasih soalnya kontraksi masih agak irregular jd menunggu regular dulu. Jadi tiap kontraksi aku menghirup gaaaass terus sampe mabok. Sekitar bukaan 5 aku udah makin ga sabaran. EPIDURAAAAAAAALLLLL!! Akirnya si dokter masuk, tapi rada ragu2 jg soalnya tiap kontraksi dateng aku menggeliat2 ga karuan gara2 kesakitan. Jadinya dalam kondisi setengah sadar berusaha melengkungkan badan dan ga gerak. Jadi dlm proses ngebius lokal sampe masukin infus buat epiduralnya aku menghisap gas sampe mabok. Alhamdulillah jd ga gerak abis gak berasa aja gitu saking maboknya hahahahahahhaha..

Ternyata di aku efek epidural nya ga langsung. Setelah aku baca2 kemudian, ternyata emang ada orang2 yg efek epiduralnya ga menyeluruh dan lambat. Dalam kasusku yg numb tu cm sebelah kiri.. Jadi tiap kontraksi sakiiitnyaaaa di sebelah kanan berasa bgt. Akhirnya dosisnya dinaikin setelah bbrp saat. Meskipun begitu aku selalu sempet tidur loh disela2 kontraksi, bahkan pas masih napas gas, bangun cm buat kesakitan dan napas gas ahahahha.

Akhirnya sekitar jam setengah 1 di bukaan 8 efek numb dari pinggang kebawah mulai berasa. Berasa gak ada rasanya.. hahaha. Jadinya bisa tidur dengan tenang, nabung energi buat ngeden entar. Jam 1 udah bukaan 9, tapi si dokter baru dateng lg ngecek jam 3 yg mana udh bukaan 10. Untung gada rasanya bok. Kalo gak yg bener aja... -___-. Karena waktu itu efek epiduralnya menyeluruh alias gada rasanya, sama dokternya disuruh turunin dosis dan tunggu sejam kemudian buat ngeden. Selama sejam itu dicek2 mulu di perut bag atas udh ada rasanya gak.

Tapi udh diturunin dosis pun tetep weee.. gada rasanya tuh. Akirnya diturunin lagi. Jam 4 udah disuruh mule ngeden. Dokter blm dateng, dan ngeden cm dipandu sm suster. Alhamdulillah aku sukses ngeden menurunkan asha terus sampe bawah. Pas udh mo crowning si dokter dateng, disuruh ngeden teruuuuuuuusss sampe akirnya aku bs ngerasain kakinya nendang2 di bawah situ deket jalan keluar. Sama si dokternya perineumku digunting. Sebenernya ya.. di dpn kasur persis itu ada kaca. Tp syukur alhamdulillah aku minus 4, hahahaha... Meski aku yg jalanin tp ga berani jg ngeliatnya :s.

Suamiku alhamdulillah kuat nemenin dan bantuin megangin kakiku pas aku ngeden, soalnya kan kakinya msh rada berat dan kebas ya.. Jadi ngejejeknya ga stabil gituu.. Jadi dia tu yg melihat semua prosesnya.. dan darah2nya :P. Suster dan dokternya jg sangat suportif.. tiap dorongan merasa harus mendorong lebih baik supaya bayinya cepet brojol.

Akirnya keluar juga deh jam 5 sore. Abis itu dijait kira2 setengah jam. Diamati dulu perdarahannya selama 2jam normal apa gak, baru dipindah ke ward inap. Alhamdulillah sukses euy ngedennya meskipun ambeyennya jd kluar dan sampe hari ini blm masuk2 lagi. Gimana ya caranya? Masa mesti dioperasi siiiih???

Jadi total waktu persalinan berapa lama tuh? 12jam? Kalo diitung dr mulai kontraksi2 sih dari jam 2 pagi ya, tp klo diitung dari mulai nambah bukaan terus ya dari jam 9 pagi itulah. Herannya ya, mungkin anugerah Allah buat ibu2 supaya gak kapok melahirkan kali ya, semua sakitnya tu cuma kaya mimpi aja. Padahal berbelas2 jam tp bener2 ilang ga bersisa setelah semuanya berlalu. Yaa sisanya jaitan dan ambeyen inilah.

Setelah dijait minta ke susternya buat anterin bayi trus disusuin deehh... Gatau keluar apa ga kolostrumnya pas awal2 pokonya dicobain ajalah :D. Alhamdulillah sekarang udh seminggu dan udah jadi susu, keluarnya juga lancar... :D.

Bayiku lumayan gede, 3.465 kg panjang 53cm. Dokterku aja takjub hahahaha. Di NUS aku ga USG tiap kontrol soalnya, jadinya bahkan sampe saat2 terakir sebelum lahiran aku ga tau itu bayi segede apa :D. Ada positifnya sih, aku jd ga takut2 pas ngeden karena ga ada pengetahuan awal si bayi segede apa dan jadi ga ada praduga awal kalo aku tu kekecilan utk bayi segede itu.

Malam sebelum melahirkan aku nyasar ke website ini: http://birthingwithguinever.com/
Website ini lumayan ngeboost semangat utk berusaha melahirkan dengan normal dan berani ngadepinnya.

Jadi ya bumil2, percaya deh sm Tuhan, diri sendiri dan si bayi. InsyaAllah alam udah mengatur sedemikian rupa kok proses melahirkan itu. :D

40minggu++

2009-12-23T07:39:00.001+08:00

Hari ini udh lewat 2 hari dari duedate. Sebenernya bingung maw doa gimana juga.. Toh lahir dan mati di tangan tuhan. Jadi gw cm berdoa smua dimudahkan dan dilancarkan. Kalaupun tidak selancar itu insyaAllah dikuatkan kesabaran dan keikhlasannya.

Udah ditanya2 sama org.. Gw sering menangkap nada kasihan, tp gw kok ga suka dikasihani ya... Abis klo dipikir2 juga bayi lahir ga bs dipaksa gt klo mau natural. Bayi juga beda2, ada yg betah lama2 di perut ada yg ga sabar mau keluar. Gwnya jg ga menderita bgt kok. Wong nunggunya jg ga sakit, cuma yg namanya menunggu trus ditunda2 gmn sih rasanya.. Ga sabaran aja.

Gw merasa selama hamil ini kesabaran dan keikhlasan gw diuji poll!! Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah.. Itu kan yg sepantasnya diucap seorang muslim ketika diberi ujian? Hanya Allah yg tau makna dibalik semua kehendakNya. Wallahualam

Sabaarr

2009-12-19T14:50:00.001+08:00

Orang sabar dan ikhlas itu disayang tuhan ya? Tp knp rasanya sedih sekali bersabar dan ikhlas dimarahi orang yg tidak tahu apa2 ataw ketika kita ditipu orang dan dizalimi org? Orang sabar dan ikhlas itu apakah punya hati yg lbh besar daripada orang lain? Ataw memang sabar dan ikhlas itu melatih hati agar lebih besar dan bersih?

Memang benar susah jd orang sabar itu, makanya disayang tuhan... Dan saya rasa hanya org2 yg diberi kelebihan utk sabarlah yg diberi cobaan2 yg membutuhkan kesabaran luar biasa.

Dituduh dan difitnah sedemikian rupa untuk sesuatu yang tidak pernah ataw tidak diniatkan juga sangat menyakitkan. Kenapa ya orang2 itu tidak berpikir untuk menjaga lisannya dari mengatakan hal2 yg menyakitkan. Semenyakitkan apapun kenyataan tetap harus disampaikan dengan baik agar tidak menyinggung.

Memang kesabaran itu diuji dengan berbagai cara, dan dibutuhkan keikhlasan utk memaafkan segala kekhilafan..

Today's words of wisdom

2009-12-19T12:24:00.001+08:00

You will not be pregnant foreverrrr!!! Sabaaar sabaaarr hidup mati jodoh rejeki smua di tangan tuhan :)

My so called bestfriends

2009-12-19T10:20:00.001+08:00

Gw udah berkali-kali punya sahabat yg berbeda2 dan rata-rata udah bukan sahabat gw lagi dlm artian udah ilang kontaklah.. Ato berakir dengan tragis..

Cuma memang akirnya gw sadar, semakin lo tua, punya keluarga, yang ada cuma teman seprofesi,sehobi, dan sejenisnya. Seiring dengan waktu juga, gw mulai melepas konsep sahabat yg selama ini gw pegang. Nothing lasts forever and truly only the best remains. Jadi gw udah ga pernah berharap lagi sahabat gw peduli ato ga, ngubungin gw ato gak.. Tar klo butuh jg dtg...

Masih ada sih bbrp tmn dkt yg masih gw hubungi buat basa basi.. And they really are one of the best people alive :D

1 muharram 1431

2009-12-18T12:21:00.001+08:00

Kira2 siang hari ini udah bloody show. Dari yg dibaca2 katanya klo blm sakit bgt kontraksinya berarti tunggu dulu d rmh buat observasi. Katanya jarak dari bloody show sampe waktu persalinan sebenarnya bisa mkn wkt sampe berhari2 tp bs jg cm dlm bbrp jam.

So far ketuban jg blm bocor jd kalopun ke RS skrg percuma. Soalnya mungkin baru bukaan 1. Gerakan bebi jg masih relatif aktif jd setidaknya kondisi d dlm msh aman. Kontraksi jg br nyeri2 dikit blm unbearable pain. People say when the contractions come I will know....

Kalo lahirnya tgl 1 muharram masa namanya suro??? Hahahaha

38 weeks going 39

2009-12-09T09:02:00.001+08:00

Sekarang udah tinggal menghitung hari.. Dan gw jg udah mule cuti. Tapi gmn klo si bebi ga lahir2 nih?*cemas*. Kemaren ud cek up, kepala bayi blm sepenuhnya engaged. Tp ya udh tinggal menghitung hari. Deadline gw sbnrnya msh 2minggu lagi huhuhuuu. Lama yaaaa

Ketidaknyamanan hamil spt nyeri2 ngilu2 gt skrg malah kaya pertanda bgs.. Berarti wkt semakin dkt. Udh makin pengen kehamilan cpt berakhir. Bukan krn udh berat jg sih tp takut si bebi kegedean malah susah kluar normal.

Today's Words of Wisdom

2009-12-04T14:45:00.002+08:00

If fate is decided beforehand, why worry? why complain? why be afraid?

Ada 4 hal yang sudah dijanjikan Allah ketika kita 4bln dlm kandungan, hari lahir, hari mati, rejeki, dan jodoh. 4 hal yang ga bisa diganggu gugat. Jadi kalo menyangkut hal2 itu gak ada gunanya khawatir.

Bukan berarti gak boleh ada usaha tentunya.. Usaha kudu terus jalan untuk mempermudah proses ato apapun in between. Namun segalanya tetap ada di tangan Allah.
Dalam kasus gw, gw udh berusaha jalan, supaya (katanya) bayi cpt turun. Tapi sampe skrg bayi blm kluar2 tuh.. Gw tetep percaya, usaha yg gw lakukan insyaAllah akan mempermudah proses. As in when, is not my call... :D

36weeks going 37

2009-11-25T17:52:00.002+08:00

Entah kenapa ya, meskipun udah 36minggu tetep aja berasa masih lama.. wong itung2annya masih 4minggu lagi gitu loh hohohoho...

Beberapa hari ini makin berasa asha udah makin turun aja... Soalnya di daerah pelvis gt udh mule kram2.. trus ngilunya makin parah. Kontraksi palsu makin sering tp ya masih random meskipun jaraknya makin deket. Dulu sih jarang2, skrg udh lumayan sering. Cuma udah mulai ga kenal posisi euy. Dulu biasanya berasa kalo lg jalan ato lg berdiri, skrg dudukpun kontraksi palsu.

Cuma gapapa lah itung2 latihan buat persalinan si rahim, biar matang dan bayinya gampang brojol hehehe.
Tadi cek up ke dokter dan dokternya blg kepalanya udh masuk panggul setengah. Jd pelan2 mulai turun ke panggul siap2 buat keluar. Kata orang sih udh anytime.. tapi kalo gw sih masih santai aja... Selama gerakan bayi masih normal, blm ada flek, dan ketuban blm pecah berarti masih blm dkt. Maksudnya masih dlm hitungan banyak hari lah bukan sedikit hari hehehe..

Abis kalo diarep2 ditunggu2 suka ga nongol2 siiih kan cape ati gitu loh ohohhohhoho..
Dlm beberapa hari ini perut gw membesar secara exponensial. Cpt bgt membesarnya dan jadinya stretchmarkny juga menggila!!!!

Udh pasrah euy, padahal ga gatel, ga pernah digaruk, udh dikasih minyak, tapi kok ya teteep aja ya.... Ah nasib ah :(

Anyway.. let's see how it goes in a few days. Sejujurnya kalo bayi ini keluar minggu ini ato minggu dpn gw rada kawatir jg sih. Soalnya di rmh ga ada sapa2. Cm bedua sama bram. Ibu baru dateng tgl 7 which is msh 12 hari lg, ga ada pembantu juga... *sigh*

So let's hope for the best and keep praying

Counting Weeks (or days?)

2009-11-21T09:22:00.002+08:00

Semalem temen gw Icha lahiran, seharusnya due datenya mah deket2an gw. Dia mestinya tgl 16 gw tgl 20. Jadi ini masih sekitar usia 36wk. Karena kita hamilnya deket2an gw jd deg2an aja. Memang sih tiap bayi beda2, ada yg cpt keluar, ada yg betah lebih lama.

Tp ini jd warning buat gw... "hello wiji... ur time is almost up".

Perasaan gw sekarang antara deg2an, cemas, dan syok. Deg2an soalnya msh bnyk yg kynya blm gw siapin... Msh belanja2, dan baru menyadari masa2 hanimun dan leyeh2 is almost up. Bayangkan saja, gw masih ngider2 nyari stroller.. haha.. msh shopping onlen bli baju menyusui..

Bisa dibilang gw sedikit anxious karena dlm hitungan minggu bahkan hari, hidup gw bakal berubah completely. Sedikit sirik, karena udh keluar bayinya,... hahaha.. dan gw msh menanti. Cuma gw percaya, she will come when it is time for her to come into this world.

Sing sabar.. sing kuat... sing tawakkal...

Minggu 35 going 36

2009-11-17T14:13:00.003+08:00

Udah mau masuk 9bln (klo diitung 1 bln=4minggu :D) jadi semakin was2 dan anticipated. Takut lahirannya telat, takut bayinya kegedean mesti c sect huhuhuhuhu. Tapi kudu optimisssss....

Di minggu kemaren dan minggu ini keluhannya msh mirip2. Suka sakit pinggang euy di kanan kalo duduknya salah posisi (maksudnya menumpukan berat badan di otot2 yg tidak seharusnya). Dari duduk ke berdiri omg bgtlah. Sakit punggung jg klo salah duduk. Mule ga nyaman pisanlah.

Kontraksi palsu juga udah makin sering. Tapi kynya si bayi masih diatas kok blm masuk panggul (alhamd utk sekarang), gw berharap dia br masuk panggul di minggu2 37 an gitu. Menunggu si dokter dateng dari cuti nya yg 2minggu itu kalopun mesti lahiran lbh cpt. Si dokter mau cuti dari mid Nov ini sampe awal Dec. Gw genap 38 minggu tu pas minggu kedua Dec lah.

Yang paling mengganggu adalah rasa2 ngilu di sekitar tempat pipis dibawah lagi. Apalagi klo lg jalan, ngiluuuu mesti diangkat2 perutnya. Meskipun udh pake maternity belt kok berasa ga ngaruh yah *sigh*. Ga selalu ngilu sih, masih comes and goes kok :) jd masih bearable. Sekarang klo ngilu jalannya diusahain santai dan ekstra pelan alhamd lumayan berkurang tuh :D. Si asha sering bgt cegukan terutama abis gw mkn... Tp gw browsing2 ktnya gpp kok. Kontraksi palsu jg sering, klo gw rasanya tuh kenceng trus bagian dalem dkt meki situ kaya ketariiiiik keatas. Ga sakit tp klo pas lg jln ga nyaman bgt rasanya.

Minggu lalu checkup cm ngukur lingkar perut, masih normal kok di usia nyaris 35 minggu itu lingkarnya skitar 34 cm. Si asha gerakannya normal dan masih lumayan sering. Cuma akir2 ini karena udh kebiasa dia gerak2 jg gw diemin aja hahahahaah... Cuma gw suka bingung, ktnya bayi klo denger musik lgsg banyak gerak, tp dia engga tuh.. kalem we... Yang banyak gerak tu klo ibunya laper dan lagi makan ahahaahahaha.. *lucu*.

Minggu dpn baru kontrol lg, tapi disini mah ga seru ya, ga selalu di usg klo kontrol jd ya kontrol biasa aja gitu cm cek2 standar ky ke bidan hihihihi..
Semoga semuanya lancar2 aja sampe lahiran, dan semoga timbangan gw mau berhenti naik huhuhuhu

Learning

2009-11-09T15:25:00.002+08:00

People say learning is an everyday process. I agree that sometimes I learn from the least expected people.
I used to never understand the Javanese principal and behaviour of modesty and "ungguh ungguh". Setting yourself lower than the person that you are talking to. I realize that it is necessary to do that to some people you respect and people that you owe.. like your parents.

My dad is a true Javanese. He sometimes expect me to behave in such a way that I don't know why. But now I know that maybe he deserves it. Not by acting stupid, but being respectful. It is really nice to be treated back nicely after the nice things you have done. Not like you want anything big in return. But small things are also nice and precious. Like asking you how your day went.. saying small thank yous.. share little stories.. Nothing much right? But it's nice.. I really couldn't ask more than that.

The same thing goes for friendship and marriage. Everytime you got help, it would be really nice to say thank you and not just come whenever you need and leave again. Keep in touch once in a while, share little stories... It would be really appreciated.
Then again.. it's all those small things that makes people feel appreciated.. :D

Sebel

2009-11-06T11:08:00.002+08:00

Ah sebel nih... lagi hamil kok ada gitu ya org yg (masih) disebelin bgt. Klo gini terus gmn bisa menjadi ibu hamil ceria bahagia????
Kynya sementara waktu ga ush ketemu ato membayangkan org yg disebelin itu deh. Anggap aja itu org cm sebutir pasir di lautan yg numpang lewat klo dibahas. ahahahaha..

Ah sebeeeellllllll >.<

Minggu ke 33-34

2009-11-06T09:10:00.005+08:00

Jumat lalu tepatnya pas umur 32minggu 4 hari kontrol ke dokter sekalian USG ngeliat perkembangan si bayi. Maklum di NUH USG setelah minggu ke 20 yg wajib cm USG minggu ke 32 :D. Jadi kalo di Indo tiap kontrol ada tuh monitoring berat bayi dll.. disini klo semuanya lancar ya cm 2x USG itu yg wajib. Hasilnya sih alhamdulillah normal... Posisi udh di jalan lahir, beratnya cukuplah.. ga besar ga kecil, kt dokternya mengingat badan gw kecil jd klo mo lahiran normal bayinya kalo bisa ga gede.

Setelah lewat 32 minggu kita disuruh memonitor gerakan bayi, dan dikasih yg namanya fetal movement chart. Minimal mesti ada 10 gerakan sehari, kalo kurang disuruh lapor dan dicek di RS apa yg terjadi.

Minggu ke 33++ ini udh semakin berat aja nih. Stretchmark kok malah kliatan tambah banyak yaa huhuhu.. Udh pake minyak zaitun pdhal, akirnya bli palmers cocoa butter.. alhamdulillah mayan membantu. Kaki makin gampang cape, perut makin gede, badan makin sering pegel2, dan badan jg lebih gampang letih. Trus minggu ini mule ada rasa ky anyang2an gitu, kynya kepala si baby nyundul2 kandung kemih.. omg rasanya ga enak bgt. Perut masih berasa penuuh aja jd intake mknan msh dikit. Ktnya klo baby udh turun baru enak mknnya (dan kynya blm turun sih dianya). Belakangan ini (alhamdulillah) frekuensi ke belakang juga makin sering, alias 2x sehari, jauuuuh lbh baik drpd sembelit kan ya. Kolostrum kadang2 suka keluar, trus ktnya dibersihin pake baby oil aja pentilnya. Klo gw sih pake minyak zaitun karena adanya cuma itu :D.

Ya katanya sih "must stay active" utk mempersiapkan diri buat kelahiran. Tp kata ibu bpk malah ga blh bnyk jalan dgn alasan takutnya brojol sblm waktunya (gmn sih ini -__-).
Herannya setelah lewat bln ke 6 jerawat makin takut nongol, walhasil muka gw bersiiiih bgt. Pdhal dulu setidaknya bagian jidat itu pasti ada brintil2 kecil, selama trimester ketiga ini muluuuuus...

Minggu ini udah mulai siap2in tas buat ke RS dan mule set up nursery dan beli2 barang. Soooo excited!!! Tapi bener2 ya buat jj ke mall cari2 brg tu udh maleeees bgt.. berhubung 2jam jln jg udh pengen pulang. Jadi utk banyak barang yg bisa dibeli onlen ya gw bli onlen. Lumayanlah jd ga pusing kan mikirin gmn cara ngangkut brgnya secara ga punya mobil.

So far udah naek 13 kg. Argh genduuuut... mengingat asha cm 1.97kg. Ashaaa... kok kamu ga makan sih nak???
Anyway... that's it for now. Kontrol berikutnya jumat depan :D. Ga sabar menjalani hari2nya sampe lahiran >.<

Prenatal Massage

2009-10-29T10:50:00.002+08:00

Why would you need a prenatal massage? I can tell you that it helps eases those pains and strains on your bodies, and helps to reduce your water retentions.

I've been doing it since my 5th month. Now past my 8th month I begin to do it more often. The massage lady said it can also helps your breast prepare for your breastfeeding time. She would massage it carefully to break those milk glands. She never touched my tummy though, cos the point of the massage is to ease your body from fatigue, and therefore makes you feel better and relaxed.

How to choose a massage lady? It's quite tough actually, if you go to those massage centres sometimes they offer prenatal and postnatal massage service. They usually will have certificates of trainings. You can trust these ones. If you must choose the individual practices, make sure you ask where she learns to massage, does she knows anatomy etc. If you are not sure, well better to pick the massage centres.

After my 7th month I'm doing it every 2wks. Previously it was every month. Mb later when it gets heavier and my whole body aches... I'll do it every week. Here in Sing, the cheapest one I can get is 40$ per visit (she comes to my house btw). I find her very good and experienced.

Some people think they don't need it, but I personally think we as moms to be need our own indulgence even though we are pregnant. So i personally recommend it for our own sake :D

Trimester Ketiga

2009-10-10T12:35:00.002+08:00

Duh ga kerasa udh tinggal 10 minggu lagi menuju due date....
Antara excited, ga sabar, was was, but I really can't wait until that day comes!!!!

So far everything's been great!!! Braxton hicks contraction klopun ada, alhamdulillah ga berasa. No complications, I can feel the baby has turned upside down now.. Alhamdulillah aktif dan sehat sekali. Si bayi ga rewel, ga nyusahin ibunya.. Alhamdulillahhh....
Pekerjaan di kantor lg santai... Kinerja lg prima.. Alhamdulillahhh...

Perut udh semakin besar. Akhir2 ini utk jalan jauh rasanya kurang nyaman klo ga pake maternity belt. Jadi itu hampir wajib dipake kemanapun perginya :).
Kadang2 udh mule mengkhayal how will that day be.. the day I see her... Will it be natural? Caesarean? Under drugs, or fully sober? Rasanya excited banget lah!

Insya Allah lancar terus sampe hari H. AMiiiiiiiinnn...

Tips2 Berpakaian Ketika Hamil Trimester Pertama dan Kedua

2009-09-10T15:21:00.002+08:00

Trimester pertama...

Kira2 pas minggu ke 5 ke 6, celana2 udah mule ngepas susah diresleting. Tp ini kasusnya beda ya buat tiap orang. Rata2 sih begitu.. Kalo udah begini, celana2 jins dan sejenisnya apalagi yg model jins ketat dan pipa sebaiknya tidak dipakai. Celana kerja yg bahannya dari kain dan ga ketat msh bisa dipakai. Normalnya sih awal2 msh bisa diretsleting tp susah dikancing. Kalaupun udah susah dikancing bisa diakalin dengan make tali ato sejenisnya sebagai pengganti sabuk buat ngencengin si celana biar ga jatoh. Kalo pun udh mule ga nyaman, coba cari celana bahan kaos yg bannya karet sejenis kulot2 gitu. Sebenernya lbh nyaman pake rok. Tp karena saya kurang bisa pakai rok saya harus mencari celana2 nyaman. Kalo anda tidak pakai jilbab, lebih baik mulai beli baju2 model babydoll begitu. Sampai trimester bulan ke 6-7 masih kepake bgt. Kalo anda pakai jilbab dan tidak keberatan ngedobel pake legging, invest di legging yg ga terlalu ketat di bagian karetnya. Kalo ada ukuran beli ukuran L sekalian.
Rata2 baju masih bisa dipakai, tp usahakan pakai yg longgar, terutama di bagian dada. Soalnya pengalaman pribadi sih, msh bisa pake yg ketat bahan stretch tp ga enak di bagian dada. Di trimester pertama jangan terlalu gegabahh beli2 maternity clothes dulu, soalnya nanti biasanya mubazir (pengalaman pribadi). Itu biasanya sampe akir kehamilan msh bisa dipakai. Baju hamil jg ga usah dibeli dulu, sementara stick on what u have.
Untuk beberapa wanita, mereka mule merasa cup bh ato lingkar dada semakin membesar. Nah daripada gegabah membeli bh2 ukuran besar baru, lbh baik pakai dulu yg lama tapi bli extension bra strap. Bisa ditanya di toko2 bh ato counter2 bh. Nanti kalo cup udh makin terasa sesek, baru mulai bli bh baru. Saran saya sih, beli yg ga ada underwire. Meski ada orang yg lbh nyaman pake underwire, buat saya pribadi underwire itu menekan dan ga nyaman ketika hamil.
Untuk anda2 yg seblm hamil ukuran BHnya udah besar, coba cari di Marks and Spencer. Saya sebelum hamil pake 34B besar (kalo merek laen udah pake C tuh) ketika hamil saya bli 36B nya MnC dan masih kepake bgt sampe trimester ketiga ini.
Untuk celana dalam utk tiap ibu hamil beda2, ada bbrp yg lebih suka celana dalam tinggi ada yg suka celana dalam midi. Jadi jgn langsung ngeborong celana dalam tinggi yg nutupin perut. Belum tentu anda suka. Jadi bisa saja membeli celana dalam midi biasa dan kalau bisa pakailah yg bahannya katun stretch gitu dan beli ukuran yg lbh besar dari yg anda pakai sekarang.

Trimester kedua

Kalau anda seperti saya, perut membuncit dengan cepat, di trimester kedua ini mulai berasa kalo celana2 kain yg tadinya bisa dipake udah ga bisa diretsleting. Nah di masa ini udah saatnya anda shopping buat celana hamil! Saya sudah mencoba berbagai macam celana hamil.. dan yg menurut saya paling oke adalah celana hamil dengan ban perut. Yang banyak dijual di toko2 itu yg model ada kain tambahan di bag perut dan nutupin perut. Saya pribadi kurang suka karena panas dan bikin perut keliatan lbh gede dari aslinya. Jadi kurang nyaman aja. Kalopun anda tipe yg suka celana2 skinny dan sejenisnya, beli yg bhnnya bener2 enak, soalnya selama hamil pakaian ketat2 begitu bener2 ga nyaman. Kalo anda sempet beli leggings dan sejenisnya dan ukurannya ckp besar, serta bhnnya enak, pada trimester ini masih kepake. :D
Baju babydoll kalo anda sempet nyetok, masih kepake banget di trimester kedua ini. Jadi jangan kawatir, baju hamil yg besar2 itu mgkn baru kepake di akhir trimester terakir. Jadi jangan buru2 beli dulu...
Di trimester kedua ini ukuran cup BH biasanya udah berubah. Udah saatnya anda mule invest membeli ukuran BH yg lebih besar. Beli saja ukuran anda sekarang (di trimester kedua ini), pengalaman saya, sampai trimester ketiga ukurannya ga akan jauh berbeda, cm lingkar dadanya yg bertambah terus. Belinya juga ga usah terlalu banyak, 4 ato 5 buah cukup.
Di trimester kedua boleh mulai invest membeli maternity belt atau sejenis tummy support. Biasanya baru kepake awal trimester terakir ato akhir trimester kedua.

Untuk trimester ketiga nanti ya kalo saya udah melahirkan saya update lagi hihihi.. Sementara, have fun with ur pregnancy and stay gorgeous darling!

When I Thought I Got It Tough

2009-08-26T11:48:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought everything was getting better, it fell apart again. After my first trimester everything was much better. But I wasn't that lucky haha.. I had the CTS that makes me rest for whole week, and last week I was spotting again for the whole week now I'm taking rest.
My boss scolded me so many times because of my sloppy work, and he is really unhappy about me taking sick leaves again.

At first I felt terrible and trying so hard to make it better. I think I got stressed out for one point of time worrying what he would think of me. Maybe he thought I made things up just to take sick leaves and laze around at home. But then again who likes this worrisome feeling if something is wrong with your baby?? Not everyone has an easy pregnancy and I definitely am not making things up. I kept on asking why does it have to be so difficult for me....Everyone else can have an easy one, why can't I?

But after I thought it thru, it is not how easy or not ur pregnancy is.. It is how u deal with it.. If people are misunderstanding my situation, I know I wasn't wrong and I know I did the right thing. It is better to be misunderstood now than regret it later. Sometimes when u think the worst thing is yet to come... the best thing emerges. I just have to keep my faith, be brave, and be careless for the time being. I know I made some mistakes but I'll try my best to fix it.

20 Weeks

2009-08-04T22:07:00.003+08:00

And I thought my suffering was finally over.. NOOOOO.. it's just new challenges for me all over agaiiinn...
I think such a thing so called "easy pregnancy" should considered a gift to anyone who receives it. It was never easy.. that's why there's a saying, "heaven is under ur mother's feet".

I began having this tingling numb sensation in my fingers last week. It came on and off.. until yesterday, i can feel my HANDS tingling and numb. SO i panicked. It turns out it could be as simple as water retention.. and could lead to as bad as pre eclampsia. It turns out also.. not everyone has the tendency to have it. Just some people (like moi)...

Some people have the privilege of eating almost anything they want and the pregnancy continues as usual. Some people like me.. have to really watch wat to eat and exercise more.. Life is so unfair??? Tell me about it..

But I guess it's a different thing for each pregnant ladies. They all have their own challenges that they must face... Know what u are capable of and knowing ur body best is the best way to go. THe most important thing is: be brave.. and just let it all happen while taking precaution. I am sure God tries us once in a while to make us stronger.. and boy, aren't we women the strongest living thing in the world!

Water Retention

2009-08-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

(source: www.ehow.com)

Preeclampsia, toxemia and other pregnancy disorders can be frustrating because so little is known medically about what causes them or what can be done to treat them. I endured severe swelling, headaches and other preeclampsia symptoms in my first pregnancy, but managed to avoid them in my second. If you are struggling with the symptoms of preeclampsia or toxemia (swelling...especially of the face and hands, headaches, high blood pressure, rapid unexplained weight gain, etc.) then here is the "unofficial guide" to beating preeclampsia or toxemia.

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Willingness to Try

Step 1

Limit Your Salt Intake
The medical community is divided as to whether or not sodium intake has anything to do with the development of preeclampsia or toxemia. But I can tell you that in my experience it was the single biggest factor in helping me to avoid preeclampsia the second time around. During my first pregnancy I ate normal amounts of food and the same amount of salt that I always had (which was a normal amount...I almost never add salt to my food for taste.) And during that first pregnancy I had VERY severe swelling and water retention. During my second pregnancy I actively cut down on my intake of salty foods (especially thing like cured meats, french fries, chips, etc.) I noticed a huge difference. In fact, when I DID have a salty meal or snack during my second pregnancy I would wake up the next morning with a little swelling in my face. This just confirmed my suspicion that cutting down on salt was making a big difference in my health and the health of my coming baby.
Step 2

SIT...STAND...LIE DOWN...REPEAT!
Pregnant women experience twice the blood flow throughout their bodies of non-pregnant women. They also tend to retain water. This extra fluid will pool in the body when a person remains in one position. So try to switch your position at least every half hour or so. If you work at an office, get up and walk around, take breaks, stretch, etc. If you are on your feet alot, try to sit down for at least five to ten minutes at a time every half hour. Also make a point to lie on your left side for several minutes throughout the day. All these things will help to keep blood and fluid from pooling in your body causing swelling.
Step 3

EXCERCISE!
Study after study shows that women who exercise regularly throughout pregnancy have fewer complications than those who don't. This was certainly true for me. Even though I was almost 10 years younger during my first pregnancy than my second, I stayed in much better shape and had fewer complications during the second pregnancy. I think a lot of this had to do with regular exercise. And it doesn't have to be alot. I swam, walked, or played tennis only three times per week, but it made a huge difference.
Step 4

Drink Plenty of Fluids and Stay Regular
Drinking fluids and eating fiber to stay regular can help you avoid retaining water. When waste is backed up in your body it can cause swelling and water retention. It is important to stay regular by eating plenty of fiber and drinking plenty of fluids. (Do not take laxatives when pregnant without consulting your doctor first.)

Week 19

2009-07-26T22:22:00.002+08:00

This is the end of week 19 for me. On the 11th of Aug I will do my detail scan to determine sex of the baby and see the baby's organs.

The past 8 weeks was alhamdulillah passed without any significant trouble. I'm starting to get back on my own feet now. Days passed by with busy days at work.

I try my best to be a happy and sincere pregnant mom. I try not to complain too much, do as much as I can, and not use my baby for an excuse as long as I can still do it. The funny thing is, all my nausea passed right when I needed it. After my boss scolded me for so many sick leave I took, somehow it gets better. I told my baby that we have to work to survive and that I have responsibilities too. I don't know how true it is that babies can understand the moms, but it seems that it does understand.

One of my friend is also pregnant now.. she keeps calling the baby naughty cos it moves alot. Well.. that's just the way they are right? Move alot? If they move it's a good sign... I don't think u should call the baby "names".. cos they might come out exactly like you describe it. Even so, I still can't feel its movement. Maybe I'm just too insensitive... or my sac is just too big. hahaha.. Sometimes I talk to it.. and it seems to help me to calm down at times. I like rubbing it for no specific reason. hahahaha...

I know I look fat, but it's beautiful.. and very proud to show people I'm having a baby... Some say it's a girl, some say it's a boy. I don't mind either one. But the dad prefers a girl... :D. They say it looks like a girl cos I look very fresh and my tummy is round.. But some say it's a boy cos the tummy is big and I am unbelievably cool and careless during my pregnancy and my first trimester suffering was very short. I actually don't have a feeling of what it is. I just hope it's gonna be a sholeh and strong kid. I'm trying to be one nowadays... I'm not sure how it will impact my kid someday, but I believe that when a mom is pregnant, somehow wat it feels, wat it is, is strongly connected to the baby. So mom taught us how to be a person before we were even born...

Perubahan Tubuh di Trimester Kedua

2009-07-17T17:29:00.001+08:00

Di trimester kedua ini perut anda akan mulai kelihatan membesar dan dunia luar akan menyadari kalau anda akan menjadi calon ibu baru. Trimester kedua dianggap sebagai masa kehamilan yang terbaik sebab anda akan merasa lebih nyaman saat ini. Perut anda belum terlalu besar anda masih dapat melakukan aktifitas sehari-hari, dimana Rasa mual, lemas, dan keluhan lainnya pada trimester pertama akan hilang, bahkan anda merasa lebih energik saat ini.

Beberapa perubahan yang terjadi pada kehamilan trimester kedua (13-28 minggu):

PERUT SEMAKIN MEMBESAR
Setelah 12 minggu, rahim membesar dan melewati rongga panggul. Pembesaran rahim akan bertumbuh sekitar 1 cm setiap minggu. Pada kehamilan 20 minggu bagian teratas rahim sejajar dengan puser (umbilicus). Setiap individu akan berbeda-beda tapi kebanyakan wanita akan mulai tampak pembesaran perutnya pada kehamilan 16 minggu.

SENDAWA DAN BUANG ANGIN
Pada trimester ini anda akan bersendawa atau ingin buang angina/kentut pada saat yang tidak seharusnya---jangan bingung---anda tak sendirian mengalami masalah ini.
Sendawa dan buang angina adalah keluhan yang paling sering selama kehamilan. Hal ini karena usus merengang dan anda akan merasa kembung.
Atasi dengan jangan makan dalam jumlah besar akan membuang anda kembung dan tak nyaman, dan hindari makanan yang menyebabkan banyak gas seperti jagung, permen, bawang merah.

PELUPA
Pada beberapa ibu hamil akan menjadi sedikit pelupa selam kehamilannya, Ada beberapa teori tentang hal ini karena tubuh ibu terus bekerja berlebihan untuk perkembangan bayinya sehingga menimbulkan blok pikiran.
Tak perlu terpengaruh dengan hal ini ---sediakan catatan kecil unutk membantu anda. Dan beristirahalah sedapat mungkin.

RASA NYERI DI ULU HATI
Rasa panas atau terbakar didada bagian bawah atau perut bagian atas tapi tidak ada hubunganya dengan jantung. Hal ini karena asam lambung naik ke kerongkongan. Perasaan ini timbul pada wanita hamil pada trimester kedua ini, hal ini karena hormone progesterone meningkat yang menyebabkan relaksasi dari otot saluran cerna dan juga karena rahim yang semakin membesar yang mendorong bagian atas perut, sehingga mendorong asam lambung naik ke kerongkongan.

Nilai positif dari relaksasi otot saluaran cerna adalah gerakan makanan menjadi lebih lambat sehingga nutrisi terserap lebih banyak.

Atasi dengan jangan makan dalam jumlah besar terutama sebelum mau tidur. Jauhi makanan yang pedas, berminyak dan berlemak. Waktu tidur malam tinggikan posisi kepala anda sehingga asam lambung tak dapat naik ke esophagus.

PERTUMBUHAN RAMBUT DAN KUKU
Perubahan hormonal menyebabkan kuku akan tumbuh lebih kuat dan tumbuh rambut lebih banyak dan kadang tumbuh ditempat yang tidak diinginkan seperti diwajah atau perut. Tapi tak perlu kuatir rambut yang tak semestinya ini akan hilang setelah bayi lahir

SAKIT DI PERUT BAGIAN BAWAH
Pada kehamilan 18-24 minggu anda akan merasakan nyeri diperut bagian bawah yang seperti ditusuk atau seperti tertarik disatu atau dua sisi, hal ini karena perenggangan ligamentum dan otor unutk menahan rahim yang semakin membesar.
Nyeri hanya sebentar dan tak menetap.
Atasi dengan duduk atau berbaring dengan posisi yang nyaman.

PUSING
Pusing menjadi keluhan yang sering selama kehamilan trimester kedua ini hal ini dapat terjadi ketika pembesaran dari rahim anda menekan pembuluh darah besar sehingga menyebabkan tekanan darah menurun.

Atasi denga melakukan perpindahan posisi pelahan lahan atau bertahap untuk menghindari perubahan tekanan darah yang mendadak.

MENDENGKUR
Peningkatan aliran darah selama kehamilan akan menyebabkan sesak dan pembengkakan membrane mukosa yang menimbulkan mendengkur saat tidur.

HIDUNG DAN GUSI BERDARAH
Hal ini juga karena peningkatan aliran darah selama masa kehamilan. Kadang juga mengalami sumbatan pada hidung hal ini karena perubahan hormonal.

PERUBAHAN KULIT
Garis kecoklatan mulai dari puser (umbilicus) ke tulang pubis disebut linea nigra.
Kecoklatan pada wajah disebut chloasma atau topeng kehamilan, ini dapat menjadi petunjuk kurang asam folat.
Strecth mark terjadi karena perengangan kulit yang berlebih biasanya pada perut dan payudara.
Akibat perengangan kulit ini anda dapat merasa gatal.

PAYUDARA
Payudara akan semakin membesar dan mengeluarkan cairan yang kekuningan yang disebut colostrums. Putting dan sekitarnya akan semakin bewarna gelap dan besar dan bintik-bintik kecil akan timbul disekitar putting, itu adalah kelenjar kulit..

KRAM PADA KAKI
Kram otot ini timbul karena sirkulasi darah yang lebih lambat saat kehamilan. Atasi dengan menaikkan kaki keatas, minum cukup kalsium. Bila anda terkena kram kaki ketika duduk atau saat tidur, coba untuk menggerakan jari-jari kaki kearah atas.

PEMBENGKAKAN SEDIKIT
Pembengkakan adalah kondisi normal pada kehamilan, hampir 40 % wanita hamil mengalaminya.
Hal ini karena peningkatak hormone yang menahan cairan.
Pada trimester kedua ini akan tampak sedikit pembengkakan pada wajah, kaki , tangan.
Hal ini sering karena posisi duduk atau berdiri yang terlalu lama.

MERASAKAN GERAKAN BAYI ANDA
Pada kehamilan minggu ke 15-22 anda akan mulai merasakan gerakan bayi anda yang awalnya akan terasa seperti kibasan, tetapi di akhir trimester ini, anda akan benar-benar merasakan pergerakan bayi anda. Pada ibu yang baru pertama kali sering tidak dapat mengenali gerakan bayinya sampai minggu ke 19-22.

© Dr.Suririnah- www.infoibu.com

List Perlengkapan Bayi buat Calon2 Ibu :D

2009-07-16T11:53:00.001+08:00

Diambil dari artikel AyahBunda:

Ternyata tak semua yang ditawarkan di toko perlu dibeli.
Berburu perlengkapan bayi sebaiknya dilakukan 1-2 bulan sebelum kelahiran, saat kondisi ibu masih kuat untuk bepergian. Buatlah daftar keperluan yangdibutuhkan bayi baru lahir hingga 3 bulan ke depan.

Untuk ibu jangan lupa, yaitu alat memerah ASI. Tak semuanya harus baru. Barang lama yang kondisinyamasih baik, tak ada salahnya digunakan lagi, sepertibaju, perlengkapan mandi, tempat tidur, kereta dorong,dan lain-lain. Toh, barang-barang tersebut tidak terpakai lama. Yang penting, semuanya dicuci bersih dahulu sebelum digunakan. Tindakan ini juga dapat
memangkas dana lumayan besar.

Berbelanjalah di pusat grosir karena harga grosir pasti lebih murah. Namun, tak perlu membeli baju atau popok terlalu banyak untuk bulan-bulan pertama, karena pertumbuhan bayi cepat sekali. Di usia 4 bulan, biasanya popok dan baju bayi kecil sudah tidak muat lagi.

Cuci semua barang-barang, baik baju, popok, handuk, dan lain-lain yang baru dibeli. Daripada menggunakan detergen, gunakan sabun bayi yang lembut. Sebagian bayi ternyata alergi terhadap pewangi, detergen, dan kamper yang digunakan pada pakaian. Keringkan dan
kemudian setrika.

PERLENGKAPAN BAYI (untuk usia 0-3 bulan)
* 2 lusin popok kain
* 1/2 lusin gurita (tidak wajib dibeli, kalaupun
dibeli hanya digunakan sebentar saat tali pusat belum
terlepas)
* 1 lusin celana panjang bayi (1/2 lusinnya dengan
model seperti stoking atau tanpa lubang di bawah)
* 1 lusin celana kacamata
* 1/2 lusin baju tangan panjang
* 1/2 lusin baju tangan pendek
* 1/2 lusin baju tanpa lengan
* 1/2 lusin sarung tangan dan kaki (tidak dibeli tidak apa-apa)
* 1 lusin kain flanel atau bedongan (hanya digunakan sebentar, misalnya sehabis mandi untuk menghangatkantubuh)
* 2 lusin alas tidur
* 1/2 lusin kaus dalam (untuk daerah dengan cuaca panas tidak selalu diperlukan)
* 6 celana tahan air/popok plastik untuk pelapis popok kain
* 1 pasang sepatu bayi
* 2 tadah liur
* 1 baju hangat
* 2 topi

PERLENGKAPAN TIDUR
* 1 boks (boleh memakai yang bekas) dan kasurnya (harus baru)
* 1 perlak tidur
* 4 seprei boks
* 1 bumper panjang (penahan benturan di pinggiran boks bayi)
* 1 kelambu
* 1 bantal tipis
* 1 pasang baby monitor (kalau ibu sehari-hari berdua saja dengan bayi di rumah)

PERLENGKAPAN MANDI
* 1 bak mandi khusus untuk bayi (boleh bekas)
* 1 antislip bak mandi (boleh bekas)
* 1 sikat lidah (bisa diganti dengan kain kasa yang dililitkan di telunjuk ibu)
* 3 waslap
* 1 baskom kecil
* 1 perlak mandi
* 2 buah handuk bayi (bulunya lembih lembut dibandingkan handuk untuk orang dewasa)
* Sabun bayi
* Sampo bayi yg tidak pedih di mata
* Krim untuk ruam popok
* Kapas steril
* 1 sisir khusus bayi

PERLENGKAPAN PENDUKUNG
* 1-2 selimut luar untuk bayi dibawa keluar
* 1 kain gendongan
* 1 gunting kuku khusus bayi
* Hair lotion
* Baby oil
* Bedak dan wadahnya
* Minyak telon
* Alkohol 70%
* Cotton bud
* Kasa steril
* 1 Termometer
* Kapas gulung
* Kapas bulat (dapat dibuat sendiri dari kapas gulung)
* 2 Jemuran gantung
* 1 Wadah popok kotor
* 1 Lemari pakaian bayi

PERLENGKAPAN UNTUK PERGI
* 1 Kereta dorong (boleh bekas asalkan kondisinya terutama sistem kemudinya masih sangat baik)
* 1 Kursi mobil (boleh bekas asalkan Anda tahu riwayatnya, bukan bekas kecelakaan)
* 1 Alat gendong bayi (boleh bekas) jika tak ada kereta
* 1 Tas pakaian (boleh memakai yang bekas)

PERLENGKAPAN IBU HABIS BERSALIN
* 1 Stagen
* 4 Gurita
* 2 Kain panjang
* 4 BH menyusui
* 8-10 Bungkus pembalut isi 12 (sebaiknya dengan berbagai ukuran, karena menjelang 40 hari darah nifas sudah jauh lebih sedikit)
* 1¬2 Dus breast pad (dipakai hanya jika Anda ke luar rumah)
* 1 Breast pump (pilih model dengan katup udara yang cara kerjanya adalah mengisap dan mengendur)
* 6 Baju kancing depan untuk menyusui

Utami Sri Rahayu. Foto: Agus & Ferdi/nakita
Konsultan Ahli: Dewi Shinta Rumpakawati, Amd.Keb.,dari Yayasan Panti Rahardja Hospital, Jakarta

PENTING!
Harga keperluan bayi yang berkualitas tidaklah murah.
Jika Anda ingin berhemat, manfaatkan bursaperlengkapan bekas bayi yang bisa diintip melaluisitus internet atau iklan baris di media massa. Teman dan keluarga biasanya dengan senang hati menjual murah barang-barang bekas bayi mereka yang sudah tidak terpakai, seperti boks dan kursi makan (high chair) atau memberikan barang-barang kecil lainnya dalam rangka "cuci gudang".

* Jangan membeli babywalker. Empat ribu anak setiap tahun cedera dalam kecelakaan dengan babywalker.

* Tak perlu membeli baby tafel atau changing table karena bayi yang sudah bisa berguling rawan terjatuh dari meja itu. Lebih aman, gelarlah matras kecil di lantai.
* Tidak masalah bayi Anda memakai baju atau selimut lungsuran dari bayi lain asalkan penampilannya masih baik. Jangan lupa cuci dulu baju dan selimut itu dengan sabun yang lembut.
* Anda boleh membeli atau menerima mainan bekas dari kain selama mainan itu bisa dicuci tangan atau mesin. Mainan plastik bekas pun perlu dicuci dulu kalau Anda tidak yakin dengan kebersihannya.

Pregnancy is not easy

2009-05-31T15:29:00.002+08:00

Being pregnant is one thing. Staying pregnant for 9months is a bit more tricky. Many things can happen throughout your pregnancy. Some get miscarriages, ectopic pregnancy, etc. Some people carry on smoothly without any problems whatsoever throughout. It depends on the person and it depends on God's will.

I just learned that my friend has had a blighted ovum. I searched the internet and found it here http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/blighted-ovum/AN00418

"A blighted ovum is a cause of early pregnancy loss. It occurs when a fertilized egg develops a placenta and membrane but no embryo — often due to chromosomal abnormalities in the fertilized egg. A blighted ovum usually occurs in the first few weeks of pregnancy, often before a woman even knows she's pregnant.

With a blighted ovum, a woman may miss a period and have a positive pregnancy test. This is because the placenta secretes human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), a pregnancy hormone. Symptoms of early pregnancy — such as fatigue and breast tenderness — are possible as well. But when the placenta stops growing and hormone levels decrease, the pregnancy symptoms subside. At this point, minor abdominal cramping and light spotting or bleeding are possible. An ultrasound will show an empty gestational sac."

I remembered that during my first few weeks of pregnancy I experienced almost the same thing. I was having light spottings for 2 days, then when my uterus was scanned we can only see the sac, no baby yet. I was 5wks + pregnant. Then the doctor told me that it might still be too small to see. He told me to go back in a week time. I really didnt know what to expect. Other than the fact that the pregnancy was too sudden for me, I am also totally blind about the whole pregnancy thing. What is normal and what is not. So I searched up online to find out about what might happen to me. Some say it's common, mostly say check up with the gynae immediately. It could be as simple as uterus expanding, the effect of the embryo sticking to the uterus wall etc, or could be as bad as sign of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy. But I didn't find such things as blighted ovum.

Thankfully, blissfully, and miraculuously, we can see it the next week. Despite what happened to me, despite all my worries and despite of everything, on 6wks + it showed up.. and we could see the heart beating slowly then. Now i'm thinking.. if God wanted it.. the baby wouldn't show up. It would just be an empty sac inside my womb. Then I wouldn't be carrying it now.

I am in my 12 wks now and I've been spotting again two times since then and so far it is still going strong and healthy. The heartbeat was strong, and it is moving actively inside. I think this baby is a real survivor. Despite all my lack of knowledge, my unpreparedness, my selfishness, and my body condition, it still survives. I hope it keeps on fighting inside for its life, and survives until the day we meet :)

End of week 11

2009-05-30T08:58:00.004+08:00

My tummy is bulging.. I feel fat.. my breast feels more swollen.. My migraine keeps getting worse.. and my moodswing is on the rising. I feel sinister... OMG!

Yesterday I went to see the new doc in NUH. Dr. Su Lin Lin. She's much more thorough and patient and she speaks slower.. She answers all my question attentively and listened to all my complaints. She looks quite young though. I think I'm better off with her. We did another scan again, this time not the internal USG (thank God). The baby is big enough to see thru the external USG. It was 4cm long.. We can see the big head, and the limbs are still forming. Then I heard the heartbeat using the doppler's equipment (or something like tat). It was 2x faster than our own heartbeat, and it bounced by itself! up and down.. Seems like it knows we were looking it.

It was amazing, knowing there's someone else inside me rite now. I couldn't even believe it's in there. Amazing how God creates us from nothing to something.. SUbhanallah..

I'm going to do my Down syndrome's test in another 2wks time. I hope my baby is doing fine down there. I hope it takes whatever it needs from me. I hope I'm wise enough to pick what's good for us :D.

End of Wk 10

2009-05-26T10:19:00.002+08:00

Di akir minggu ke 10 gw udh merasa much2 better. Banyak yg nanya gw ngidam apa.. Ga ada sih, tapi gw jd suka yg pedas2. Kalo ga pedes tu serasa kurang poll gitu pas mkn. Muntah2 udah gak. Morning sickness, afternoon sickness, evening sickness udah ga ada. Gas di perut gw jg udh mulai berkurang banyak. Cuma emang sampe sekarang kapasitas perut gw masih kecil, alias sekali intake ga bisa langsung bnyk. Jd emang meal time gw mesti dibagi 2.

Cuma emang setelah sicknesses lewat gw lebih cepet cape, gampang ngantuk dan gampang pusing. Stamina gw masih rendah.. Jalan dikit nguap... ahahahah..
Trus ada 1 lg kelainan gw.. biasanya baju lecek kan gw cuek. Akir2 ini ngantor teh bajunya mesti rapi ga boleh ada spot2 aneh di baju. -___-. Kelainan gw yg satu lg... lately I looove my husband very much. ahahaha.. I think my baby will love him this much after it comes out.

Moodswing kalo lg cape ato membahas sesuatu yg gw ga setuju. Jadi gampang marah2. Trus ga suka sm org2 yg terlalu mengumbar cinta2an. OMG. Ga sukanya tu yg ga suka bgt.
Dua minggu lagi genap 3bln. Alhamdulillah so far so good.

Rasanya Hamil

2009-05-17T09:36:00.002+08:00

Gimana ya rasanya hamil? Kadang merasa menderita, kadang merasa hopeless (ini mah baby blues ya), kadang merasa setengah ga percaya, kadang merasa takut kenapa2. Yang jelas, badan terasa seperti dikuasai alien. Makanan yang dulu suka sekarang engga, yg dulu benci sekarang suka, dikit dikit muntah, dan kalo diusg ada makhluk laen di perut. hahahahaahaha... Gampang lemes, gampang cape, badan suka berubah2, mood apalagi...

Ada yg bilang kalo ada yg ga disuka ga boleh terlalu dipikirin, ato dibayangin. Tp atuhlah susahhh... Klo ngliat aja otak udh ngasi sinyal2 ga suka ya udah deh. Di trimester pertama invasi makhluk baru ini berasa bgt. Tar udh masuk trimester kedua kita ktnya perlahan terbiasa dengan adanya si makhluk baru ini. Dia bahkan ikut makan bareng tar. hahahaha...

Tapi salut sih buat ibu2 kebanyakan yg menghadapi mual2 ini sbg sesuatu yg exciting. Klo buat gw pribadi sih pengennya mual2 ini cpt berlalu lah. Mengganggu bgt soalnya. Tp mgkn emang ini pertanda yg diberikan si tubuh supaya slow down. Mungkin emang udh saatnya gw istirahat sejenak dari hiruk pikuk dunia luar and just stay home and rest. Wiken yg biasanya waktu gw jln2 sekarang jadi waktu gw tidur... mlm hari after office hour yg biasanya gw bisa klayapan skrg jd wkt gw tidur juga.

Kynya sebenernya gw sedikit mengerti sih.. Kenapa artis2, dan org2 yg biasa clubbing itu setelah menikah DAN pny anak susah melepas gaya hidupnya. Karena ya emang susah. Maksudnya, why can't we have our own life? Kalo diajak tmn2 gini dan gitu, mesti ditolak dgn alasan mesti jaga anak.. Trus tar plg2 mereka cerita2 we are missing this and that. Sedih kan? It takes time I guess, and maturity to accept that life gotta change after we have kids.

First Child

2009-05-16T10:23:00.000+08:00

Some people used to say that first child is a "trial". hahahahaha.. THEY ARE WRONG.

First child determines everything. First pregnancy is what everyone has been waiting for. They waited for months and months to come. Just waiting for that moment when menses don't come. Then first baby, they are treated with the best doctors, the most expensive and safest way of delivery.

First pregnancy also determines the characteristics of the womb itself. Is it weak, healthy, strong. It also determines how fertile you are. If your first child comes easy, strong probability that the rest will come easy as well.

First child determines everything. They eases parents' worries, they are the answer of everyone's hope. First child worries you so when it's in your womb, when they grow up, etc.

So people... if you are the first child, pls remember that you are where your family rest hopes on. If you turn out not as good as the second one, you are still the heart of the family :D

Night Sickness

2009-05-16T10:13:00.000+08:00

Yang bener2 gw sadari adalah, jam mabok gw mulai bergeser. Dari mabok2 di pagi hari, sekarang bergeser ke sore menjelang mlm. Itu masa2 terparah gw mabok. Sebenernya gak ada bedanya jg sih ya.. toh masih ada gitu mabok2nya gw teh. Napsu mkn masih minim, apalagi mlm hari. Pagi hari jg napsu mkn gw jelek tp ga seburuk mlm hari lah. Siang tu adalah kesempatan gw utk mkn bnyk.

So far mknan yg suka gw makan ga bnyk berubah. Gw tetep prefer ikan drpd lauk2 lainnya. Cuma sekarang mendengar nama ayam tu rasanya udh mual duluan. Daging jg klo harumnya terlalu gurih gw ga demen. Tapi herannya gw suka makanan India! :"D. Baunya tu bikin gw napsu mkn. Anakku anak bollywood kah? hahahaha..

Mungkin namanya jg mesti sedikit meng-india kali ya. ihihihihihihi

Sacrifices

2009-05-15T09:26:00.000+08:00

Wat does mommy have to sacrifice to bear a baby? Most fun things. Like going on dangerous rides.. going on slides.. taking on pain killers.. sleep late.. go out until it's late.. watch movies in the cinemas.. going on a "sudden" vacation.. shop til I drop... hang out with friends etc etc.

All for 1 new life to be born to this world. Who says life is cheap? It's expensive.. I paid for it with almost all the fun things I dear most. Then maybe my mom also paid for my life with things she deared most.

Maybe that's why heaven is below mom's feet. The suffering they have to go through on that 9months. Pregnancy doesn't always come easy for everyone. Some have problems along the way, some have prolonged sickness, and they do feel tired. Imagine you have to do everything and still carrying their child and still making sure they "eat" properly.
I believe only women can do these things. It's what they are made of :D

Ibu yg Bersyukur

2009-05-13T19:32:00.001+08:00

Seiring dengan bertambahnya usia janin saya... saya semakin merasa bersyukur diberi kepercayaan secepat ini oleh Allah. Semakin banyak saya melihat sekeliling saya semakin saya merasa sangat bersyukur.

Meskipun di awal2 saya merasa sedikit jengah dan terkungkung oleh keadaan baru ini. Gerakan dan aktivitas saya terhambat karena tuntutan dari sang bayi dan tuntutan fisik saya yg jg sedang menyesuaikan diri. Terus terang, buat saya yg baru menikah dan sejujurnya blm pny rencana apa2 buat si buah hati kadang merasa cukup berat utk melepas kehidupan "lajang" sebelumnya. Sang suami jg begitu. Namun sedikit2 kami mulai menyesuaikan diri, kalau bahwasanya dengan ini smua akan berubah. Kami bkn lagi yg paling penting di perputaran dunia kami.

Seiring dengan waktu saya mulai menikmati proses kehamilan ini. Mulai dari muntah2, mencari makanan yg bisa dimakan, bergerak perlahan, sensitif terhadap bau2an, fisik melemah. Menurut saya begitu menakjubkan seorang manusia bisa didorong sejauh ini demi sebuah kehidupan baru.
Wallahu alam ya...

Belum lagi melihat begitu banyak org di sekitar saya yg begitu ingin punya anak dan sudah mencoba berbagai cara untuk hamil. Ada yg menunggu 3 thn, 2 thn, dst dst. Ada yg blm berhasil jg sampe sekarang. Intinya mah usaha ekstra demi mendapatkan anak. Maklum tuntutan lingkungan dan keluarga pastinya cukup menekan. Stress juga kan pasti.. Apalagi melihat tmn2nya satu persatu mulai dapet momongan. Yang namanya wanita pasti sisi keibuannya keluar.

Oleh karena itu.. saya rasa saya harus lebih jaga diri, fisik dan mental. Banyak2 berdoa... jaga gizi makan dsb dsb. Supaya si anak yg dititipkan Allah bisa jadi anak yg sholeh dan berbakti.

Minggu ke 8

2009-05-12T12:29:00.000+08:00

Sebenernya sering bgt pengen posting cm ngumpulin niat teh ternyata susah pisan.. Hari ini ga ngantor lagi gara2 semalem demam. Udh ga demam lg sih... tapi emang kynya mesti istirahat. Gw jg ga ngerti ini maksudnya bawaan bayi apa emang gw nya aja sih yg manja? Dr sblm hamil gw jg udh manja sih, alias gampang sakit. HIdup gw mesti ditopang suplemen nan banyak.

Tapi klo udh begini, ga enak sm orang kantor gara2 gw sering bgt cuti sakit. Aneh bgt ga sih kaya cari2 alasan. Gw emang rada memanjakan tubuh gw sih.. Tp sialnya klo wiken sering berasa sehat2 aja.. Berarti kynya ini pertanda gw mulai ga enjoy bekerja di tmpt itu. Gw bahkan berpikir mo cuti 1 thn ato kluar sekalian dari kantor gw ini. Soalnya emang gw udah ga enjoy. Gw takut sm bos gw, gw merasa bos gw ga suka sm gw dll dll.

Apalagi setelah gw hamil, perasaan itu makin menjadi2. Makin sensitif aja perasaan gw. Trus gw jg mule sensi diomongin kanan kiri, yg gw lemah lah, yg gw ga bisa jaga diri lah.. huhuhuhuhuhuhu. Sedih klo dipikirin. Gw mesti lebih jaga dirilah berarti... Tapi kadang suka berasa ditarik2 kanan kiri. Gw pengen dikira kuat, tapi klo gw maksa malah jd sakit2an begini :(. Berarti emang sepantasnya gw strict sm diri sendiri dan orang laen. Demi si bayi.... dan demi gw sendiri juga.

Saya Hamil.

2009-04-30T17:00:00.000+08:00

30-Apr-09

Baiklah sepertinya saya harus bikin jurnal kehamilan nih.

Recap kejadian yg sudah berlalu ya...

18-Apr-09
Saya ke bandung bli sensitif, ituu cm 20rebuan boook. Hasilnya masih positif. Sayapun positif blg ke smua org saya hamil.

20-Apr-09
Saya ke dokter umum minta mc soalnya migren ga karuan. Dites hamil, positif lagi. Dikasih mc 2hari.

21-APr-09
Keluar brownish spotting. Panik lgsg ke A&E NUH. Dr situ discan2 ga kliatan apa2 kec kantongnya. Langsung dirujuk ke ginekolog disuruh dtg 2 hr kemudian.

23-Apr-09
Kunjungan pertama ke ginekolog. DIscan lg blm kliatan apa2. Huhuhuhu. Baru kantong sm eggyolknya. Kemungkinan karena kekecilan. Disuruh dateng seminggu lagi.

30-Apr-09
Kunjungan kedua ke ginekolog. Alhamdulillah si utun udh kliatan.. br 6mm panjangnya. Tp subhanallah jantungnya sudah berdetak. :D. Organ2nya sudah mule terbentuk. Cm baru kliatan ky cacing dlm kantong.
Tapi senang sekalii.. setidaknya si bayi ada di tempat yg tepat, berkembang dan jantungnya berdetak!

Misteri si bayi terpecahkan sudah. :D

Sejak awal minggu ini morning sickness mulai melanda. Pagi2 bangun bawaannya muaaall aja pengen muntah. Sampai hari ini masih gitu terus. Awal2nya mengganggu bgt tp lama2 mule tau ngakalinnya. Jgn kosong aja perutnya, mesti direstock tiap 1jam sekali. Apapun itu mesti ada yg masuk perut dan memakai si asam lambung.
Perut jg udh mule sedikit membuncit. Tp msh kaya buncit kebanyakan makan sih. hahahaha.. Berat gw udh naek 1kg (sheesh) tp ya msh di range 53an lah.

Sebenernya sih saya jg ngebatasin junkfood yg masuk. Demi kesehatan saya dan si bayi. Waktu itu sempet baca buku tentang diet hamil. Memang listnya rada membosankan sih.. Tp saya rasa patut dicoba. Mungkin nanti pulang kantor saya posting list dietnya.

Saya Hamil?

2009-04-17T10:01:00.001+08:00

17-Apr-09

Dicurigai hamil, karena saya adalah tipe wanita yang tamunya selalu datang tepat waktu. Hampir selalu tepat waktu. Seringnya yang terjadi adalah kecepetan, jarang telat. Sehari 2 hari ga mens aja biasanya udah mule uring2an, mood swing ga karuan, resah gelisah, terus di ujung desperation dapet deh :D.

Kira2 tgl 11 April kmrn, di kalender gw mestinya gw mens. Cuma gw kira mundur 1-2 hari. 2 hari berlalu nothing happens.. hari ini tanggal 17 april. 6 hari berlalu. no signs of my mense coming. Tp gw masih berpikir, toh bln lalu gw dpt tgl 15, sapa tau kali ini siklusnya 30 hari.
Semalem sedikit penasaran gw cek pake testpack yg gw beli.. Hasilnya well.. positif. Tapi yaa.. gitu deh... positif namun mencurigakan soalnya warnanya pudar gitu. Memang sih di petunjuknya 2 strip itu bisa aja warnanya beda, ga mesti sama. Hmmm mencurigakan. Terus gw coba yg satu lg. Nah yg ini metode positif negatif. Tp gw bloon bgt makenya.

Yg ini tu yg ujungnya ditaro 5 detik di aliran pipis.. trus didiemin rata selama 1menit. Emang dasar gw ga sabaran kali ya, dan pagi2 buta. Nah pas mestinya didiemin 1 menit malah gw goncang2.. otomatis ga ckp urin buat mendeteksi HCGnya. tau ga hasilnya jadi + tanpa garis dibawahnya, jd bentuknya kaya 2 siku digabungin hahaha..

Walhasil sampe sekarang gw tetep percaya ga percaya.
Banyak yg komen, "ga kecepetan ji?", "lo siap ga ji, pny anak kan mahal" dll dll dll.
Sejujurnya sih ya.. gw siap kok. Lagian gw pikir ditunda2 jg buat apa. Buat ngumpulin duit? Pas duitnya udh kekumpul ntar malah anaknya ga dtg2 gw pake buat laen2 lg. -___-.
Mau nunggu mapan? Nunggu 10thn lg kali ya ahahahaha..

Intinya mah alhamdulillahhh... tar deh ya dicek lg :D

Newly Weds

2009-04-08T09:05:00.000+08:00

Sebagai seorang penganten baru, tau dong pertanyaan yg sering diajukan?

"Gimana malam pertama?" "Enak ga?" dll dll dll

Sebutlah gw wanita kolot yg tidak terbuka atau wanita yg ga asik... Tapi gw sejujurnya jengah sm pertanyaan2 macam itu. Justru karena gw udh nikah menurut gw hal2 itu sepantasnya dibahas dlm konteks yg lebih edukatif. Bukan sesuatu hal yg dijadikan mainan ato vulgarisme. Semua pertanyaan sejenis gw tepis abis2an. Ada yg gw tepis secara halus, ada yg gw tepis dengan kasar karena cara2 halus gak mempan. Ada yg marah2 gw tepis begitu dengan dalih, "kita kan udah sama2 dewasa". Ya maaf kalo hanya dengan membicarakan hal2 seperti itu gw dicap ga dewasa. Tapi menurut gw justru dia yg ga dewasa membahas beginian ga punya malu...

Bukankah Islam mengajari para wanita utk punya rasa malu yg lebih dalam banyak hal? Karena sesungguhnya rasa malu itulah yg menjaga kita...

Bapak/Ibu Parpol, saya mau protes

2009-03-17T16:58:00.000+08:00

Dengan segala hormat,

Bapak ibu pengurus partai politik, saya sebagai WNI yg tidak tinggal di Indonesia sejujurnya awalnya cukup bersemangat dan tergelitik utk melihat akan jadi seperti apakah PEMILU kali ini. Akankah jadi PEMILU yg lbh baik dr thn2 seblmnya? Lagipula toh kita sudah berpuluh2 thn melakukannya.

Saya terus terang hanya mengikuti berita dari koran, salah satu koran di Indonesia yg menyediakan versi epaper. Kok saya jadi kecewa ya? Iklan2 yg ditampilkan tidak menunjukkan jiwa yg bersih dan siap bermusyawarah. Iklan2 itu hanya menunjukkan manusia2 yg haus kekuasaan, yg siap menjatuhkan siapapun yg menghadang jalannya demi mencapai tahta.

Apa sih pak, bu yg terjadi sebenarnya? Apa sih yg mendorong anda2 sekalian memilih iklan2 seperti itu untuk mencerminkan visi misi anda? Apa sih keuntungan anda dengan menjelek2kan partai lain? Terlepas dari ijin KPU utk berkampanye menjelek2an asal ada fakta, saya tetap berpendapat itu kurang etis. Yang membuat saya makin kecewa, hampir smua parpol memakai metode yg sama. Wallahu alam.. Mau dibawa kemana negara kita, jika yg membangun adalah manusia2 yg senang menuding2 kejelekan org lain?

Bapak ibu sekalian yg terhormat, anda2 sekalian ini adalah yg orang2 berpendidikan yg diberi amanah oleh rakyat. Mewakili mereka dan menjadi mata telinga pikiran serta mulut mereka di kursi rakyat. Anda2 sekalian ini adalah orang2 yg memiliki kesempatan dan pengetahuan lebih dari mereka berarti anda memiliki kewajiban utk menyapih mereka. Bukan berarti anda harus menjadi mereka. Tugas anda adalah memberi contoh yg baik, bukan mewakili mereka dengan bertindak seperti mereka. Mereka itu orang kecil, orang yang hanya ingin hidup mereka lebih baik, dan mereka tidak mengetahui adanya hal yg lbh penting daripada itu.

Bapak ibu Parpol, saya benar2 memprotes PEMILU kali ini. Iklan2 yg anda pampang seakan menelanjangi moral bangsa ini. Anda kira anda menelanjangi para tertuduh, tapi sebenarnya anda menelanjangi diri anda sendiri. Sejujurnya saya tidak akan memilih org2 yg hanya bisa menuding dan menjelek2an orang lain.

Bapak ibu Parpol, saya yakin banyak diantara anda yg berpendidikan.. Banyak pula yg berasal dr keluarga miskin. Apa sih pak, bu, cita2 anda dulu? Apa sih yg dulu ortu anda inginkan? Kehidupan yg lbh baik, harga yg lbh murah... ANda2 ini tahu kan apa yg diperlukan utk semua itu?

Pemerintah yg solid.. pemerintah yg pny visi dan misi jauh, pemerintah yg bisa menentukan arah kemana negara ini akan dibawa, pemerintah yg tidak hanya berjanji, namun pemerintah yg berusaha keras mewujudkannya. Apakah dengan menjelek2an ini anda2 sekalian bersikap adil? Hanya menilai dari hasil akhir?

Jika memang begitu, anda2 sekalian tidak pantas membawa suara kami ke kursi rakyat. Sekalian hancurkan saja negara ini lalu kita bangun lg dari awal.

Sekian

Friends and Acquaintances

2009-03-17T14:29:00.000+08:00

Truthfully, I never really consider myself as the one with so many friends. Because I really don't feel so. Even now those whom I call friends I can count in small numbers..

I really underestimated this world. I never thought those who knew me from a long time ago, those who were close to me when I was here and there would still remember me.
I invited almost everyone on my contact list in Facebook to attend my wedding. Overall I invited around 300++ people. I thought should not be a problem.. those who are not very close to me won't even bother to attend.

Alhamdulillah.. up till now.. the ones confirming to come are 100+. Some people just click2 and sure there's no guarantee that they will show up on the actual day. But really, I'm touched. So many people are willing to come. Even those I have never met, those whom I'm not very close to, those who were close to me a loooong time ago, those who are my friends' friends, those who sometimes I took the time to talk to.. They all felt they are obliged to come..

I never knew that so many people remembers me and cherishes me. When people love you, means you have been doing good in your life. Then suddenly I feel glad that I am truly blessed. I hope my wedding will be the reunion of so many of my old friends, the meeting of new people, and will surely be the day when I marry my bestfriend being blessed by so many of my friends.

So please do come people.. No matter where I know you, when, or how. :D

Pahala dan Uang

2009-03-12T16:51:00.000+08:00

Seandainya dari setiap pahala yg kita dapat membuahkan uang, saya yakin smua orang akan berlomba2 mencari pahala.. Seandainya pahala bisa dibelanjakan, saya yakin semua orang juga akan semangat mencari pahala. Kenapa saya bilang begitu? Karena banyak orang yg punya alasan klise...

" Saya mau jadi guru, pahalanya banyak, dan semua jg tahu ilmu yg diajarkan adalah pahala yg tidak akan terputus.. namun jadi guru di Indonesia gimana mau hidup?"
" Saya senang jadi pegawai negeri, mengabdikan diri untuk rakyat, namun hanya mengandalkan uang segitu untuk hidup ga cukup utk saya dan keluarga saya hidup"
" Susah ya jaman sekarang, mau jadi orang lurus biasanya ga pny duit, hari gini mesti siap2 berwajah abu2 deeh"

Saya tidak tahu kenapa Tuhan menjadikan pahala tak berbentuk dan tak dapat dihitung, mungkin karena ada faktor keikhlasan yg kadarnya sangat relatif dan tidak terhitung pula. Saya sendiri juga bukanlah manusia2 yg tidak mengalami kebimbangan2 di atas.. Saya justru menulisnya karena terkadang pikiran2 seperti itu terbersit di pikiran saya. Menurut saya manusiawi sekali bukan memiliki kebimbangan seperti itu.. Justru jika kita masih bimbang tentang hal2 seperti itu berarti kita masih punya hati nurani to do the right thing by the eyes of God.

Namun saya rasa, kadang kita harus memilih, mana yg membuat kita lebih bahagia... Hidup dalam keserba cukupan tidak lebih tidak kurang, melakukan hal2 yg kita suka, dibayar ataupun tidak dibayar, atau hidup bergelimpang harta, berwajah abu2 dan jika kita beruntung, menyukai apa yg kita lakukan.

Pahala saya rasa ada tidak utk diukur dengan materi, namun utk diukur oleh hati...

Pentingnya Amanah

2009-03-12T15:20:00.000+08:00

Semakin gw beranjak dewasa gw makin menyadari.. hablumminannas itu sepenting habluminallah.. Dipercaya sesama manusia itu sepenting menjaga janji kepada Allah..

Sebagai manusia, gw sering dikecewakan dan mungkin jg mengecewakan banyak orang karena gw ga pegang janji ato menunda2 pekerjaan yg gw udh janjiin bakal selesai. Tapi emang paling berasa kalo orang yg udah lo percaya segenap raga dan jiwa lo bakal bisa lo percaya ternyata malah ga bisa pegang amanah lo.

Tentunya gw pribadi jg pada dasarnya ga suka nyusahin orang lain... Tapi utk kasus yg satu ini sblm gw minta tolong pun.. gw udh nanya, " bener bisa? ga ngerepotin? ga sibuk? ga mengganggu". Enggaaaa... santailaahhh.. gw percaya. Itu mungkin kebodohan manusia, GW PERCAYA.

Tapi kebodohan manusia itu akan menjadi pahala kalau si orang yg dipercaya menunaikan amanahnya dengan baik. Unfortunately, I was disappointed. MEskipun gw orang yg selalu memberi second chances (note: chances.. i gave a few SECOND chances) tapi gw sendiri bahkan ga yakin akan bisa memberikan amanah pada orang ini lagi.

Dikecewakan oleh orang yg kita tau akan mengecewakan tidak sesakit dikecewakan oleh orang yg kita percaya sepenuh hati. Alangkah baiknya jika kita semua adalah orang2 yg dipercaya semua orang.. dan kita adalah orang2 yg bisa memegang amanah kita. Kadang memenuhi amanah berarti sedikit mengurangi kepentingan diri sendiri.. namun janji tetap janji. Ketika kita berkata, "InsyaAllah saya bisa, kecuali ada hal2 yg benar2 tidak bisa saya tinggalkan" itu adalah amanah yg harus ditepati.

Sepenting itu lah memegang amanah hablumminannas, sepenting memegang amanah habluminallah..

Java

2009-02-23T17:44:00.000+08:00

I told my friend I wanted to go to Java for my honeymoon.. Then she laughed and said.. "going Hongkong for your holiday, but for honeymoon you picked Java of all places"

That's abit ironic in a way.. but try looking at it MY way..

Of course my main concern is cost. Global economic R-E-C-E-S-S-I-O-N! Should save up while u can, spend less if you can, eat less when you can. :D
Another reason I have is....

I actually envy my friends in Indo.. they took many pictures in Indonesia and they captured some beautiful views, and moments.. The views and moments I didn't even realize existed.. The name that we call Indonesia, "The jade of the equator", is it really true?
The cultural richness.. the fertile land... the magnificent views.. the biodiversity.. the mountains, the sea, the sand.. the wonderful people.. I suppose that's where the name came from. Because we're rich...

I also feel so ashamed of myself... I'm an Indonesian, but I didn't even know they existed. I wanted to prove with my own eyes.. the blue and beauty of Indonesia.

Why I chose Java? Well.. it's our origin.. My dad is pure Javanese.. my mom is half Javanese.. my future husband is also a Javanese. Where would be the greatest place to begin but discovering the greatness of your own roots? This way we will appreciate our culture even more, preserve our tradition, and discovering that God created heaven on earth not far from where we've been...

Indonesia

MOQ

2009-02-23T17:30:00.000+08:00

My Most Asked Question of the month is.........

" How is your preparation?"

Truthfully, I don't know how to answer that.. In the end I choose to answer flatly to everyone: "wish me luck".
How the hell am I supposed to answer that?????
1. It's not even done
2. I don't even know what's done and what's not
3. Even if I was asked how many percent is settled I also don't knoww.. cos it is not settled yet!!!

Do they hope I'll confide in each one of them? Mann.. when they asked how is MY preparation. All those problems and unsettled stuff kept on pouring to my head... Maybe that is what making me cranky and easily agitated almost every day..

This wedding thing is somehow making me feel exhausted so far.. Maybe I'm just reaaaallllly bad in stress management. -___-

Pray for me people puhleeeeeeeasseee... So everything will be okay, things will go wrong of cos, but still okay.. rite? o_O

Ponari???

2009-02-23T11:16:00.000+08:00

My curiosity was intrigued by this ad in the internet Ponari Sweat (supposed to be Pocari Sweat). Who/What is Ponari???
After asking Om Google and swimming on detik.com and equivalent. I found out that Ponari is the name of a boy who became a phenomenon in Indonesia because of his "ability" to heal people. It was told that once upon a time he found a rockstone after thunder struck his home. Then he kept it, when his mom and dad wanted to throw it away it kept on coming back. The so called "magic rock" somehow gave him special power to heal people. At least that's what I concluded from the story.

Thousands of people came to his house, drink a special water that was said to have the ability to heal people. This phenomenon brought the attention of Kak seto (a famous children phsychiatrist) and even MUI (maybe becos this is considered as the syirik action). Even the Komnas PA (national child protection agency) was a bit concerned of the exploitation fact. It became the concern of the authorities and the local government because some of the sick people who are queueing are too exhausted and some even died on their way to the hospital. So far 4 people have died from exhaustion of queueing. Imagine.. there are maybe 1000 people queueing each day!!!

Sometimes.. those people on top think too much. Their basic needs are somewhat all fulfilled they can't tolerate or even understand why people behave like they did in this case. Imagine yourself extremely poor, you can't afford medication, even for a living you have to struggle your way through. This will be like the ultimate chance to be better, and they've got nothing to lose! If the illness is really bad, it's worth a try, since they will day anyway.. but better die trying (a harsh way to put it). The healing doesn't cost a thing, usually people give as much money as they can afford. They've got no education, no idea what happens to them, but it's just killing them.. They want to get better to continue on with their life, provide food, find one way or the other just to survive.

Do you think they'd care if it's syirik, nonsense, impossible, or out of this world? If I were them I wouldn't give a shit about it.. Well, like it or hate it, that's how most Indonesians are..
They are still those poor people who never dreamt of going abroad, or buy a BMW, pursue career in Europe, traveling around the world.
This is one of the things that is caused by the unequality of education quality throughout of Indonesia. We have what is called the curriculum, but I wonder whether it is applicable.

One thing is for sure.. We don't have an equal standard of how educated our people are. We all may count, we all may read.. but it's how we see the world is different. I personally think education is not measured by how well u read the book, or how good u are in math.. but your perspective of looking at the world.

So Ponari? Whether it's true or not.. we have to note that.. this is how OUR people look at things. THIS is what we are dealing with..

Catatan dari Semarang

2009-02-19T09:47:00.000+08:00

Terakhir kali saya mengunjungi Indonesia, saya menyempatkan diri menengok Eyang Putri di Salatiga. Salatiga adalah sebuah kota kecil di lintasan jalur dari Semarang menuju Solo. Untuk mencapai tempat itu langsung bisa dengan mengendarai bus, tapi ah, jika anda pernah naik bus lintasan Jawa pasti juga ogah. Naek bus ke Jawa tu = mempertaruhkan nyawa. Alternatif lainnya hanya naik kereta ato pesawat ke Semarang. Saya akhirnya memilih naik kereta karena saya rindu dengan rel kereta, jesgejesgejes.. tuuuuuutttuuuutt..

Setibanya di Semarang, ibu saya mewanti2 utk naek becak ke Jln Cipto.
"kalo ibu sama bpk, biasanya berdua Rp.5000. Tapi km sm Bram kayanya Rp.10000 deh" (note: Bram tu beratnya 1 kwintal)

Akirnya setelah sedikit tawar menawar, si bapak setuju dibayar Rp.10,000. Becak itu seperti becak2 di jawa pada umumnya, becak yg atapnya bisa dilipat. Ketika atapnya dilipat, tukang becak dan penumpang bisa bercakap2.

"Adek masih sekolah?"
"Gak pak.. saya udah kerja"
"Kerjanya jadi apa?"
"Saya anak teknik pak, jd skrg jadi insinyur"
"wah enak ya dek udah selese sekolahnya. Anak saya semua masih sekolah dek. Yang paling besar masih semester 8, yg kedua baru semester 3"
"Semester 8 kan udah mau selese pak.. emang ambil jurusan apa?"
"kedokteran dek, di undip. mahal deh biaya kuliahnya. adaaaa aja biayanya. Saya sampe harus jual sawah di kampung buat bayar. Alhamdulillah semua kebutuhan keluarga saya bisa dipenuhin dgn ngebecak gini dek. Alhamdulillah juga saya bisa nyekolahin keluarga saya ya dari ngebecak ini"
" wo iya, kedokteran sih emang lama ya pak.. yang kedua jurusan apa pak?"
"akuntansi, klo yg ketiga masih smp dek"
"ya gapapa lah pak, kalo udh jadi dokter kan insy bisa bantu2 bpk di kemudian hari.

Ketika sampai di tujuan tidak jauh dari sana, saya memberi sedikit lebih utk si bapak. Saya sadar sesadar-sadarnya, saya sangat beruntung.
Allah itu maha adil sebenarnya, dari harta yg halal insya Allah akan menghasilkan output yg bagus dan bermanfaat pula. Banyak orang kaya diluar sana yg hartanya haram, output yg dihasilkan pun tidak bermanfaat. Siapa bilang utk bertahan hidup anda perlu uang yg banyak? Anda hanya perlu berusaha, tidak peduli berapa yang anda dapet selama anda berusaha berdoa dan mencari harta yang halal. Niscaya hasilnya akan lebih baik. Anda mungkin tidak akan pernah kaya secara materi, namun anda akan selalu merasa cukup.

"Jaga Kesehatan yaa"

2009-02-19T09:31:00.000+08:00

Itu pesan semua tante2 kemaren pas aku baru balik dari Indonesia terakhir kali. Dalam hati aku berpikir, "betul juga ya mesti jaga kesehatan". Tapi kadang yg paling diwanti2 itu justru yg kemudian terjadi. Begitu aku sampai Singapore, hampir tiap minggu aku didera penyakit. Mulai dari radang tenggorokan, ambeyen, virus flu, selangkangan lecet gara2 salah pembalut, ditambah keram bulanan yg emang udh jadi langganan aku hampir tiap bulan.

Terus terang aku rada pontang panting ngatasin semua penyakit ini. Bukannya apa2.. Kalo aku ga kerja mungkin lbh mudah ya, tapi berhubung aku kerja, masa tiap minggu sakit minta cuti sakit??? Jadi apa boleh buat terpaksa ditahankanlah di kantor dengan segala daya upaya. Sebenernya kalo dipikir2, selama sebulan bertubi2 kena penyakit ini itu tampak menyedihkan bin pathetic. Masa sih ada orang segitunya?

Kata temanku, cobaan orang yang mau menikah itu macam2 bentuknya. Buat aku ya, aku terus terusan didera penyakit. Alhamdulillah sih ga serius, dan mudah2an ga akan ada yg serius. Cuma ga mungkin lah aku bilang begitu sm orang kantor klo org mo nikah biasanya dikasih cobaan. Orang sini mahhhhh... free thinker dan kalo ada sesuatu yg buruk terjadi sm kita ya karena kita ga jaga fisik. Sebenernya aku jg bingung sih klo ditanya kenapa sakit2 melulu. Aku udh olahraga, makan jg normal.. ga aneh2 juga. Mungkin ada faktor gara2 akunya juga, dan ada faktor nasib juga.

Mana ada sih orang yang mau sakit? Aku juga gamau. Apalagi menjelang nikahan... Ga oke banget lg di pelaminan trus meler. hahaha..
Semoga aku cepat sembuh dan bisa mulai "menjaga kesehatan". :D

H-38 to the Wedding Day

2009-02-18T16:43:00.000+08:00

When I started this blog, it was 300++ days to the wedding day. Now it's down to 38 more days.. So many things have passed really...
1 year might be too long to prepare a wedding, but for me.. 1 year is abit too fast. His grandma passed away, my mom was sick, my mom went for surgery, my grandma fell sick too.. up till now.

For some people, preparing a wedding may not take a long time. For some people, they want to make it as perfect as possible. After all, we all want to be married just once.
We have been dating for5 years.. on 26 of march we would have officially been dating for 6 years!
On 28 of march we'll be married *insya Allah

Sometimes I envy people who met their soulmate then marry not long after. It was my dream, meet someone I love, then get married soon afterwards. I wanted to have a feeling of knowing someone for a short period of time then u feel like you know him all your life. Well, it ain't happening. Not for me at least.
Some people say that knowing someone, or dating someone for years does not mean you know him. THAT I can relate. I also know that getting married after dating someone for years means you lost those years that you can spend being lovey dovey during your marriage. Maybe or maybe not.. I will still be lovey dovey. Most likely, no...

Marrying someone you've known for years is like... marrying your own family, your own brother, your own best friend. I don't believe in such a thing as eternal love. But I believe that if you marry someone who knows you like your own family, it shall be an unbreakable bond. It doesn't guarantee that the marriage will last, but it sure will be harder to break.

Oleh2 dari Jkt

2009-02-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

Kalau ditanya, bawa oleh2 apa dari Jkt? Saya akan menjawab, kaki pegal, otak lelah, banyak renungan, dan ketidak percayaan diri. Loh kok? Ya jelas.. waktu saya kmrn di Jkt tersita banyak untuk mengurusi pernikahan, keliling2 Jkt tentunya, bertemu bnyk orang.
Blm lagi di Jkt merasa ga tega jg membiarkan kedua orang tua mondar mandir sana sini mengurusi semuanya. Tapi apa blh buat, keadaan saya jg yg membuat saya tidak bisa berada disana 24jam membantu dgn otak dan tenaga.

Ketidakpercayaan diri?? Semua orang bilang saya gendut, dan saya merasa semakin hitam akibat dari beberapa kali memanjakan diri dibawah sinar matahari. Konon tampaknya menjelang pernikahan seorang wanita harus mempercantik dirinya secantik2nya agar tampak menawan di hari pernikahan. Konon harus berpuasa pula agar tampak bersinar di hari H. Banyak lah konon desas desus yg beredar. Jadi sekarang saya berjuang mengurangi tambahan lemak dan berusaha mendisiplinkan diri utk tampak cantik di hari istimewa itu.

Sejujurnya saya bkn tipe orang yg "menjaga penampilan". Saya sih pd dasarnya apa adanya aja. Mau menghitam ya hitamlah.. toh hitam bukan akir dr dunia ini. Mau menggendut ya gapapalah asal berbahagia. Jd oleh2 PR dr Jkt ini sedikit banyak mengurangi kesenangan duniawi saya. Kata orang sih, no pain no gain.. Tapi toh painnya semestinya dinikmati jg bkn?

Tp PR terpenting yg saya bawa dr Jkt, tampaknya saya harus memperbanyak doa, zikir dan berpasrah diri pada ALlah. Karena semua adalah berdasarkan kehendakNya dan hanya dgn cara itu mungkin saya bisa meringankan beban kedua orang tua saya yg pontang panting urus ini itu di Indo.
Banyak memang PR yg saya bawa dari sana. Namun yg plg penting adalah kemantapan niat saya utk menikah, semoga Allah meluruskan niat saya. Amin

Some people...

2009-01-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

Maann.. some people just don't change! Them who like to brag, them who like to show off, them who are humble.. them who are just nice. Them who are being who they are.

Some people though, do change. I don't know which is better. But I guess changing for the better is much much more appreciated than stays for the worst!

Note: written after looking a facebook profile of someone who gave me a very bad impression in HS. You know what, she doesn't seem to change! at all!!

Who I am

2009-01-21T20:10:00.000+08:00

I can't take off my tudung...
I don't like sexy tight clothes..
I don't like to show my curves..
I don't care what people say about me.

I don't dress up
I don't put on make up..
I like outdoor activities..
I like jazz and anything that sounds nice..

I hate whiny people...
I say what I want to say, not what people want to hear..
I try my best to be a good friend..
I'm possessive to my friends.
I put others needs in front of mine..
I try to be considerative to others..
I blame myself for all unfortunate things that befall on me..

I like the way I am now
I hate worrying about how pretty I am or how fat I am
I hate people who say, "u have to suffer to be pretty" HELL NO! u have to enjoy yourself to be pretty..
I don't like gold slippers and sandals, please don't make me wear it if it's not necessary
I go by function, not by looks..
I love my boyfriend for loving me the way I am..

I loooove adventure.. I like going out for walks..
I love kids, I'll have 4 of them someday.
I don't feel pretty compared to other girls, but I like it this way
I can't lie honestly...

This is who I am..
Please don't change me into something that I will be uncomfortable with
I don't want to live worrying about how pretty I am, how thin I am etc
I want to live worrying that i haven't enjoyed my life...

Masyarakat Indonesia

2009-01-21T16:04:00.000+08:00

Saya terkadang suka bingung sama masyarakat Indonesia. Di satu sisi, saya salut sama kemampuan masyarakat Indonesia beradaptasi sama "kemiskinan" dan keterbatasan. Bahkan banyak "jenius2" yg keluar gara2 kondisi ini.

Barusan saya baca kompas, judulnya, "Mereka Telah Bersahabat Dengan Banjir". Isinya? mereka telah bersahabat dengan banjir, orang2 itu, mereka yg tinggal di daerah rawan banjir. BAhkan mengutip kata2 mereka, mereka dengan beraninya berkata, "Kalau banjir mau datang, silakan saja, kami sih tidak kaget, biasa2 saja". Saya syok! Saya mengerti memang.. banjir kadang memang tidak dapat dihindari, dan kemampuan beradaptasi memang penting jika ingin survive. Tapi kalo cm adaptasi, binatang juga bisa!

Kelebihan manusia adalah akal, akal dipakai utk memecahkan masalah ato mencari jalan yg lbh baik demi kehidupan yg lebih baik. Orang2 itu pernah ga sih berpikir, kenapa bisa banjir, apa yg bisa dilakukan utk mengatasi banjir. Atau hidup mereka sebegitu susahnya, akal mereka sebegitu lelahnya utk memikirkan hal2 simpel yg bisa mereka lakukan utk mencegah banjir jd lbh parah.

Saya tahu ada banyak alasan yg bisa mencounter attack tuduhan saya itu. I can think of some.
" Pemerintah Indonesia ga becus sih, daerah resapan air dihabiskan, banjir kanal ga berfungsi, gada perbaikan dari thn ke thn, ya berhubung banjir terus kita ga bisa apa2 lg kan"
" Bukan salah saya loh, orang2 yg bikin banjir tu yg di bogor sana nooh"

Cuma mengandalkan alasan2 seperti itu malu ga sih? Saya malu sbg bangsa Indonesia. Yg org2nya mampu beradaptasi dengan kemiskinan dan bahkan tidak mau memperbaiki kehidupannya. Yang hidup dengan menyalahkan orang lain, yang tidak berpikir sedikitpun bahwa mereka pun punya andil.
Buanglah sampah di tempatnya, bersihkan got.. Stop blaming people, ketika ditertibkan harap menyadari dan menertibkan dirinya sendiri.

Indonesiaa.. Indonesia.. kalau mental kita begini terus, selamanya kita akan terjajah oleh keadaan.

The hardest thing

2009-01-19T13:46:00.000+08:00

I find that the hardest thing in the world is letting go of the people that we love to pursue their own life. Even though I'm also marrying my bestfriend for years.. but I feel that all my friends are all going their separate ways also. I can't help but feeling sad *though I'm happy for them too. Even though maybe nothing will ever change.

Seeing everyone going forward with their lives, how I wish people would stay the same. How I wish time would just stand still and let me live a little bit longer in that moment. Maybe that is why God creates time that ticks so fast, and life that keeps on evolving. So we will have a piece of each time to treasure and cherish.

So I guess, letting go of the hardest thing that we treasure the most, is one way of showing Allah that we accept Its decision. Life is full of unexpected things.. and we all know that some things we have to learn to let go, always be prepared to let go. As we all.. don't know what the future holds for us.

Religius or Politics?

2009-01-02T13:35:00.000+08:00

Untuk sebagian orang, perang antara Israel dan Palestina bersinggungan erat dgn sisi religius. Namun utk sebagian orang lainnya, mungkin ini hanya tampak sebagai persinggungan politik yg berlarut2.

Saya adalah seorang Muslim. Sejak kecil saya dididik utk mengutuk kaum Yahudi (mungkin ada hubungannya dgn fakta bahwa saya dibesarkan di Aceh). Tp mungkin memang begitulah gambaran perasaan kaum Muslim terhadap kaum Yahudi pada umumnya dan mungkin pula sebaliknya. Namun seiring saya beranjak dewasa, didikan itupun luntur berbaur dengan pikiran yg akhirnya terbentuk sendiri. Mungkin ini adalah sesuatu yg religius DAN politis.

Menurut saya pribadi, bukan berarti semua Yahudi kejam dan membenci Islam. Sama halnya seperti tidak semua Muslim adalah teroris. Bukannya saya membela Yahudi, bukannya saya tidak sedih melihat kaum Muslimin jatuh bergelimpangan di jalur Gaza dlm 4 hari terakhir ini. Namun saya hanya merasa tidak baik mengeneralisir seperti itu. Sama hal nya seperti saya tidak mau semua Muslim dianggap teroris. Saya rasa tidak semua Jews adalah "peneror Islam" pula.

Dahulu kala sekali, pernah ada suatu acara dokumenter yg menggambarkan kehidupan kaum Muslim dan Yahudi di perbatasan sana. Hidup mereka baik2 saja. Mereka jg tidak saling benci. Toh mereka beribadah di tempat yg sama, hanya caranya yg berbeda. Mereka saling berdagang satu sama lain, berinteraksi pula. Lalu apa yg salah? Bukan semua org Yahudi, tp org2 yg tamak dan haus kekuasaan dan wilayah. Sebenarnya apa sih yg diperebutkan?

Dari pelajaran sejarah muslim saya dahulu, dilihat dari kacamata kaum Muslimin, kaum Yahudi adalah kaum yg dibuang dari tanahnya. Konon dahulu kala, Allah mengusir mereka selama2nya dari tanah mereka Yerusalem, dan kaum Muslimin konon mempertahankan tanah Allah karena itu bknlah milik mereka. Namun sampai hari ini saya tidak tahu kenapa org2 Israel itu terus menerus menggempur Palestina. Wallahu alam... Mungkin mereka hanya ingin kembali ke tanahnya? Atau pada dasarnya mereka adalah manusia pd umumnya, hanya orang2 yg tamak akan kekuasaan. Mungkin mereka adalah kombinasi dari keduanya. Konon pula diceritakan, Bani Israil adalah kaum yg sempurna secara lahiriah, mereka cerdas, dan rupawan. Pengalaman saya menghadapi kaum yg sempurna adalah mereka cenderung menjadi sombong dan tamak. Bani Israil juga manusia... Mungkin jika kita dilahirkan menjadi seorang Israeli kita pun akan cenderung menjadi org2 seperti itu. Wallahu alam bishshawab..

Meskipun begitu, saya tetap mengutuk serangan Israel terhadap Palestina. Apapun alasannya mereka tidak punya hak berbuat begitu. Benar2 krisis kemanusiaan.. korban sampe hari ini mencapai ribuan. Pemerintah Israel itu yg benar2 biadab. Membaca beritanya membuat saya berpikir, bagaimana jika itu adalah saya disana, bagaimana jika saya dilahirkan sebagai seorang Palestinian. Bersyukurlah saya dilahirkan sebagai seorang Muslim, dalam keadaan sebaik2nya, dalam lingkungan sebaik2nya. Dalam rahmat yg sebaik2nya pula..

Lagi Lagi...

2008-11-24T09:17:00.000+08:00

Cobaan menikah gw tu bener2 bertubi2 bgtlah. Udh gitu cobaannya bervariasi hahaha.. Dari yg kecil2 kaya sifat2 bram yg gw ga suka sampe yg gede2 berupa resesi ekonomi global. Cuma by now gw udh mulai kebal tampaknya. Ya.. smua mesti dilewatin ajalah kan. Ga ada gunanya jg gw mengeluh2 dan merengek2.

Kemaren kan si resesi ekonomi global ya, yg dipastikan bakal jangka panjang, tp perkiraan gw setidaknya sampe maret 2009, SGD masih akan lbh kuat dr Rupiah. Jadi secara biaya gw harusnya lebih pede InsyaAllah. Nah skrg ada lagi "isu" yg datangnya dari negeri sendiri. Seperti yg udh gw jelaskan sebelum ini yaitu isu NPWP. Semua org di milis indo-sing masih dlm perdebatan. Ada bbrp org di milis ini yg udh berusaha ngisi form ini tp merasa form ini kurang "mewakili" kepentingan kita yg berpenghasilan di Sing tp ga mau dipajak lg di Indo. Efeknya ke gw? Jelas.. pada tahun 2009 gw mesti bolbal Jkt sing sekurang2nya 2x. Januari akhir, sama Maret pas gw nikah. Seandainya gw menolak pny NPWP gw kmgknan besar mesti bayar fiskal sebesar 2.5juta!

Seminar perpajakan

2008-11-22T09:09:00.003+08:00

Saudara saudara sekalian,

Kemarin saya baru menghadiri seminar pajak. Si bapak ngomong dgn bahasa yg berbelit2, mengutip pasal ini dan itu.. Padahal yg saya mau tau cuma satu, kalo saya udh bayar pajak disini, perlukah saya bayar pajak lg di Indonesia. Setelah penjelasan yg amat berbelit2 pula.. dengan mengatakan ada tax treaty, menghindari double taxation blablabla.. It turns out that we do IF we have NPWP. Bukan double taxation, tp istilahnya metode eliminasi.

Contoh kasus:
Jadi misalnya di Sing saya berpenghasilan kotor $2000 sebulan, sebagai foreigner, sm pemerintah SIng dipajak sekian persen, anggaplah dipajak $500 pertahun. Tapi berdasarkan hitungan Indonesia, $2000 x Rp 8000 (kurs skrg) x 12 kan jadinya pendapatan saya sekitar 200juta lah ya.
Nah, di indonesia berlaku sistem pajak progresif, untuk 50juta pertama kena pajak 5%, 15% utk 200juta kedua, 25% utk berikutnya, dst. Jadi kalo pake itungan indonesia, saya kena pajak sekitar 25juta rupiah? Sekitar 3000sgd kalo pake kurs terbaru. Nah, sistem eliminasi mengkreditkan si pajak luar negeri terhadap pajak di Indonesia, jadi 3000sgd - 500sgd =2500 sgd. Jadi sebulan mesti menyisihkan sekitar 200sgd. Gile, buat sewa kamar aja berapa, buat makan idup dll berapa, buat dikirim kerumah berapa. Blm lagi klo pny kluarga. Shocker hah? *%&)@%*%&@))!_$. Dan pendapatan 2000$ itu kecil bgt loh klo disini.. dan saya merasa ga adil aja gitu dipajak lbh gede drpd tempat saya bernaung dan beraktivitas.

Kemaren ada yg blg, pajak itu sebenernya bisa dinilkan kalo kita2 yg kerja di luar negeri. Karena kita kan hidup dgn standar living cost di luar. Cm gw baca disini

http://www.pajak.go.id/index.php?option=com_docman&Itemid=178

Objek pajak luar negeri adalah penghasilan BRUTO, alias penghasilan sebelum dikurangi macem2. Padahal objek pajak dalam negeri tuh adalah penghasilan NETTO.

Meski begitu, ternyata kita2 para penduduk luar negeri ini bisa minta surat keterangan pajak dari kantor pajak. Kalo disini namanya certificate of tax residence. Kalo kita bekerja di luar negeri, ga punya apa2 di Indonesia, kita dianggap WNA secara pajak. Jd ditjen pajak Indonesia ga berhak menyentuh PPh kita sama sekali. Jika anda memiliki properti di Indonesia, anda bisa aja bikin NPWP buat ngurusin pajak properti anda itu. Namun tetap memegang SKD itu (surat keterangan domisili pajak) utk melindungi penghasilan anda dari perpajakan ekstra.

Saya sedikit tersinggung, karena ketika kami semua protes, sang bapak berkali2 mengatakan, "saya tau semua org ga ada yg mau bayar pajak, sapa sih yg mau?" Loh, bapak ini tidak mengerti ternyata. Saya sih akan membayar pajak jika memang itu kewajiban saya dan saya merasa itu adalah hal yg reasonable, atau saya yakin pajak itu AKAN dipakai utk membangun negara tercinta saya. Pelayanan ditingkatkan, jalan dibenerin, pembangunan terpadu, itu propinsi2 kecil disapih. Jika saya memang harus mengeluarkan dana itu mending saya kasih aja langsung ke propinsi2 kecil yg butuh. Muak saya ngasi duit ke pemerintah pusat terus, nyatanya yg berkembang terus hanya Jakarta.

Mereka kira kita2 yg hidup di luar negeri ini kaya2 semua apa??? Kita juga berjuang utk hidup.. Mungkin jika suatu hari nanti pemerintah Indonesia berhasil "meyakinkan" saya bahwa uang saya akan dipakai utk kebaikan dan saya tidak akan merasa rugi sama sekali mengeluarkan pajak yg relatif besar itu, saya akan lgsg apply buat NPWP..

But not now sir.. sorry

Happiness

2008-11-21T16:47:00.000+08:00

"Thank you for the lovely time… hanging out with all of you, I can never feel 51…. How lovely…

All of you shouldn’t have give me the gift vouchers… Really I don’t need anything… I have been blessed with all things already.

Your love and friendship is only what I can take with me when I leave this world… So you have given me a big treasure already"

Nama

2008-11-19T09:47:00.000+08:00

Kadang wanita tu punya keinginan aneh2 yg ga kepikiran. Kaya contohnya sekarang gw udh nyiapin nama anak laki2 gw. hahaha.. Wallahualam pdhal gw bakal pny anak cowo ato cewe.
Namanya insy bakal jd Turangga Abimanyu. Kedengeran gagah aja gitu.

Kalo abimanyu mah jelas ya, dia mah anaknya arjuna. Yg konon dicintai para dewa, memiliki budi pekerti amat luhur dan lihai dalam berperang. Bijaksana dibawah bimbingan gurunya, Bagawan Abiyasa, dan gagah perkasa dibawah bimbingan ayahnya sendiri, arjuna yg konon amat mempesona dan gagah pula.

Turangga. ternyata artinya kuda. Gw liat di http://www.angkringan.or.id/page.php?id=69 .
Ternyata turangga adalah termasuk 1 dari 5 hal yg dimiliki seorang manusia utk jd sempurna. Dimana kuda itu melambangkan pengendalian diri terhadap segala hawa napsu.

Smoga kiranya beneran gw pny anak cowo, dgn menyandang nama ini akan jd anak yg berani namun dapat mengendalikan dirinya dgn baik. Amiinn

*kawin dulu jii, hamil duluuu hahahaha

Cold Feet

2008-11-17T10:26:00.000+08:00

I kept telling my friends that the idea of getting married is compelling before you decided to get married. It is true, the moment you decided to get married everything seems wrong.
Then it is a matter of commitment I think that makes you survive.

Everything comes with a choice. Do it or don't do it. As simple as that. Not to take other people in account of course. Then again, convincing your own self that it is the right thing to do is hard enough.

I happen to have a friend incredibly crazy about this one girl, who finally decided to get married. Then suddenly popped back into my friend's life and says she still loves him. What the???
My other friend said, maybe this girl had just realized that he was her true love.
Sorry, not being sarcastic or anything. But, how do you define true love? The one that makes your heart skips a beat? The one that you cannot forget over all these times? Perhaps. But I find it an outrageous reason. I personally think she just got cold feet.

Despite the facts that this girl barely know the guy, and she said she decided so because her parents wanted her to. Still I think she made her choice already. There's no room for regrets in this kind of thing. The best thing we can do is accept embrace and move on.

I too, sometimes wonder if I can live with this guy, will I be able to love and cherish him for the rest of his life. I too have worries that we might stop loving each other and go our own separate ways. I too have my doubts.
Even so, I try my best to learn to love him again. I try to cherish all the nice things in him. I try to appreciate even a small sacrifice he made for me. I try my best to stop regretting myself and questioning whether this is the right choice or not.

A decision is made and there is no turning back.
I know a storm will end eventually.. By then, we humans must survive thru it all.

Birokrasi Indonesia

2008-11-14T14:00:00.002+08:00

Sejujurnya, saya cinta Indonesia. Sungguh. Meski saya mencari rejeki di negara lain, namun saya selalu ingin pulang ke Indonesia. Meski begitu, saya benci birokrasi dan orang2 pemerintahannya. Namun begitu, sepertinya saya mulai mengerti ketika saya pulang kemarin.

Diawali dengan pengurusan KUA. Karena saya tidak menikah di rmh saya sendiri, dan bkn pula di rmh calon suami saya, saya harus mengurus surat2 ini itu, N1, N2, N3, saya hanya bersyukur hitungannya berhenti di 5, dan tidak sampai puluhan (bahkan menurut tmn2 saya di sini, peraturan itu sedikit outrageous. but nvm, I can live with that). Mengurus surat ini sekian puluh ribu, itu sekian puluh ribu.. Namun mengurus surat keterangan selembar utk dibawa ke KUA di kecamatan yg datanya diketik dengan mesin ketik manual, dan ditandatangani seorang bapak lurah, ongkosnya 180 ribu rupiah. Sedikit berlebihan bukan? DI kantor itu hanya ada 1 mesin ketik, arsip2, beberapa kursi dan beberapa petugas kelurahan. What the hell they need the 180 ribu rupiah for? Listrik? paling kipas angin.. komputer aja ga punya..

Anyway.. sutralah ya..
Namun, di KUA kecamatan citeureup, masih diketik dengan mesin ketik manual, selembar kertas jg, ditandatangan bapak kepala juga.
Saya melihat sekitar.. kantor KUA kecamatan itu kecil. Hanya ada 3 ruang kantor, 1 ruang meeting, dan 1 ruang tamu tmpt melayani masyarakat. Dari semua kantor itu, hanya ada 1 mesin tik manual!! BAyangkan, di era yg canggih teknologi ini, bahkan mesin tik pun hanya ada 1. Ketika saya datang, mereka sedang memasang tivi baru dan 1 set komputer baru. Ingin membantu tapi geli sendiri jg. Beli kabel power kok ya pendek bgt, dan maksa mo ditempel di tembok. Terus mo pasang2 komputer kok ya kayanya susah bgt.
Ketika dia meminta 200 ribu dari saya, saya mengiyakan saja akhirnya. Udahlah, itung itung sedekah

Perbedaannya sama kantor KUA di daerah jakarta yg kemudian saya datangi ckp menyolok. Padahal tingkatannya sama2 kecamatan loh. KUA kampung makasar itu tegelnya bagus, ruangannya bnyk, bertingkat, ada ruang komputer, dan ada 3 komputer di dalamnya. Meski yg datang lebih bnyk, namun ruangan yg dipake ya itu2 aja.

Apa sih yg membuat perbedaan yg begitu mencolok pd suatu kantor KUA di tingkatan yg sama namun yg satu di ibukota yg satu di pinggiran? Seharusnya kan biaya operasional sama dong?
Apa sih sebenernya yg diberikan pemerintah pusat pada rakyatnya? Apa sih gunanya negara republik kita yg katanya semua penduduk Indonesia punya hak yg sama?
Saya justru di titik ini lebih setuju dijadikan negara serikat ajalah (pendapat pribadi ya, no offense). Jatoh ya jatoh sendiri, bangkit ya bangkit sendiri, tiap negara bagian punya kewajiban sendiri2 dalam mengurus dan mengatur negara bagiannya.

Saya paham betul mungkin tidak semudah itu dalam pelaksanaan, pasti ada faktor ini itu, pertimbangan ini itu. Namun saya tetap merasa didiskriminasi *loh?

KArena itu saya ikhlas memberikan 200 ribu saya kalo memang ada gunanya buat mereka. Jika memang digunakan utk kantor dan bukan dirinya sendiri saya ikhlas, wallahu alam lah soal itu.
Mungkin hingga suatu hari nanti sila ke 5 pancasila mulai terasa, saya harus selalu ikhlas memberi duit ini itu.

resesi lagi

2008-11-12T15:15:00.000+08:00

Bener2 ya... Allah tu bisa melakukan apapun yg Dia inginkan di dunia ini. Kun fayakun..

Sapa sih yg bakal menyangka ekonomi Amerika kollaps separah itu? Sapa sih yg bisa menduga harga minyak bakal drop jadi dibwah 55usd per barrel setelah sebln sebelumnya sempet diatas 100usd per barrel?? Sapa sih yg bakal menduga kollapsnya ekonomi Amerika berarti keruntuhan negara2 kaya di dunia ini? Well people, brace yourself cos it is happening.

Ditengah2 kebingungan seperti ini, spekulasi dan analisis ekonomi beterbangan dimana2. Kaya "kiamat sugra" aja sih menurut gw. Smua orang berlari mencari tempat aman utk bernaung. Tapi klo udh kaya gini sebenernya susah jg. Smua mata uang ikut terjun bersama USD. Bahkan poundsterling pun bergeming bareng USD. Gmn rupiah hayo?

Klo analisis gw pribadi dan baca2 di koran, gw setuju ini resesi bakal sedikit lama. Perlu waktu buat menyehatkan ekonomi Amerika soalnya. 1-2 tahun kali ya. tergantung Obama jg sih tampaknya. Cm gw masih melihat Indonesia punya harapan. Ekonomi dalam negeri kita masih jalan. SOalnya di Indonesia ada produsen, konsumen, dan distributor. Gw justru khawatir sm Singapore. Impor pasti mule berkurang kan, otomatis perkembangan ekonomi bisa jd negatif. Skrg aja ktnya udh stagnan.

Efeknya? kemungkinan PHK bagi para foreigner rendahan atau kelas tinggi lebih besar. Yang logikanya klo diPHK bakal ngaruh bgt dlm mengurangi cost. Gw denger2 fenomena PHK alias ga perpanjang kontrak ini udh mule kliatan disini. Di indo jg di perusahaan2 gede udh mule beredar isu2 PHK.
Meski begitu, gw pikir ini waktu yg tepat bagi indonesia utk menggiatkan pasar dalam negeri. Makanya bnyk iklan2 di koran akir2 ini yg gencar blg, cintai produk bangsa sendiri. hahaha.. Kalo Indonesia sukses memanfaatkan waktu ini utk membangun bangsa sendiri gw yakin ntar pas negara2 raksasa itu mulai bangkit lagi kita ga seterpuruk itu.

Nah buat gw, gw jg nyari aman dong.. Skrg lg pikir2 mau bli mata uang apa. Just in case nanti Singapore jatoh gara2 impor ga jln dan ekonomi cm berjalan utk menghidupi negaranya sendiri. Mesti pny backup plan doong...

Worries

2008-11-12T15:10:00.001+08:00

A friend of mine says life is a choice. How you want to plan it, how you want to live it. Every person has their own considerations, goals, and principals of life. No matter where your choices might lead you that is your choice.

Sometimes I wonder whether I made the right choice or not. For people seem to be making a different choice compared to mine. For they seem to have a different perspectives of life. As in an exam in your school, if you alone have a different answer, you could be the only one with the correct answer or otherwise. As it is with the world, it has a general rule and a general thinking of something. Being different means accepting it as a challenge to make something extraordinary out of the unusual.

Sometimes I thought I have perfect solid reasons for everything that I do. But then again, reasons are never unquestionable.. I think I just got to be strong and tell them that it is a choice that I made, and not theirs.

There are two things that I hold on dearly. Fate and Time. Life circles around fate, so why worry? and Time is there for you to use.. why rush it?

Ketika saya..

2008-11-12T15:05:00.001+08:00

Minggu lalu jg saya berkunjung ke sanatorium dharmawangsa menjenguk relasi saya yg dirawat disana. Sanatorium itu adalah tempat isolasi utk orang2 yg mengalami gangguan jiwa.. saya menolak menyebutnya rumah sakit jiwa, karena memang bukan. Mereka sebenernya sama seperti kita, hanya saja mungkin hidup mereka lebih keras dan mereka mengalami kesulitan menghadapinya.

Ayah saya bercerita, orang2 yg dirawat disitu bukanlah orang2 yg bodoh ato miskin ato terlantar. Mereka justru orang2 pintar. Ada yg pengacara, sarjana hukum, dll. Mengalami gangguan jiwa juga bukan berarti mereka tidak perlu disayangi, mereka justru sangat membutuhkan perhatian. Memasukkan mereka ke sanatorium bukan berarti menyerahkan mereka sepenuhnya utk diurus, namun utk memberi mereka kesempatan utk memulihkan diri.

Beberapa tahun yg lalu, saya jg pernah kemari, kasusnya wkt itu lebih berat. Ketika menjenguk sang relasi, ada seorang ibu2 yg mendatangi kami dan mengajak ngobrol. Beliau adalah teman sekamar sang relasi. Sekilasan beliau tampak normal, bercerita pun dengan nada yg sangat normal. Namun seiring dengan pembicaraan, terlihat bahwa orang itu memang berbeda. Dia berbicara rubbish.. Ngalor ngidul ga jelas juntrungannya. Saya ingat ketika itu beliau tiba2 menangis sewaktu mengatakan, "relasi anda ini sangat beruntung, masih bnyk keluarganya yg menjenguk, saya udah berbulan2 ditelantarkan keluarga saya, ga pernah dijenguk, saya dibuang. Bukan cm saya, di tmpt ini bnyk yg nasibnya seperti saya". Saya kurang tahu apakah ibu ini berlebihan atau tidak. Karena orang2 seperti ini terkadang terlalu sedih, berpikir yg tidak2 bahkan negatif. Namun saya percaya orang2 seperti ini punya perasaan, mereka blm hilang akal dan masih pny rasa.

Saya terkadang merasa malu karena saya masih merasa takut dan defensif menghadapi orang2 ini. Padahal saya berharap orang2 memperlakukan relasi saya seperti manusia biasa yg sedikit berbeda. Namun sepertinya itu reaksi yg amat sangat manusiawi. Kita takut menghadapi segala sesuatu yg berbeda. Semua yg tampak "alien" atau tidak normal kita jauhi. Kembali pada pola pikir manusia itu sendiri, semakin luas wawasannya, semakin mudah menerima perbedaan. Semakin sempit wawasannya semakin sempit pula dunianya.
Namun begitu, semakin luas wawasan, semakin sulit menerima kenyataan bahwa ada orang2 yg berpikiran sempit. Kalo kata omnya spiderman (apaan sih?) "with great power, comes great responsibility", with great knowledge, comes great responsibility. Menurut saya, semakin bijaksana seseorang, semakin luas wawasannya, semakin besar kewajibannya utk ikhlas dan bijaksana dalam segala hal. Termasuk menghadapi orang2 ini. Seperti kata rasul yg saya ga inget jg sih persisnya gmn, tp versi gw mah ya, ngapain sih kesel sm orang2 bodoh ato sesat? Mereka begitu karena mereka tidak tahu. Justru mereka patut dikasihani..

Jadi teman, orang yg bijaksana itu adalah orang yg mampu melihat sisi lain dari segala hal. Kalo kata saya sih, sekali2 mesti keluar dari kotak utk bisa melihat segala sesuatu secara utuh. Jangan jd org yg picik yg selalu merasa benar di dlm kotak.

1st september 2008

Helpless

2008-10-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

Do you know how certain things remind you of someone or something? How u seemed to hear or see something and just like that ur head flies away to a certain past. I myself seem to always remember my past every time I hear or see something.

Then u'll remember how nice it was, and wonder what actually went wrong. Sometimes I think people just meet to say good bye someday. Because that's how everyone is in my life. They seem to come and go. It's a neverending list.... Sometimes I grow tired of letting go. But life goes on rite? You can't linger on something that you know will leave you anyway.

What went wrong exactly? I think time changes everything. They change how people feel, their priority, their life.. They just do. Then what about me? Time seems to stand still around me. I personally don't change, cos for some people I'd like to stay just the way I am now. So I always felt left behind. I want to leave people behind sometimes.. but sometimes I just don't have the courage to do that. Cos I like things the way they are, why other people don't I got no clue why.

Well, as I say, people just change, they don't care about other people's life. They just care on moving on by themselves. Which I think is so unfair. I always felt bad leaving a friend behind, but they never cared about how I'd feel. Then I guess I just wasn't a priority anymore, or less important. It's kinda sad really...

That's how far I'd go that you really can't rely on anyone but yourself. But I'm pretty helpless in this friendship thing. I can fall in love as a friend so easily that they kept on breaking my heart. Don't know how many pieces it is now.

Then I guess I am just helpless at being a very good faithful friend. And you know, in your life, you need someone like me once in a while to remind you that a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Kenapa sih?

2008-10-24T11:20:00.000+08:00

Kenapa sih ortu tu mesti gengsi2an? Penting ya sapa yg mestinya mulai duluan, adatnya gmn, dll dll? Klo yg namanya niat baik mah bukannya dijabanin aja despite mestinya kaya gmn? Gw suka heran deh.. emang klo ngucapin selamat idul fitri gt mesti ada yg duluan ya? Trus klo update2 berita ga bisa casual aja ya?

Terus.. klo mengucapkan belasungkawa tu mesti berkali2 ya? gabisa dititipin aja ato gmn gitu? yg penting pan niat baiknya?

Org tua tu memang membingungkan... Kadang kita berharap mereka bisa lebih dewasa melihat segala sesuatunya tp kdg mereka justru jd lbh sempit jarak pandangnya yah. Is that something I'll be as I got older? Hopefully not..

Recap so far

2008-10-24T10:12:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not.. It's 5 months to go! Sheesh.. time flies by damn fast.
Just a recap..

Almost everything is settled. But we hv to retake the pre wed pics and I hvn't decided on the invites and souvenirs. Still no idea what soever..
I actually wanted a simple cheap invites. It just seems that my dad wanted the thick invites with my pics on it. He said, "so people will know who is getting married". Well, he DOES have a point there. Sometimes if I see an invites I can't help but think.. "who the heck is this person?". If it does have a picture I'd go, "ooooww.. this guuyy... waah getting married already?".

One more thing.. even though I don't like the assistant photographers last time, but my cousin's prewed pics are okay. mb becos the photographer himself took the pics. So.. my mom arranged for re-takes. Hope it'll be much better though...

I actually planned on going back early Dec. My mom is hving a medium surgery end of the month. But if I go back at that time, I will be rushing things quite a lot. So I decided to go back twice, early Nov and early Dec.

One more thing, I haven't decided on what I want for the "seserahan". I best make a list of what to buy then..

Resesi Ekonomi

2008-10-11T00:31:00.001+08:00

Satu cobaan berlalu, cobaan laen dtg lg. Alhamdulillah ibuku sudah sembuh.. kembali seperti semula. Aku merasa sangat bahagia tidak terkira.. Namun begitu.. baru2 ini Lehman br bangkrut. FYI, Lehman merupakann perusahaan investasi raksasa di dunia. Krn kesalahan perhitungan sang CEO akhirnya bener2 bangkrut. Semua perusahaan yg ada hubungannya dgn perusahaan ini smuanya ikut terjun bebas, dan akhirnya negara Amerika pun ikut kandas. Akibatnya?? ekonomi dunia dilanda kekacauan luar biasa. Saham dunia semua merosot.. perusahaan2 besar justru terancam bangkrut.

Indonesia?? well.. saham ikut merosot tajam. Rame2 investor menarik semua sahamnya takut duitnya ilang tah kemana. Kejamnya lg, meski USD melemah, namun nilai tukar mata uang di seluruh duniapun ikut melemah. Rupiah? Jgn ditanya.. nyaris terjun bebas. Td pg dibuka dgn nilai tukar 1USD=9600. Ditutup dgn harga jual 10300 dan harga beli 9800.. geblek..

Efeknya ke nikahan gw?? bnyk.. ditakutkan biaya2 smua pun mau ga mau harus menyesuaikan meskipun ud diDP dan deal harga. klo ga kasian jg kali bisa bangkrut mereka jg. Gw masih bertahan dgn tabungan SGD gw, yg meskipun Rupiah merosot terhadap USD, tp SGD msh ada nilainya plg ga.Dimana rupiah nyaris ga pny nyawa lg.
Ga ada yg tau sampe kpn kejadian ini bkl berlangsung. Lebih tepatnya, sampe sejauh mana Rupiah mau terjun bebas, smua org masih meraba2 dasarnya ada dimana. Gw cm bisa berdoa smoga ga terjadi separah krismon 1997 yg lalu.

Mesti siap2 fisik dan mental menghadapi kemungkinan terparah yg terjadi. Skrg percaya ato ga, nasib biaya pernikahan gw dipegang sm kebijakan G7 yg bakal rapat hari ini.

I'm keeping my faith and spirits high. Believing God will guide me thru all this whatever may happen... May we all be given the strength and wisdom to face it all..

It is true.. God can take whatever is most valuable to us in an instant.. America lost everything in just a day. But I believe God can give us anything at any moment of time whenever God wishes. So that's what I'll do.. Believing that God will give what is best for me. In the mean time.. I might just go thru it all...

Kangen ibuuuuu

2008-08-25T09:24:00.000+08:00

Ibu ibu ibu... Buat aku, ibu adalah sosok yg harus kulindungi. Seorang sosok yg hilang dari kehidupanku selama bertahun2. Utk kebanyakan orang, kadang sosok ibu terlalu taken for granted. Tp buatku, selalu ada was was dan rasa takut kehilangan lagi. Ibuku mengidap skizofrenia sejak aku masih kecil. Sejak aku mulai bisa mengingat, ibuku hanya ada dlm bentuk jasmani. Namun secara peranan dll, aku benar2 kehilangan sosok ibuku... Untuk contoh dan panutan hidup? Aku hanya dibimbing bapak dan insting survival ku.

Ibu datang dan pergi. Ada masa2nya ketika ibuku sehat walafiat, jasmani dan rohani. Namun seringnya hanya dlm waktu yg amat singkat, 1-2 thn lalu semuanya berantakan lagi. Beberapa tahun terakhir alhamdulillah ibuku sehat2 saja, dan mungkin aku terlalu taking everything for granted. Baru2 ini ibuku mendadak sakit lagi. Gak separah dulu dan insyaAllah gak akan lagi seperti dulu. Kasian bapakku. Anak2nya jauh2an semua... Gak ada yg bisa bener2 bantuin merawat.

Di saat2 penting menjelang pernikahanku ibu justru jatuh sakit. Mungkin memang benar adanya, menjelang pernikahan memang masa2 prihatin. Rasanya egois sekali memang jika aku justru terlalu memikirkan masalah lain2 selain ibuku. Kadang terlintas di pikiranku, banyak orang yg selalu punya dukungan penuh kedua orang tuanya utk segala hal, keduanya selalu ada sehat jasmani dan rohani, namun bukan aku. Meski begitu, bukan pada tempatnya pula aku mengeluh... Masih bnyk jg yg tidak pernah sama sekali punya orang tua bukan? Bersyukurlah aku masih punya kenangan2 indah...

Meski ibuku hanya ada di masa2 tertentu dlm hidupku, namun aku benar2 menghargai beliau. Seburuk apapun kondisinya, aku tetap kangen ibuku.

Why oh why?

2008-08-23T22:53:00.000+08:00

Kenapa ya gw suka merasa semakin mendekati nikahan sifat si pacar makin jelek aja? gw ssering bgt tersinggung gara2 dia. Makin temperamen dan jd manja bgt. Menurut gw ga adil aja gitu secara gw sendiri gatau kan masalahnya apaaan. Dia ga pernah cerita dan dia berharap gw gimana coba? Klo gw kan temperamen ato gmn gitu kdg emang karena time of the month. Lah dia kan ga ada hormonal thing seperti itu....

Meskipun terdengar spt pembelaan wanita but it's true. Men are men, they are not supposed to rely on emotions and feelings, and no hormonal stuff. But really.. i feel so sad sometimes. Kenapa siih mesti begitu? gw kan di dpn org bnyk ga enak jg kali berantem. Masa sih rame2an gitu dia malah manja2an ngambekan ga penting???? Pls deh pacar, get a grip! You think you're the only one with a life here? With so many things on your mind and a lot to settle??? You never think my life is as tough as yours???? Pls deh, it's not just you in this world dear... You might want to consider my feelings once in a while and stop being a boy!!!!!!! If you really feel tired then just stay away from me...

Kembali deh gw berpikir, am I really marrying this guy???

InsyaAllah

2008-08-17T21:48:00.000+08:00

I usually say InsyaAllah if I was afraid that everything would go wrong, or just to ease my mind from the big X factor. At least I wasn't 100% sure of what was going to happen. But just now, I read agatha christie's book.. The title was: They came to baghdad. In there one of the character was saying, “this car looks like it might break down any second now” and the other one replied, “it might. one will never know. but these iraqis are very good at fixing up and tying up things and saying InsyaAllah then the thing is working again”.

Then I was thinking, my way of saying it and their way of saying it has a totally different perspective. Their way of life was always fearless.. They surrendered everything to Allah even as they speak. For me, I was always afraid everything would go wrong, so I thought even if something was to go wrong, it wouldn't be my fault since I have said Allah's name meant that there are some things I can't control.

They have believed that Allah's hand really takes a part in everything. While the way I used it was I only believed that it was partially Allah's doing, the rest is my own effort. Isn't everything partially effort and partially prayers? But the thing is.. if Allah isn't willing, then nothing good would happen? We ourselves actually make our own fate. Even so, I was just wondering, will my life be more at ease if from the very beginning I surrender everything to Allah?