Pregnancy is not easy

Being pregnant is one thing. Staying pregnant for 9months is a bit more tricky. Many things can happen throughout your pregnancy. Some get miscarriages, ectopic pregnancy, etc. Some people carry on smoothly without any problems whatsoever throughout. It depends on the person and it depends on God's will.

I just learned that my friend has had a blighted ovum. I searched the internet and found it here http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/blighted-ovum/AN00418

"A blighted ovum is a cause of early pregnancy loss. It occurs when a fertilized egg develops a placenta and membrane but no embryo — often due to chromosomal abnormalities in the fertilized egg. A blighted ovum usually occurs in the first few weeks of pregnancy, often before a woman even knows she's pregnant.

With a blighted ovum, a woman may miss a period and have a positive pregnancy test. This is because the placenta secretes human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), a pregnancy hormone. Symptoms of early pregnancy — such as fatigue and breast tenderness — are possible as well. But when the placenta stops growing and hormone levels decrease, the pregnancy symptoms subside. At this point, minor abdominal cramping and light spotting or bleeding are possible. An ultrasound will show an empty gestational sac."

I remembered that during my first few weeks of pregnancy I experienced almost the same thing. I was having light spottings for 2 days, then when my uterus was scanned we can only see the sac, no baby yet. I was 5wks + pregnant. Then the doctor told me that it might still be too small to see. He told me to go back in a week time. I really didnt know what to expect. Other than the fact that the pregnancy was too sudden for me, I am also totally blind about the whole pregnancy thing. What is normal and what is not. So I searched up online to find out about what might happen to me. Some say it's common, mostly say check up with the gynae immediately. It could be as simple as uterus expanding, the effect of the embryo sticking to the uterus wall etc, or could be as bad as sign of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy. But I didn't find such things as blighted ovum.

Thankfully, blissfully, and miraculuously, we can see it the next week. Despite what happened to me, despite all my worries and despite of everything, on 6wks + it showed up.. and we could see the heart beating slowly then. Now i'm thinking.. if God wanted it.. the baby wouldn't show up. It would just be an empty sac inside my womb. Then I wouldn't be carrying it now.

I am in my 12 wks now and I've been spotting again two times since then and so far it is still going strong and healthy. The heartbeat was strong, and it is moving actively inside. I think this baby is a real survivor. Despite all my lack of knowledge, my unpreparedness, my selfishness, and my body condition, it still survives. I hope it keeps on fighting inside for its life, and survives until the day we meet :)

End of week 11

My tummy is bulging.. I feel fat.. my breast feels more swollen.. My migraine keeps getting worse.. and my moodswing is on the rising. I feel sinister... OMG!

Yesterday I went to see the new doc in NUH. Dr. Su Lin Lin. She's much more thorough and patient and she speaks slower.. She answers all my question attentively and listened to all my complaints. She looks quite young though. I think I'm better off with her. We did another scan again, this time not the internal USG (thank God). The baby is big enough to see thru the external USG. It was 4cm long.. We can see the big head, and the limbs are still forming. Then I heard the heartbeat using the doppler's equipment (or something like tat). It was 2x faster than our own heartbeat, and it bounced by itself! up and down.. Seems like it knows we were looking it.

It was amazing, knowing there's someone else inside me rite now. I couldn't even believe it's in there. Amazing how God creates us from nothing to something.. SUbhanallah..

I'm going to do my Down syndrome's test in another 2wks time. I hope my baby is doing fine down there. I hope it takes whatever it needs from me. I hope I'm wise enough to pick what's good for us :D.

End of Wk 10

Di akir minggu ke 10 gw udh merasa much2 better. Banyak yg nanya gw ngidam apa.. Ga ada sih, tapi gw jd suka yg pedas2. Kalo ga pedes tu serasa kurang poll gitu pas mkn. Muntah2 udah gak. Morning sickness, afternoon sickness, evening sickness udah ga ada. Gas di perut gw jg udh mulai berkurang banyak. Cuma emang sampe sekarang kapasitas perut gw masih kecil, alias sekali intake ga bisa langsung bnyk. Jd emang meal time gw mesti dibagi 2.

Cuma emang setelah sicknesses lewat gw lebih cepet cape, gampang ngantuk dan gampang pusing. Stamina gw masih rendah.. Jalan dikit nguap... ahahahah..
Trus ada 1 lg kelainan gw.. biasanya baju lecek kan gw cuek. Akir2 ini ngantor teh bajunya mesti rapi ga boleh ada spot2 aneh di baju. -___-. Kelainan gw yg satu lg... lately I looove my husband very much. ahahaha.. I think my baby will love him this much after it comes out.

Moodswing kalo lg cape ato membahas sesuatu yg gw ga setuju. Jadi gampang marah2. Trus ga suka sm org2 yg terlalu mengumbar cinta2an. OMG. Ga sukanya tu yg ga suka bgt.
Dua minggu lagi genap 3bln. Alhamdulillah so far so good.

Rasanya Hamil

Gimana ya rasanya hamil? Kadang merasa menderita, kadang merasa hopeless (ini mah baby blues ya), kadang merasa setengah ga percaya, kadang merasa takut kenapa2. Yang jelas, badan terasa seperti dikuasai alien. Makanan yang dulu suka sekarang engga, yg dulu benci sekarang suka, dikit dikit muntah, dan kalo diusg ada makhluk laen di perut. hahahahaahaha... Gampang lemes, gampang cape, badan suka berubah2, mood apalagi...

Ada yg bilang kalo ada yg ga disuka ga boleh terlalu dipikirin, ato dibayangin. Tp atuhlah susahhh... Klo ngliat aja otak udh ngasi sinyal2 ga suka ya udah deh. Di trimester pertama invasi makhluk baru ini berasa bgt. Tar udh masuk trimester kedua kita ktnya perlahan terbiasa dengan adanya si makhluk baru ini. Dia bahkan ikut makan bareng tar. hahahaha...

Tapi salut sih buat ibu2 kebanyakan yg menghadapi mual2 ini sbg sesuatu yg exciting. Klo buat gw pribadi sih pengennya mual2 ini cpt berlalu lah. Mengganggu bgt soalnya. Tp mgkn emang ini pertanda yg diberikan si tubuh supaya slow down. Mungkin emang udh saatnya gw istirahat sejenak dari hiruk pikuk dunia luar and just stay home and rest. Wiken yg biasanya waktu gw jln2 sekarang jadi waktu gw tidur... mlm hari after office hour yg biasanya gw bisa klayapan skrg jd wkt gw tidur juga.

Kynya sebenernya gw sedikit mengerti sih.. Kenapa artis2, dan org2 yg biasa clubbing itu setelah menikah DAN pny anak susah melepas gaya hidupnya. Karena ya emang susah. Maksudnya, why can't we have our own life? Kalo diajak tmn2 gini dan gitu, mesti ditolak dgn alasan mesti jaga anak.. Trus tar plg2 mereka cerita2 we are missing this and that. Sedih kan? It takes time I guess, and maturity to accept that life gotta change after we have kids.

First Child

Some people used to say that first child is a "trial". hahahahaha.. THEY ARE WRONG.

First child determines everything. First pregnancy is what everyone has been waiting for. They waited for months and months to come. Just waiting for that moment when menses don't come. Then first baby, they are treated with the best doctors, the most expensive and safest way of delivery.

First pregnancy also determines the characteristics of the womb itself. Is it weak, healthy, strong. It also determines how fertile you are. If your first child comes easy, strong probability that the rest will come easy as well.

First child determines everything. They eases parents' worries, they are the answer of everyone's hope. First child worries you so when it's in your womb, when they grow up, etc.

So people... if you are the first child, pls remember that you are where your family rest hopes on. If you turn out not as good as the second one, you are still the heart of the family :D

Night Sickness

Yang bener2 gw sadari adalah, jam mabok gw mulai bergeser. Dari mabok2 di pagi hari, sekarang bergeser ke sore menjelang mlm. Itu masa2 terparah gw mabok. Sebenernya gak ada bedanya jg sih ya.. toh masih ada gitu mabok2nya gw teh. Napsu mkn masih minim, apalagi mlm hari. Pagi hari jg napsu mkn gw jelek tp ga seburuk mlm hari lah. Siang tu adalah kesempatan gw utk mkn bnyk.

So far mknan yg suka gw makan ga bnyk berubah. Gw tetep prefer ikan drpd lauk2 lainnya. Cuma sekarang mendengar nama ayam tu rasanya udh mual duluan. Daging jg klo harumnya terlalu gurih gw ga demen. Tapi herannya gw suka makanan India! :"D. Baunya tu bikin gw napsu mkn. Anakku anak bollywood kah? hahahaha..

Mungkin namanya jg mesti sedikit meng-india kali ya. ihihihihihihi

Sacrifices

Wat does mommy have to sacrifice to bear a baby? Most fun things. Like going on dangerous rides.. going on slides.. taking on pain killers.. sleep late.. go out until it's late.. watch movies in the cinemas.. going on a "sudden" vacation.. shop til I drop... hang out with friends etc etc.

All for 1 new life to be born to this world. Who says life is cheap? It's expensive.. I paid for it with almost all the fun things I dear most. Then maybe my mom also paid for my life with things she deared most.

Maybe that's why heaven is below mom's feet. The suffering they have to go through on that 9months. Pregnancy doesn't always come easy for everyone. Some have problems along the way, some have prolonged sickness, and they do feel tired. Imagine you have to do everything and still carrying their child and still making sure they "eat" properly.
I believe only women can do these things. It's what they are made of :D

Ibu yg Bersyukur

Seiring dengan bertambahnya usia janin saya... saya semakin merasa bersyukur diberi kepercayaan secepat ini oleh Allah. Semakin banyak saya melihat sekeliling saya semakin saya merasa sangat bersyukur.

Meskipun di awal2 saya merasa sedikit jengah dan terkungkung oleh keadaan baru ini. Gerakan dan aktivitas saya terhambat karena tuntutan dari sang bayi dan tuntutan fisik saya yg jg sedang menyesuaikan diri. Terus terang, buat saya yg baru menikah dan sejujurnya blm pny rencana apa2 buat si buah hati kadang merasa cukup berat utk melepas kehidupan "lajang" sebelumnya. Sang suami jg begitu. Namun sedikit2 kami mulai menyesuaikan diri, kalau bahwasanya dengan ini smua akan berubah. Kami bkn lagi yg paling penting di perputaran dunia kami.

Seiring dengan waktu saya mulai menikmati proses kehamilan ini. Mulai dari muntah2, mencari makanan yg bisa dimakan, bergerak perlahan, sensitif terhadap bau2an, fisik melemah. Menurut saya begitu menakjubkan seorang manusia bisa didorong sejauh ini demi sebuah kehidupan baru.
Wallahu alam ya...

Belum lagi melihat begitu banyak org di sekitar saya yg begitu ingin punya anak dan sudah mencoba berbagai cara untuk hamil. Ada yg menunggu 3 thn, 2 thn, dst dst. Ada yg blm berhasil jg sampe sekarang. Intinya mah usaha ekstra demi mendapatkan anak. Maklum tuntutan lingkungan dan keluarga pastinya cukup menekan. Stress juga kan pasti.. Apalagi melihat tmn2nya satu persatu mulai dapet momongan. Yang namanya wanita pasti sisi keibuannya keluar.

Oleh karena itu.. saya rasa saya harus lebih jaga diri, fisik dan mental. Banyak2 berdoa... jaga gizi makan dsb dsb. Supaya si anak yg dititipkan Allah bisa jadi anak yg sholeh dan berbakti.

Minggu ke 8

Sebenernya sering bgt pengen posting cm ngumpulin niat teh ternyata susah pisan.. Hari ini ga ngantor lagi gara2 semalem demam. Udh ga demam lg sih... tapi emang kynya mesti istirahat. Gw jg ga ngerti ini maksudnya bawaan bayi apa emang gw nya aja sih yg manja? Dr sblm hamil gw jg udh manja sih, alias gampang sakit. HIdup gw mesti ditopang suplemen nan banyak.

Tapi klo udh begini, ga enak sm orang kantor gara2 gw sering bgt cuti sakit. Aneh bgt ga sih kaya cari2 alasan. Gw emang rada memanjakan tubuh gw sih.. Tp sialnya klo wiken sering berasa sehat2 aja.. Berarti kynya ini pertanda gw mulai ga enjoy bekerja di tmpt itu. Gw bahkan berpikir mo cuti 1 thn ato kluar sekalian dari kantor gw ini. Soalnya emang gw udah ga enjoy. Gw takut sm bos gw, gw merasa bos gw ga suka sm gw dll dll.

Apalagi setelah gw hamil, perasaan itu makin menjadi2. Makin sensitif aja perasaan gw. Trus gw jg mule sensi diomongin kanan kiri, yg gw lemah lah, yg gw ga bisa jaga diri lah.. huhuhuhuhuhuhu. Sedih klo dipikirin. Gw mesti lebih jaga dirilah berarti... Tapi kadang suka berasa ditarik2 kanan kiri. Gw pengen dikira kuat, tapi klo gw maksa malah jd sakit2an begini :(. Berarti emang sepantasnya gw strict sm diri sendiri dan orang laen. Demi si bayi.... dan demi gw sendiri juga.