Wednesday, March 16, 2011

InsyaAllah

Ketika kita mengucapkan InsyaAllah berarti kita sudah menyerahkan semua urusan kepada Allah. Segala faktor tak terduga, segala hasil akhir, segala keputusan. Dan jika di ujung jalan itu benar2 Allah yg menentukan diluar dugaan kita maka kita harus terus lillahi ta'ala. Karena sesungguhnya segala yg ada di langit dan bumi sampai bagian2 dan sifat2 terkecil adalah milik Allah semata.

Buat kita para muslim panduan ini sudah sangat jelas dan sangat mudah. Sebenernya tinggal dijalani saja. Tapi bagi kita para manusia yg pny ego dan rasa kepemilikan yg tinggi konsep ini sulit dijalankan.

Saya salut pada orang2 Jepang yg baru2 ini dilanda bencana luar biasa. Memakan korban nyaris 10000 jiwa dan kerugian harta benda yg tdk sedikit. Namun ketika para survivor diwawancara, mereka tampak tegar. Tidak sedikitpun mereka melolong2, meratapi nasib. Mereka masih bersikap tertib teratur dan patuh. Mereka tidak percaya Allah, namun sikap mereka amat lillahi ta'ala.

Ketika Nabi berkata tuntutlah ilmu hingga negeri Cina, saya rasa maksudnya adalah dalam hal ilmu ambillah dari mana saja. Bukan berarti dgn menjadi muslim kita sudah menjadi manusia terbaik. Justru semakin banyak yg harus kita pelajari untuk menjadi semakin baik.

Trip saya ke Jepang pun terancam gagal. Awalnya saya sempat panik dan kecewa. Namun setelah satu persatu saya selesaikan dgn seksama insyaAllah saya ikhlas jika saya tidak jadi berangkat. Karena sesungguhnya dari awalpun saya sudah berkata insyaAllah. Saya sudah menyerahkan semua pada Allah.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Sweetest Thing

You never know what you've got until it's gone is truly applicable for me. My husband is posted in Batam for 1 month and I feel very lonely suddenly. The first few days I was so happy running around here and there. But after a few days it's just boring without him.

On these days I've always thought of some of our happy moments. Some things that he just did without thinking.

It was during the world cup event 2010. I am a football fan, since I was 12 years old. I've never missed a single world cup final until.. 2010. Last year I was so tired I slept late but did remind him to wake me up to watch the final.

When I woke up it was morning time 6 am. I browsed online, the results were out. He was still sleeping.

I woke him and told him sadly that we missed the match. But he joyfully said, "No we did not. I watched half time last night. It was awesome". I froze. "You looked tired so I didn't wake u up". I can still forgive him for waking up late not seeing the match. But I couldn't forgive him for not waking me up that night! I was furious. i've never missed a single match! Then he said, "You could always watch the re-run". I looked at him and said, "It's world cup for God's sake. I need to wait 4 more years for another live final!"

You can say I'm being unreasonable so be it. It's enough reason for me. He kept on apologizing but I stood firm. I was really really really mad. I felt like I was being cheated (to the point of exaggeration).

It happened on a normal regular working day. Normally I would always bother him at work. But not this day. When he called I even hung up. Lunch time was the worst, evryone in office were talking about the final and I was just left out. Hate the feeling!

And thus half day had passed.

While I was working on something a guy walked in.
"you got flowers"
(open jaw)
"Are you Wijiarni?"
"yes"
"these flowers are for you"
(open jaw + wrinkles on my face)
"I think you got the wrong person"
"It says it's for u leh, please sign here"
(open jaw + wrinkles + eyes popping out)
"sorry but I can't think of anyone who would do this so I still think you got the wrong name"
"but it says here it's for u, and you got a card as well"
(well, the name was definitely mine)

The card reads:
Sorry for not waking you up to watch last night final match. I promise I would wake u up for 2014 WC final. Bram.

Really, it was just the sweetest thing.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Being Independent

I think lots of women will envy me so much. I am married and I still get to decide my own life. I am still in control of my life. Because my husband give me literally the freedom to decide things. He would not fuss over the smallest things. I get to control the finances, my spending, household spending, even the smallest details like cutting my hair, going out suddenly to meet up with friends. How I want to dress up, how I raise my daughter, etc. He basically give me so much freedom. The big things.. well.. sometimes so many small things become big. This is why I am trying my best not to deny this blessing of mine.

Even so, I as a woman is still a woman. I need guidance, I need instruction at times. There are times that I couldn't think straight and couldn't make my own decision due to some confusing facts. At these times... my husband still leave it all to me. Maybe he overestimated me. He thought I was independent enough, cold headed enough to handle everything by myself, strong enough to handle anything that comes before me.

Sometimes I envy those women who live under their husband's armpit. The husband will decide everything, the husband will take care of everything. You only need to obey and live, and do as they say. Not much thinking and responsibility don't you think? Even though sometimes you feel suppressed, but you don't need to make decisions. I've lived in that kind of family for years. I don't know how I turn out this way. Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that. To listen and obey without much position to spare in a household, where the husband will control and take care of everything. But I can tell that my father has a hard time doing it all the time as well. Maybe my mother relied on him so much to the point that she has forgotten how to make her own decisions and somehow become a burden at times.

Husband-Wife roles nowadays have adapted to the new situation. Where both parties work. Therefore the house is not only the wife's burden but the husband's as well. IT is a bit difficult to insert this to the Indonesian mindset where husband has got to share his role in a household itself. Wives are simply provider and husbands are simply managers. That's what creates strong women in this society.

But no matter how strong we are, we have limitations, we have needs. Sometimes this society ignores this fact by pressing all those obligations to us without simply see us as a human being. Then again all those old time housewives will say they could do it last time, why couldn't we? I'm intrigued to say, you guys are aliens! hahahah. It is partially true. It's just that we all got to admit, as time goes by, all those things that they thought they could live without, we the present humans couldn't live without.


I don't mind being independent, but I want those times where I could just hang my hopes and decisions to someone without having to think what to do. Sometimes, I just want to be.. dependent :)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Renungan on 2nd March 2011

I envy people who are naturally perfect. As in they are so perfect you couldn't come to hate them. If you do, you'll just be the bad guy. I too at times try hard to be perfect. But in the end I just get frustrated and blaming myself for failing.

I guess so some people are born and have a gift to be perfect. There are some people who wants to be recognized as perfect and superwoman. They thrived to be the perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect employee. Wew, what a tiring life it will be.. I can imagine how exhausted you must be trying so hard to be perfect.
But lately I've come to realize that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.

Lately one of my married friend told me that he sometimes still wants other women too. I asked him why, he's got a perfect wife! Pretty, tall, decent, religious, cheerful, obedient, good family P-E-R-F-E-C-T. She's everything that I wish I had. He says it's not the wife, it's just him. He's used to having so many girls in the past it's hard to let go.
That really brought me thinking. I know it's just one person, but really, by being perfect, doesn't mean you'll lead a perfect life.

The imperfection is what makes you be loved. Really, loving a perfect person is not easy, you feel like you must keep up to their standard. You must be a good person, respectful, etc, etc. It's a good thing, but isn't it better to be a flawed person, living with another flawed person? So you know that each of you got something to work on and you feel it's okay to be yourself, since he is flawed anyway.

Perfection belongs to Allah. We can circle around it but will never hit the jackpot. Once you feel you are the better ones among others, then you will never even get close to perfect. 
So today
I woke up next to my daughter without my husband by my side and thought, it's good to have this kind of moment once in a while, so I can treasure her more and pay more attention to her. 
I walked out and took my stroll to the MRT station, and thought to myself, I'm happy we don't have a car. If not, I wouldn't appreciate this fresh air and the temperature difference every morning haha.
I got to my office and thought, thank God I'm not smart, so I feel like I've got lots to learn and will always thrive my best.
I called my parents and thought, Thank God it is not a perfect family, otherwise I wouldn't appreciate the bitterness in life.
I called my husband and thought, Thank God I married him, because we are both so imperfect in many ways and we will always have something to work on every year.

I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, I've got freckles, pimples, big pores, I'm short and I'm not skinny. Thank God I am what I am now for a very simple reason. This small me has gone a loooong way to be here and I'm not throwing it all away for a perfection.